Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw (Diary of a Wimpy Kid #3)
Jeff Kinney
JANUARY : New Year's Day
You know how you're supposed to come up with a list of "resolutions" at the beginning of the year to try to make yourself a better person?
Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm already pretty much one of the best people I know.
So this year my resolution is to try and help OTHER people improve. But the thing I'm finding out is that some people don't really appreciate it when you're trying to be helpful.
[Image: A lady eating chips and a boy standing behind the sofa.]
The caption reads: "I THINK YOU SHOULD WORK ON CHEWING YOUR POTATO CHIPS MORE QUIETLY.
CHEW CHEW"
8
One thing I noticed right off the bat is that the people in my family are doing a lousy job sticking to THEIR New Year's resolutions.
Mom said she was gonna start going to the gym today, but she spent the whole afternoon watching TV.
And Dad said he was gonna go on a strict diet, but after dinner I caught him out in the garage, stuffing his face with brownies.
[Image: A man in the kitchen and a boy standing in the door.] The caption reads: "SLORK SLORK"
Even my little brother, Manny, couldn't stick with his resolution.
9
This morning he told everyone that he's a "big boy" and he's giving up his pacifier for good. Then he threw his favorite binkie in the trash.
[Image: A boy and a girl, sitting at a table, clap their hands as they look at the trash can and the little boy.] The caption reads: "CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP"
Well, THAT New Year's resolution didn't even last a full MINUTE.
[Image: A boy and a girl stand to look at the little boy near the trash can. ] The caption reads: "SUCK SUCK SUCK"
The only person in my family who didn't come up with a resolution is my older brother, Rodrick, and that's a pity because his list should be about a mile and a half long.
10
So I decided to come up with a program to help Rodrick be a better person. I called my plan "Three Strikes and You're Out." The basic idea was that every time I saw Rodrick messing up, I'd mark a little "X" on his chart.
Well, Rodrick got all three strikes before I even had a chance to decide what "You're Out" meant.
[Image: A boy hits the other on his back.] The caption reads: "PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH"
Anyway, I'm starting to wonder if I should just bag MY resolution, too. It's a lot of work, and so far I haven't really made any progress.
Besides, after I reminded Mom for like the billionth time to stop chewing her potato chips so loud, she made a really good point. She said, "Everyone can't be as perfect as YOU, Gregory." And from what I've seen so far, I think she's right.
11
Thursday
Dad is giving this diet thing another try, and that's bad news for me. He's gone about three days without eating any chocolate, and he's been SUPER cranky.
The other day, after Dad woke me up and told me to get ready for school, I accidentally fell back asleep. Believe me, that's the last time I'll make THAT mistake.
[Image: A man pulls the sheet off the sleeping boy.] The caption reads: "WAKE UP!!!
YANK"
Part of the problem is that Dad always wakes me up before Mom's out of the shower, so I know that I still have like ten more minutes before I need to get out of bed for real.
12
Yesterday I came up with a pretty good way to get some extra sleep time without making Dad mad. After he woke me up, I took all of my blankets down the hall with me and waited outside the bathroom for my turn in the shower.
Then I lay down right on top of the heater vent. And when the furnace was blowing, the experience was even BETTER than being in bed.
[Image: A boy is sleeping outside the door.] The caption reads: "AAAAAAAH!
FWOOSH"
The problem was, the heat only stayed on for about five minutes at a time. So when the furnace wasn't running, I was just lying there on this cold piece of metal.
[Image: A boy shivers as he sleeps outside the door.] The caption
Jeff Kinney
JANUARY : New Year's Day
You know how you're supposed to come up with a list of "resolutions" at the beginning of the year to try to make yourself a better person?
Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm already pretty much one of the best people I know.
So this year my resolution is to try and help OTHER people improve. But the thing I'm finding out is that some people don't really appreciate it when you're trying to be helpful.
[Image: A lady eating chips and a boy standing behind the sofa.]
The caption reads: "I THINK YOU SHOULD WORK ON CHEWING YOUR POTATO CHIPS MORE QUIETLY.
CHEW CHEW"
8
One thing I noticed right off the bat is that the people in my family are doing a lousy job sticking to THEIR New Year's resolutions.
Mom said she was gonna start going to the gym today, but she spent the whole afternoon watching TV.
And Dad said he was gonna go on a strict diet, but after dinner I caught him out in the garage, stuffing his face with brownies.
[Image: A man in the kitchen and a boy standing in the door.] The caption reads: "SLORK SLORK"
Even my little brother, Manny, couldn't stick with his resolution.
9
This morning he told everyone that he's a "big boy" and he's giving up his pacifier for good. Then he threw his favorite binkie in the trash.
[Image: A boy and a girl, sitting at a table, clap their hands as they look at the trash can and the little boy.] The caption reads: "CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP"
Well, THAT New Year's resolution didn't even last a full MINUTE.
[Image: A boy and a girl stand to look at the little boy near the trash can. ] The caption reads: "SUCK SUCK SUCK"
The only person in my family who didn't come up with a resolution is my older brother, Rodrick, and that's a pity because his list should be about a mile and a half long.
10
So I decided to come up with a program to help Rodrick be a better person. I called my plan "Three Strikes and You're Out." The basic idea was that every time I saw Rodrick messing up, I'd mark a little "X" on his chart.
Well, Rodrick got all three strikes before I even had a chance to decide what "You're Out" meant.
[Image: A boy hits the other on his back.] The caption reads: "PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH"
Anyway, I'm starting to wonder if I should just bag MY resolution, too. It's a lot of work, and so far I haven't really made any progress.
Besides, after I reminded Mom for like the billionth time to stop chewing her potato chips so loud, she made a really good point. She said, "Everyone can't be as perfect as YOU, Gregory." And from what I've seen so far, I think she's right.
11
Thursday
Dad is giving this diet thing another try, and that's bad news for me. He's gone about three days without eating any chocolate, and he's been SUPER cranky.
The other day, after Dad woke me up and told me to get ready for school, I accidentally fell back asleep. Believe me, that's the last time I'll make THAT mistake.
[Image: A man pulls the sheet off the sleeping boy.] The caption reads: "WAKE UP!!!
YANK"
Part of the problem is that Dad always wakes me up before Mom's out of the shower, so I know that I still have like ten more minutes before I need to get out of bed for real.
12
Yesterday I came up with a pretty good way to get some extra sleep time without making Dad mad. After he woke me up, I took all of my blankets down the hall with me and waited outside the bathroom for my turn in the shower.
Then I lay down right on top of the heater vent. And when the furnace was blowing, the experience was even BETTER than being in bed.
[Image: A boy is sleeping outside the door.] The caption reads: "AAAAAAAH!
FWOOSH"
The problem was, the heat only stayed on for about five minutes at a time. So when the furnace wasn't running, I was just lying there on this cold piece of metal.
[Image: A boy shivers as he sleeps outside the door.] The caption
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