Sarah's Surrender (Novella) by Lavinia Kent Page A

labeled him, but he had been young and often foolish. It was not until he left home that he truly began to see how the world worked. And if he considered it with all he knew now, he did begin to have a glimmer of understanding for her actions.
    He reached out to stop her hand as she tried to pull the gown over her head.
    “Stop, please. Come sit and explain. Try to make me understand.”
    Still keeping her face turned from him, she asked, “Why?”
    Now, wasn’t that the question? He wasn’t sure he knew the answers himself, so how could he explain to her? “Because I do not want this to be a night of regret. I do not know what will happen tomorrow, but I sense if you leave now this will always be a dreaded memory. I do not think that is what you wanted when you came tonight. I know that it is not what I wanted. This may be the final ending for us, but let us not make it a bad one.”
    Her body stilled. “I am afraid it is too late for that.”
    “You claim that I didn’t give you a chance to explain five years ago. I am sorry for that. I should have let you talk. You say that you only threatened to marry another because you were mad. Can you accept that I was angry, too? It truly had never occurred to me that you would say no. That may seem foolish now, but at the time, it caught me by surprise and left me callous. I was so full of myself that I could not imagine that things would not work out as I wished. And then when you said you would marry another I only wanted to run away. But I am listening now, Sarah. Please tell me your story.”
    She said nothing, but neither did she pull the gown on.
    He tried again. “Just tell me. I will ask nothing else. I do not know quite why it matters so much, but I find I must know.”
    He could feel her hesitation and then she let the gown fall back to the floor. The longest sigh he had ever heard left her lips. “You are right. I need this to be a beautiful memory. I need to be able to look to this night in years to come and have something good. I cannot have done this to have it end so terribly. And it was beautiful until a few moments ago. I have no choice but to take a chance.”
    “Then come and sit.” He gestured across the room to the sole chair, the one he had taken the footstool from.
    Her head bowed, she slid across the room and took the chair.
    If he stood next to her he would tower over her. He sensed that would not help his situation. The stool would leave him far below her, not a condition to his liking, but perhaps it was what was needed. He pulled the stool over and planted himself upon it. “Talk to me, Sarah.”
    Twisting her fingers in her lap, she began, “Did you ever think about what you were really asking of me five years ago? You see it as a simple question, but it was not. I did not need you to promise to marry me, but that is different from having you promise that you never would, that nothing would change your mind. You made me feel unimportant—and why? It all seems so silly now. For a test. A stupid boy’s test. A test I could never pass. I told you that you wanted me to prove I loved you. If it had been only that, I would have spread myself naked upon an altar for you. But it was not only that; you asked me to risk my family and my honor. And what of this phantom child you are now so taken with, what if he had been conceived then? Would you have cared? Your words at the time told me you would not.”
    She gulped in a deep breath and a tear fell upon her hands.
    That was why she had kept her face hidden: she was crying.
    A lump began to form in his gut.
    “I was nineteen, my family was poor, but holding on,” she continued. “All we had was our good name. Papa was not yet known to be the profligate gambler that he is today. My mother was as sweet and silly then as she is now. She has never understood the world; all she cares for are her gowns and her parties—and me. She does love me. If I had slept with you and word had gotten out that I