few years older and
good-looking and athletic, and he really acts as if he likes the science-type kids. He accepts their geek minds and praises them for it.
He"s the epitome of a cool, popular kid, whose groupies have never been
popular in their lives. They lap it up.”
Janie clears her throat.
Waits.
Clears it again.
“I—I mean,” stutters Cabel, “ah, I mean, some of them are like that, and
some, you know, some others, like you, for example, see right through
the facade and…uh…shit like that.”
“Mmm hmm,” Janie says.
“And…I love you so much? And now I"m going to shut up and go to
sleep, so you can manipulate my mind in a dozen ways and more?”
“Weak,” she says. “But it"ll do.”
Cabel dreams.
ı
Janie slides into the darkness, and then into the computer room. It"s a dream that"s loosely based on the night they made love there.
She"s watching him, she"s watching herself, curiously, surprised to see
how quickly they find their rhythm together for the first time. She concentrates with all her might. Stares at Cabel. Pause , she thinks,
over and over again.
A minute goes by, but nothing changes.
Another minute.
And then the scene slows.
Ten seconds later it"s paused. In a very interesting spot, Janie notes.
Janie looks around the room, trying to notice everything. The office
items on the desk; the clock on the wall stopped as well; the color of
everything. It"s incredibly difficult to hold the scene there. And then she
begins to lose it. She can feel her body shaking, weakening, and the
dream slips into regular speed again.
Her head pounds. Her fingers are numb. She bumps Cabel with her
behind, trying to wake him just enough so she doesn"t have to use her
waning energy to pull out of the dream too. She knows she can"t do it
after that. She can barely feel her arms and legs as it is, already. Cabel takes in a sharp breath, and she can feel him against her backside,
aroused in his sleep. He begins to stroke her numbing body while he"s
still in the dream. She can feel his touch, fading in and out on her skin,
as she"s seeing it in his mind. And she"s stuck. And falling. And very
aroused and blind and numb and watching it in her mind while feeling it
on her body, all at the same time, and she wants it. Wants to make love
right now. But she is completely paralyzed.
She can"t move.
She can"t feel anything.
She can"t speak.
ı
It can"t happen. Not like this.
She needs to wake him up, before something happens. So they can do it
right.
ı
She takes all her strength, all her concentration, all her will. She bites
blindly. Feels hair in her teeth. Pulls back with her neck. And everything goes black.
ı
She"s shuddering.
Shaking.
Trying to catch a breath as she aches to see something. Anything. His
face. She wants to see his face.
ı
He"s talking to her.
His hand is on her cheek, sliding through tears. And she realizes it now.
Realizes that there will scarcely be a time when they roll together, unawares, and make love sleepily in the dead of a winter night, lingering
on their dreams.
ı
She"s broken.
Her muscles are like water.
And he"s there, lifting her shoulders, holding a glass to her lips, telling
her to drink and swallow.
She can feel his fingers pushing the hair out of her eyes. Hear his voice
in her ear. Smell his skin nearby. Taste the milk on her tongue, in her
throat. And then slowly she sees shadows. Black and white, at first, and
then his face, looking wild. His hair, flipping every which way. His cheeks flushed.
And she speaks roughly. “It"s okay,” she says.
ı
But it"s not okay.
Because she wants him, and now he"s afraid to touch her like that.
ı
He makes her eat.
Sits by the bed.
Waits for her sleep to come.
She finds him, awake, on the couch in the morning. Sits in the crook of his body.
And they look at each other, both so very sorry and neither one needing
to be.
Cabel, feeling helpless. Janie, trapped by her own
good-looking and athletic, and he really acts as if he likes the science-type kids. He accepts their geek minds and praises them for it.
He"s the epitome of a cool, popular kid, whose groupies have never been
popular in their lives. They lap it up.”
Janie clears her throat.
Waits.
Clears it again.
“I—I mean,” stutters Cabel, “ah, I mean, some of them are like that, and
some, you know, some others, like you, for example, see right through
the facade and…uh…shit like that.”
“Mmm hmm,” Janie says.
“And…I love you so much? And now I"m going to shut up and go to
sleep, so you can manipulate my mind in a dozen ways and more?”
“Weak,” she says. “But it"ll do.”
Cabel dreams.
ı
Janie slides into the darkness, and then into the computer room. It"s a dream that"s loosely based on the night they made love there.
She"s watching him, she"s watching herself, curiously, surprised to see
how quickly they find their rhythm together for the first time. She concentrates with all her might. Stares at Cabel. Pause , she thinks,
over and over again.
A minute goes by, but nothing changes.
Another minute.
And then the scene slows.
Ten seconds later it"s paused. In a very interesting spot, Janie notes.
Janie looks around the room, trying to notice everything. The office
items on the desk; the clock on the wall stopped as well; the color of
everything. It"s incredibly difficult to hold the scene there. And then she
begins to lose it. She can feel her body shaking, weakening, and the
dream slips into regular speed again.
Her head pounds. Her fingers are numb. She bumps Cabel with her
behind, trying to wake him just enough so she doesn"t have to use her
waning energy to pull out of the dream too. She knows she can"t do it
after that. She can barely feel her arms and legs as it is, already. Cabel takes in a sharp breath, and she can feel him against her backside,
aroused in his sleep. He begins to stroke her numbing body while he"s
still in the dream. She can feel his touch, fading in and out on her skin,
as she"s seeing it in his mind. And she"s stuck. And falling. And very
aroused and blind and numb and watching it in her mind while feeling it
on her body, all at the same time, and she wants it. Wants to make love
right now. But she is completely paralyzed.
She can"t move.
She can"t feel anything.
She can"t speak.
ı
It can"t happen. Not like this.
She needs to wake him up, before something happens. So they can do it
right.
ı
She takes all her strength, all her concentration, all her will. She bites
blindly. Feels hair in her teeth. Pulls back with her neck. And everything goes black.
ı
She"s shuddering.
Shaking.
Trying to catch a breath as she aches to see something. Anything. His
face. She wants to see his face.
ı
He"s talking to her.
His hand is on her cheek, sliding through tears. And she realizes it now.
Realizes that there will scarcely be a time when they roll together, unawares, and make love sleepily in the dead of a winter night, lingering
on their dreams.
ı
She"s broken.
Her muscles are like water.
And he"s there, lifting her shoulders, holding a glass to her lips, telling
her to drink and swallow.
She can feel his fingers pushing the hair out of her eyes. Hear his voice
in her ear. Smell his skin nearby. Taste the milk on her tongue, in her
throat. And then slowly she sees shadows. Black and white, at first, and
then his face, looking wild. His hair, flipping every which way. His cheeks flushed.
And she speaks roughly. “It"s okay,” she says.
ı
But it"s not okay.
Because she wants him, and now he"s afraid to touch her like that.
ı
He makes her eat.
Sits by the bed.
Waits for her sleep to come.
She finds him, awake, on the couch in the morning. Sits in the crook of his body.
And they look at each other, both so very sorry and neither one needing
to be.
Cabel, feeling helpless. Janie, trapped by her own
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