twice the size of my family’s, and I am sure had no liens attached to it. It never occurred to me that your inheritance from your aunt caused a change in your station. You were far above me already. It did not matter that you moved even higher.”
“So you knew I was rich.”
Is that really what he took from her speech? She felt all the anger recede from her leaving her a deflated balloon, leaving only pain behind. “It is sad. I knew you were above me and I did not care. All I cared about was you. But clearly you cared. Clearly you saw me a creature to be pitied, a creature who wanted what she should not. How could you know me so little?”
“I just needed to be sure. I needed to know. I could not afford to be mistaken, so I invented a test, a test that you failed. What else was I to think when you talked of marrying someone rich?”
Chapter 8
She had failed him. He held on to that truth. She had failed. She had not been willing to give herself without the promise of marriage. It had been a trap whether she meant it to be or not. And she might not remember her promise to seek a richer husband, but he had. It had been those words that finally drove him away.
“I failed.” She turned her face from him. “
You
failed. You failed me. I don’t think you have any idea what it was you asked of me or what you ended up costing me.” Her voice grew very quiet at the end.
His face grew hot. “I do not see how you can say that. You have admitted that you cared that I was rich. You have admitted that you would not sleep with me without marriage. You have admitted that you only sleep with me now because you are going to marry another man, a man you do not like, a man who I am sure you are marrying for money, a man you are prepared to let raise my child. How can you say I am the one who failed?”
Keeping her back to him, she walked to where her clothing still lay on the floor. Bending down, she gathered her chemise and slipped it over her head, crossing her arms about her chest to protect herself. “You are hateful.”
The words struck at him; there was no denying the honesty of her tone.
“Why did I never realize that the world spun about you? Do you ask a single question about what I mean? What I have been through these past years? Do you care what you made me feel? No, it is all about you—and again it is all about how I am not good enough for you. You say I am marrying a man I do not like for money and you hold that against me. Do you think that is what I want to be doing? Do you for one moment think I want to marry one of Papa’s friends? Or should I say a creditor of Papa’s?”
He tried to push her words away. “I have not heard you ask about me.”
A long bitter laugh. “That is because I know about you; the whole world knows of you and your successes. I sometimes felt that every time I turned around somebody was there telling me about you and saying, ‘Didn’t you used to know him?’ ”
“So then tell me about you. Tell me why you are marrying this man you do not care for. Tell me why I should forgive you for what happened five years ago.”
“You still do not understand. I do not want your forgiveness. I did nothing wrong. You should be on your knees begging my forgiveness.” Her words were brave, but her shoulders slumped as she pulled on her corset.
He took a step toward her and then stopped. He should let her go. He had gotten what he wanted. What did it matter if she felt wronged? He was the one who had been wronged.
Only it did matter. Her words had hit him far harder than he liked to admit, even to himself.
She started to struggle with her gown.
This was the moment. He had to decide. Tomorrow she would agree to marry another man; tomorrow she would be lost.
But she had never been his; she had proved that five years ago.
Or had she?
He tried to put together all the things she had said, tried to find understanding in her words.
He could not believe he had been the idiot she had
“So you knew I was rich.”
Is that really what he took from her speech? She felt all the anger recede from her leaving her a deflated balloon, leaving only pain behind. “It is sad. I knew you were above me and I did not care. All I cared about was you. But clearly you cared. Clearly you saw me a creature to be pitied, a creature who wanted what she should not. How could you know me so little?”
“I just needed to be sure. I needed to know. I could not afford to be mistaken, so I invented a test, a test that you failed. What else was I to think when you talked of marrying someone rich?”
Chapter 8
She had failed him. He held on to that truth. She had failed. She had not been willing to give herself without the promise of marriage. It had been a trap whether she meant it to be or not. And she might not remember her promise to seek a richer husband, but he had. It had been those words that finally drove him away.
“I failed.” She turned her face from him. “
You
failed. You failed me. I don’t think you have any idea what it was you asked of me or what you ended up costing me.” Her voice grew very quiet at the end.
His face grew hot. “I do not see how you can say that. You have admitted that you cared that I was rich. You have admitted that you would not sleep with me without marriage. You have admitted that you only sleep with me now because you are going to marry another man, a man you do not like, a man who I am sure you are marrying for money, a man you are prepared to let raise my child. How can you say I am the one who failed?”
Keeping her back to him, she walked to where her clothing still lay on the floor. Bending down, she gathered her chemise and slipped it over her head, crossing her arms about her chest to protect herself. “You are hateful.”
The words struck at him; there was no denying the honesty of her tone.
“Why did I never realize that the world spun about you? Do you ask a single question about what I mean? What I have been through these past years? Do you care what you made me feel? No, it is all about you—and again it is all about how I am not good enough for you. You say I am marrying a man I do not like for money and you hold that against me. Do you think that is what I want to be doing? Do you for one moment think I want to marry one of Papa’s friends? Or should I say a creditor of Papa’s?”
He tried to push her words away. “I have not heard you ask about me.”
A long bitter laugh. “That is because I know about you; the whole world knows of you and your successes. I sometimes felt that every time I turned around somebody was there telling me about you and saying, ‘Didn’t you used to know him?’ ”
“So then tell me about you. Tell me why you are marrying this man you do not care for. Tell me why I should forgive you for what happened five years ago.”
“You still do not understand. I do not want your forgiveness. I did nothing wrong. You should be on your knees begging my forgiveness.” Her words were brave, but her shoulders slumped as she pulled on her corset.
He took a step toward her and then stopped. He should let her go. He had gotten what he wanted. What did it matter if she felt wronged? He was the one who had been wronged.
Only it did matter. Her words had hit him far harder than he liked to admit, even to himself.
She started to struggle with her gown.
This was the moment. He had to decide. Tomorrow she would agree to marry another man; tomorrow she would be lost.
But she had never been his; she had proved that five years ago.
Or had she?
He tried to put together all the things she had said, tried to find understanding in her words.
He could not believe he had been the idiot she had
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