The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant by John Warren, Libby Warren

events like Thunder in the Mountains and Folsom Street Fair. These vary in size from a few hundred people to thousands and usually combine classes, play parties, socials and vending. While the events can be daunting, they offer people a wonderful opportunity to see the depth and breadth of the scene in a single weekend.
    They are also perfect for people concerned about being recognized by friends and co-workers since they can select one being held hundreds of miles away, and who knows, once having been exposed to the pleasures of being surrounded by like-minded individuals, even the reserved person may opt to take the chance and begin attending local events.
    Searching outside the scene
    For one reason or another, a dominant may be willing or unable to avail herself or himself of advertisements, clubs or associations. Still, it is good to remember that the vast majority of the submissives have not yet declared themselves or have not even realized the full range of their desires and, therefore, cannot be reached through conventional routes.
    Although there is some overlap between the techniques for identifying and seducing submissive men and women, there are enough differences to justify taking each group separately.
    Identifying a potentially submissive woman is a situation fraught with peril. Not only is a direct question inappropriate, but many women have repressed their submissive tendencies because of embarrassment or because they have been taught that such feelings are evil or a betrayal of their fellow women.
    I look for intelligent, strong, self-assured women. Frightened little mice do not have the courage to accept and act on their needs. Also, a woman who feels inferior can be manipulated into a submissive role against her will. This is ethically indefensible. With them, I tend to use a technique that I cause “plausible deniability,” a method that allows me to back off with no loss of face in the event of rejection.
    During the dating process, I put the woman in situations where she is lightly restrained. For example, I hold her hands behind her back during a kiss or kiss her while she is still entangled in clothing she has been removing. If she panics or withdraws, I apologize and “admit” to having been overcome with enthusiasm. If she reacts with passion, I try a bit harder. The trick is to keep it light and playful.
    During sex, I watch for her to do things like grabbing sheets with wide-spread arms because it is a position often adopted by people who are fantasizing that they are being restrained. I also try holding her hands above her head or “accidentally” tangling them in the sheets when I am on top or holding them against her thighs or behind her back when she is on top.
    Conversational probing can be as subtle as the physical testing. Literature is a good ice breaker. If she has read The Story of 0 or books by A.N. Roquelaure, it gives me a chance to discuss the situation in a suitably abstract, nonthreatening atmosphere. If she brings up de Sade’s writings, it gives me an opportunity to compare his writings with reality by saying something like, “Yeah, I’ve read some of his stuff, but what I hear about people who do bondage and stuff like that is that they are nothing like characters in his books. They seem to really care about consent and sensuality instead of just pain for pain’s sake.”
    It is amazing what people will discuss in the abstract that would be extremely threatening to discuss on a personal level. I use such abstract discussions to get a feeling on “where a woman is” on a subject. Even a violent reaction to any kind of BDSM literature is not necessarily a negative sign. Many women, as I have noted above, are fighting a great deal of social pressure to defeat what they have been taught to believe are bad feelings. I pay more attention to gut- level feelings, perhaps based on subliminal body language, which come out of the discussion.
    Of course, the danger here is that