The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant by John Warren, Libby Warren Page B
Authors: John Warren, Libby Warren
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Bundy or The Blond Bitch of Buchenwald leap to mind? They should.
If you stir up these fears, the only people who will benefit are divorce lawyers. What you need to put in your lover’s head is the image of your true desires. You also need to stir the emotions your lover may have repressed. There are several ways to do this and none of them are mutually exclusive. They can be combined as you see fit. After all, you are strongly attached to his person. Who could know him or her better than you?
One approach is the direct one. If bondage is your turn on, bring to bed a scarf or the belt from a bathrobe. Don’t charge right in; mix a lot of horseplay with play bondage. Normally, a scarf is terrible for serious bondage, but we are talking light play right now. Share the fun; let him or her have a go at tying you up.
Stimulation is trickier on a direct approach. You must be certain it is recognized both consciously and unconsciously as sexual and not punitive. Spanking is probably the best “entry level” stimulation. It is familiar and doesn’t involve instruments that might evoke a negative response. (“Where in hell did you get that?”)
One approach I have used when dating overtly vanilla women is to exclaim during sex, “You bad girl! You scratched me with your fingernail.” No woman, even the most dedicated nail-biter, will feel entirely comfortable claiming innocence. “You should be punished for that.” Then, I pull her over my lap and give her a few swats with one hand, while keeping her well excited with the other. Spanking can also combined with intercourse positions. Just put him or her on top and swing away.
When converting a vanilla lover, as with seeking out a submissive lover, talking about books and movies is a good way to lead to conversation to your own desires. Before I got into a relationship with a romance author, I had always dismissed romance novels as chaste escapism. They may be escapism, but they are not chaste. A husband who discovers dominant tendencies and whose wife reads authors like Rosemary Rogers, Jayne Krentz and Sandra Brown is halfway to heaven. Read a few of her romance books. Then let her “catch” you doing it. Suggest that some of the scenes in them are “interesting.” It is a wonderful duel that both of you can win.
Otherwise, bring home a few books to leave where she can find them. As I noted before, writing by Anne Rice, A.N. Roquelaure, Anne Rampling are a nice start to introducing someone to BDSM fantasies.
The original Joy of Sex has a nice section on bondage; unfortunately, later printings have watered it down. Madonna, the lady who made sleaze nice, has several books where she sings the praises of BDSM.
Vanilla videotapes abound with BDSM scenes. Bring some home for an evening of watching. A casual comment while watching Bull Durham like, “Wow, doesn’t Susan Sarandon look like she is having fun,” or, “I bet he enjoys that,” can begin an illuminating conversation. Avoid X-rated BDSM DVDs. They are so intense they can be threatening. Remember, you want to keep it fun and non-threatening. Some vanilla films that have good bondage scenes are Bull Durham, The Collector and The Nightcomers. Spanking fans have particularly recommended John Wayne’s McClintock. Secretary is a wonderful exploration of the world of dominance and submission. Some dominants may be a bit put off by the presentation of the male dominant, but if they are honest with themselves, they’ll recognize the hesitance and fear that’s behind his actions.
Generally, the only reason most television talk shows have BDSM subjects is to attack them. Don’t watch them live with your spouse. First, tape them and consider how effective each would be as a recruiting tool. Casually slip the good ones into your evening viewing.
Always keep it light and move slowly and patiently. There is a, probably apocryphal, story in the scene about a man who greeted his wife while dressed completely in
If you stir up these fears, the only people who will benefit are divorce lawyers. What you need to put in your lover’s head is the image of your true desires. You also need to stir the emotions your lover may have repressed. There are several ways to do this and none of them are mutually exclusive. They can be combined as you see fit. After all, you are strongly attached to his person. Who could know him or her better than you?
One approach is the direct one. If bondage is your turn on, bring to bed a scarf or the belt from a bathrobe. Don’t charge right in; mix a lot of horseplay with play bondage. Normally, a scarf is terrible for serious bondage, but we are talking light play right now. Share the fun; let him or her have a go at tying you up.
Stimulation is trickier on a direct approach. You must be certain it is recognized both consciously and unconsciously as sexual and not punitive. Spanking is probably the best “entry level” stimulation. It is familiar and doesn’t involve instruments that might evoke a negative response. (“Where in hell did you get that?”)
One approach I have used when dating overtly vanilla women is to exclaim during sex, “You bad girl! You scratched me with your fingernail.” No woman, even the most dedicated nail-biter, will feel entirely comfortable claiming innocence. “You should be punished for that.” Then, I pull her over my lap and give her a few swats with one hand, while keeping her well excited with the other. Spanking can also combined with intercourse positions. Just put him or her on top and swing away.
When converting a vanilla lover, as with seeking out a submissive lover, talking about books and movies is a good way to lead to conversation to your own desires. Before I got into a relationship with a romance author, I had always dismissed romance novels as chaste escapism. They may be escapism, but they are not chaste. A husband who discovers dominant tendencies and whose wife reads authors like Rosemary Rogers, Jayne Krentz and Sandra Brown is halfway to heaven. Read a few of her romance books. Then let her “catch” you doing it. Suggest that some of the scenes in them are “interesting.” It is a wonderful duel that both of you can win.
Otherwise, bring home a few books to leave where she can find them. As I noted before, writing by Anne Rice, A.N. Roquelaure, Anne Rampling are a nice start to introducing someone to BDSM fantasies.
The original Joy of Sex has a nice section on bondage; unfortunately, later printings have watered it down. Madonna, the lady who made sleaze nice, has several books where she sings the praises of BDSM.
Vanilla videotapes abound with BDSM scenes. Bring some home for an evening of watching. A casual comment while watching Bull Durham like, “Wow, doesn’t Susan Sarandon look like she is having fun,” or, “I bet he enjoys that,” can begin an illuminating conversation. Avoid X-rated BDSM DVDs. They are so intense they can be threatening. Remember, you want to keep it fun and non-threatening. Some vanilla films that have good bondage scenes are Bull Durham, The Collector and The Nightcomers. Spanking fans have particularly recommended John Wayne’s McClintock. Secretary is a wonderful exploration of the world of dominance and submission. Some dominants may be a bit put off by the presentation of the male dominant, but if they are honest with themselves, they’ll recognize the hesitance and fear that’s behind his actions.
Generally, the only reason most television talk shows have BDSM subjects is to attack them. Don’t watch them live with your spouse. First, tape them and consider how effective each would be as a recruiting tool. Casually slip the good ones into your evening viewing.
Always keep it light and move slowly and patiently. There is a, probably apocryphal, story in the scene about a man who greeted his wife while dressed completely in
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