Numb (Senses Series Book 3) by Xavier Neal

“Shit…”
    “Obviously I let the subject go for awhile, but one night while he was lying in my bed, I leaned over to kiss him. At first he leaned back, but then as if someone had jerked him back by his shirt, he moved and told me no. He said he didn’t wanna lose the only person he had left.” When Tony doesn’t say anything I shut my eyes. “He said, if something went wrong, losing me would be like losing the only part of himself that mattered.”
    His finger slowly strokes my arm in a comforting way.
    “As much as I’m a part of him, he’s a piece of me. I chose him because without him there’s this giant abyss that I’m afraid of slipping into, a place I could never climb out of. Because within that abyss is the realization that my father will never walk me down the aisle. That my mother loves credit cards more than she loves me. That I never had a remotely normal childhood. Because in that abyss is the fact that, until recently, I was barely making it on my own financially. That no one has ever fallen in love with me. And that there’s a great chance no one ever will. Because I don’t deserve it. Because I’m damaged in seventy-six thousand different ways. I chose Logan because without him my life will be sucked into that black hole. Because without him my life becomes numb. And I don’t mean that in some sort of melodramatic, woe is me, be my Prince Charming kind of bullshit way, Tony. I mean it in a way that there’s something enigmatic inside of me that only ticks for him. And without him, even if it is just as a friend, every sense in my body is dulled. Do. You. Get. It. Now?”
    “Yeah,” he whispers. “I do…”
    Curling up tighter into a ball I let the tears that had stopped for a moment return.
    I hope you get it too. Because I have nothing left to say.

Chapter 16
    Logan

    Do not put a hole in the wall, Kellar. Do not put a hole in the wall.
    My fingers wiggle underneath my head as I lie in bed staring at the space right next to my door.
    It’s fucking perfect for punching a hole through. Sure it would give my room an unnecessary window to the hallway, but at least I’d feel better momentarily. Isn’t that what matters? Ha. Isn’t that what got me into this fucked up situation in the first place? Looking for moments? Fuck.
    Closing my eyes, I do my best not to picture the horrified look on Maxx’s face. The way her jaw was glued to the floor. Her eyes widened in anger. Her body shaking like a wet chihuahua after a long soak in the rain.
    Ever seen those things shake? It’s unreal.
    One of my hands goes to scrub my face. It runs across the faint stubble I have to shave before I step into the ring tomorrow.
    You know, it’s gonna be the first time that I step in and Maxx isn’t there to see me? It’ll also be the first time she’s not the Ring Side Girl anymore. How is that in just a couple of months we went from a perfectly well balanced, albeit not normal, friendship, to no longer speaking to one another? I never thought I’d say this…but I think sex ruined my life. Could you just cut my tongue out after you chop up my man card for that statement?
    The sound of my cell phone vibrating across the dresser forces my arm to reach for it. I check the caller ID seeing an unknown number. I’m tempted to hit the ignore button, but can’t remember if it’s Liz’s work phone or not.
    “Yeah,” I answer.
    “You don’t even say hello when you pick up the phone?” The voice on the other end is one I’m not expecting.
    “How the fuck did you get my number?”
    Tony sneers, “Believe it or not, the password to get into Maxx’s phone could only be one of two things.”
    Of course she’s with him. Mr. Right. Mr. Shoulder to Lean On. Mr. Perfect. I’ve never wanted to pound him into the ground so hard before in my life. And I know what you’re thinking, I always say that, but this time I really fucking mean it. Beating him to a bloody shit would take the slight edge off the fact