the folds need cleaning. Especially with a poo this bad.”
My blood froze. “In? As in inside her…?” I still couldn’t say the v-word.
Lee nodded.
My breathing accelerated in fear. I shook my head. “I can’t, Lee. I just can’t.”
“She could get sick.”
I looked down at the baby in desperation. Then I took a quick look at the business end. Nope. No. Nada. No way. I couldn’t do it.
“I’ll give you anything if you do it for me,” I pleaded.
“Anything?”
“Anything,” I confirmed. “Money. Jewels. New car?”
Lee narrowed his eyes. “Three dates,” he bargained.
“With me?” I had to check. Maybe he wanted me to set up three dates between him and some other guy.
“Yes. And you take me to a nice restaurant or a play. Is it a deal?”
“Deal.” And I nodded once to seal the agreement.
Chapter 11
S O L EE did the worst-possible-job-ever-in-the-history-of-mankind, while I had to do the seventh worst-possible-job-ever-in-the-history-of-mankind.
I had to pick out something for Maxine to wear.
Fuck.
I opened the top drawer of the dresser and was confronted with a range of toiletries, but no clothes.
The second drawer down was a wall of pink. I shut it quickly before I could be infected. Didn’t this baby own anything that wasn’t pink?
“Just pick something, Davo,” Lee groaned in exasperation. He’d redressed the baby in a clean nappy, but I was still searching for clothing. I dashed to the wardrobe and yanked it open. A flash of red caught my eye, so I grabbed it out and held it up.
“This?” I asked Lee.
Lee’s brow wrinkled. “Davo, it’s nine o’clock at night. That’s a dress for a wedding or something like that.”
I frowned at the layers of netting that made up the skirt of the outfit and agreed. I shoved it back on the railing and pulled out something else that wasn’t pink. “This?”
“Dave, that’s a raincoat.”
“This?” I asked in desperation.
“Put the dress back in the wardrobe, mate. Try the drawers again. Look for something soft. It’s bedtime, and she needs to go to sleep.”
I yanked open the drawer again. “But it’s all pink.”
There was a heartbeat of hesitation before Lee asked, “Is there something wrong with pink?”
“Pink is so… girly,” I growled, pawing through the layers of material in the drawer.
“But she’s is a girl,” Lee pointed out. “Isn’t she allowed pink?”
I was distracted and didn’t think to curb my reply. I usually tempered my replies on this subject, so as to not appear like a total dipstick, but I’d recently been through an extremely traumatic experience involving copious amounts of shit and a near miss with a vagina.
“It might rub off on me.” In the recess of my mind, my brain was yelling at me for being such a dick, but the pink in front of me was distracting.
“Rub off? You mean like lint?”
“No. I mean that I may turn into one of those gays who—” I spotted something yellow and dived for it. “Ah ha. Yellow.”
I held up the jumpsuit—pale yellow embroidered with darker yellow ducks. Lee’s expression told me that something had gone wrong, and I froze while I reassessed the situation. Maxine was fine, the ducks were fine, and I’d just said….
Ah, shit.
“One of those gays?” Lee repeated. “You mean one of those gays who likes to wear pink and perhaps a little makeup? One of those gays who may sometimes slip into something pretty and feminine like a dress?”
I was up Shit Creek and it appeared I’d just lost my paddle.
“Lee, I didn’t mean to—”
“You did,” Lee gasped. “You’re a homophobe. A gay homophobe.” He ripped the piece of material out of my hands and turned back to the baby. “No wonder you had so much trouble with my confession last Sunday.”
“I’m not a homophobe,” I hissed angrily. “It’s fine if you want to be like that. I simply don’t want anyone to think that I….”
I trailed off as my canoe wobbled
My blood froze. “In? As in inside her…?” I still couldn’t say the v-word.
Lee nodded.
My breathing accelerated in fear. I shook my head. “I can’t, Lee. I just can’t.”
“She could get sick.”
I looked down at the baby in desperation. Then I took a quick look at the business end. Nope. No. Nada. No way. I couldn’t do it.
“I’ll give you anything if you do it for me,” I pleaded.
“Anything?”
“Anything,” I confirmed. “Money. Jewels. New car?”
Lee narrowed his eyes. “Three dates,” he bargained.
“With me?” I had to check. Maybe he wanted me to set up three dates between him and some other guy.
“Yes. And you take me to a nice restaurant or a play. Is it a deal?”
“Deal.” And I nodded once to seal the agreement.
Chapter 11
S O L EE did the worst-possible-job-ever-in-the-history-of-mankind, while I had to do the seventh worst-possible-job-ever-in-the-history-of-mankind.
I had to pick out something for Maxine to wear.
Fuck.
I opened the top drawer of the dresser and was confronted with a range of toiletries, but no clothes.
The second drawer down was a wall of pink. I shut it quickly before I could be infected. Didn’t this baby own anything that wasn’t pink?
“Just pick something, Davo,” Lee groaned in exasperation. He’d redressed the baby in a clean nappy, but I was still searching for clothing. I dashed to the wardrobe and yanked it open. A flash of red caught my eye, so I grabbed it out and held it up.
“This?” I asked Lee.
Lee’s brow wrinkled. “Davo, it’s nine o’clock at night. That’s a dress for a wedding or something like that.”
I frowned at the layers of netting that made up the skirt of the outfit and agreed. I shoved it back on the railing and pulled out something else that wasn’t pink. “This?”
“Dave, that’s a raincoat.”
“This?” I asked in desperation.
“Put the dress back in the wardrobe, mate. Try the drawers again. Look for something soft. It’s bedtime, and she needs to go to sleep.”
I yanked open the drawer again. “But it’s all pink.”
There was a heartbeat of hesitation before Lee asked, “Is there something wrong with pink?”
“Pink is so… girly,” I growled, pawing through the layers of material in the drawer.
“But she’s is a girl,” Lee pointed out. “Isn’t she allowed pink?”
I was distracted and didn’t think to curb my reply. I usually tempered my replies on this subject, so as to not appear like a total dipstick, but I’d recently been through an extremely traumatic experience involving copious amounts of shit and a near miss with a vagina.
“It might rub off on me.” In the recess of my mind, my brain was yelling at me for being such a dick, but the pink in front of me was distracting.
“Rub off? You mean like lint?”
“No. I mean that I may turn into one of those gays who—” I spotted something yellow and dived for it. “Ah ha. Yellow.”
I held up the jumpsuit—pale yellow embroidered with darker yellow ducks. Lee’s expression told me that something had gone wrong, and I froze while I reassessed the situation. Maxine was fine, the ducks were fine, and I’d just said….
Ah, shit.
“One of those gays?” Lee repeated. “You mean one of those gays who likes to wear pink and perhaps a little makeup? One of those gays who may sometimes slip into something pretty and feminine like a dress?”
I was up Shit Creek and it appeared I’d just lost my paddle.
“Lee, I didn’t mean to—”
“You did,” Lee gasped. “You’re a homophobe. A gay homophobe.” He ripped the piece of material out of my hands and turned back to the baby. “No wonder you had so much trouble with my confession last Sunday.”
“I’m not a homophobe,” I hissed angrily. “It’s fine if you want to be like that. I simply don’t want anyone to think that I….”
I trailed off as my canoe wobbled
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