27 Wagons Full of Cotton and Other Plays by Tennessee Williams

She’s Shoiley Temple.
    P ORTER: She’s a lady!
    E LEVATOR B OY: Yeah! ( He returns to the gramophone and looks through the records. )
    M ISS COLLINS: I really shouldn’t have created this disturbance. When the officers come I’ll have to explain that to them. But you can understand my feelings, can’t you?
    P ORTER: Sure, Miss Collins.
    M ISS COLLINS: When men take advantage of common white-trashwomen who smoke in public there is probably some excuse for it, but when it occurs to a lady who is single and always com -pletely above reproach in her moral behavior, there’s really nothing to do but call for police protection! Unless of course the girl is fortunate enough to have a father and brothers who can take care of the matter privately without any scandal.
    P ORTER: Sure. That’s right, Miss Collins.
    M ISS COLLINS: Of course it’s bound to cause a great deal of very disagreeable talk. Especially ‘round the church! Are you gentlemen Episcopalian?
    P ORTER: No, ma’am. Catholic, Miss Collins.
    M ISS COLLINS: Oh. Well, I suppose you know in England we’re known as the English Catholic church. We have direct Apostolic succession through St. Paul who christened the Early Angles—which is what the original English people were called—and established the English branch of the Catholic church over there. So when you hear ignorant people claim that our church was founded by—by Henry the Eighth —that horrible, lecherous old man who had so many wives—as many as Blue -beardthey say! —you can see how ridiculous it is and how thoroughly ob nox -ious to anybody who really knows and under stands Church History !
    P ORTER: ( comfortingly )Sure, Miss Collins. Everybody knows that.
    M ISS COLLINS: I wish they did, but they need to be in structed )Before he died, my father was Rector at the Church of St. Michael and St. George at Glorious Hill, Mississippi. . . . I’ve literally grown up right in the very shadow of the Episcopal church. At Pass Christian and Natchez, Biloxi, Gulfport, Port Gibson, Columbus and Glorious Hill! ( with gentle, bewildered sadness )But you know I sometimes suspect that there has been some kind of spiritual schism in the modern church. These northern dioceses have completely departedfrom the good old church traditions. For instance our Rector at the Church of the Holy Communion has never darkened my door. It’s a fashionable church and he’s terribly busy, but even so you’d think he might have time to make a stranger in the congregation feel at home. But he doesn’t though! Nobody seems to have the time any more. . . . ( She grows more excited as her mind sinks back into illusion. )I ought not to mention this, but do you know they actually take a malicious de- light over there at the Holy Communion—where I’ve recently transferred my letter—in what’s been going on here at night in this apartment? Yes!! ( She laughs wildly and throws up her hands. )They take a malicious de LIGHT in it! ! ( She catches her breath and gropes vaguely about her wrapper. )
    P ORTER: You lookin’ for somethin’, Miss Collins?
    M ISS COLLINS: My—handkerchief . . . ( She is blinking her eyes against tears. )
    P ORTER: ( removing a rag from his pocket )Here. Use this, Miss Collins. It’s just a rag but it’s clean, except along that edge where I wiped off the phonograph handle.
    M ISS COLLINS: Thanks. You gentlemen are very kind. Mother will bring in something cool after while. . . .
    E LEVATOR B OY: ( placing a record on machine )This one is got some kind of foreign title. ( The record begins to play Tschaikowsky’s “None But the Lonely Heart.” )
    M ISS COLLINS: ( stuffing the rag daintily in her bosom )Excuse me, please. Is the weather nice outside?
    P ORTER: ( huskily )Yes, it’s nice, Miss Collins.
    M ISS COLLINS: ( dreamily )So wa’m for this time of year. I wore my little astrakhan cape to service but had to carry it home, as the weight of it actually seemed oppressive to me. ( Her eyes