scene.
“Yo wait.
I got a Bears-Packers game in ten. Don’t you want to see the Packers deflate the
Bear’s ball sack?”
“Maybe
next time, Great Leader,” echoed Dimitroff’s voice.
“The bears
are a metaphor for your sorry ass country, Dimitroff. You got that?”
“How could
I not?” came the reply from the parking lot.
As
Dimitroff’s limousine zoomed out, “At least he has sweet, sweet Anna as a
compatriot. That should be comforting,” observed the Leader dejectedly.
As he was
the last one left in the room, other than tiger, Dong Ki Moon felt obliged to
respond, “Yes your leader. She is very beautiful.”
“Ah my man,
I knew we were kindred spirits. So who do you think Anna Petrova looks like?”
“Like someone
in Pyongyang?
“No dude.
Like someone famous.”
“Oh ok.
Hmmm,” after pretending to think for seven seconds, Dong Ki came back with “Teri
Hatcher.”
“Whaaat? Teri
Hatcher? How are you getting Teri Hatcher…? Dong Ki, we are so not kindred man…”
“Oh, I am
sorry Dear Leader. I thought she is real and spectacular.”
“Ya
whatever man, I myself thought Olivia Wilde. But whatever, it’s not like my
opinion counts in this world.”
Unlike
Dimitroff who had a tiny bit of diplomatic protection, Dong Ki was out on his
own. His only option was to suck up real hard to the Leader.
“Oh
Leader, I truly believe your opinion matters. I mean think about it, the
Russians sent their top man to plead with you. After what you did to him, I am
sure the Russian Foreign Minister is going to have to suck up now. Russia has no
choice... all because of you.”
“Hmmm. But
you don’t know these guys Dong Ki, they are absolute conniving bitches.”
“Sure they
are. But what more can they do to suppress our great nation. There is nothing
left to take away. Nothing to rob. We are a lean and mean nation. Super
resilient and completely independent of outside meddling.”
“Hmmm.
Well you may be right… I don’t know. My dad, his dad and myself have played
this game long enough to know that there are seldom any winners, man.”
“I am
sorry I can’t do more for our great nation, dear Leader.”
“Oh, don’t
beat yourself Dong…” The Leader had just called him Dong. Wow he was on a first
name basis with the leader of the laidback world. “…What you did out there at
the tri-border was heroic. You will get the highest military medal during our 4 th of July celebrations. Trust me.”
“Thank you
Dear Leader.”
The cook
came in with some rare steaks, which piqued the tiger’s interest.
Another yellow
feverish-assistant buzzed in.
“Dear
Leader, the Chinese Premier is on Line 1.”
The Leader
watched Zoya the tiger gobble the steaks as he took the Chinese call. He
motioned Dong Ki to take off. A relieved Dong Ki, saluted and left the Leader’s
Summer Residence in one piece.
“Go for Leader.”
“Hey kid
how are you?” jibed Xiannian, the Chinese Premier.
“What do
you care? Just because I saved your sorry ass doesn’t mean we are back to
buddies ok. Not after your ‘realignment of Chinese business interests’ crap.”
“Kid,
trust me. It was the previous administration’s stand on the DPRK. Not mine.”
The Leader
exhaled deeply before countering the Chinese Premier.
“ Previous
Administration ? Whats gotten into you tea baggers? Previous
administration ? Who talks shit like that…? Of the top of my head only one
country…”
“I know, I
know things are changing in China. I just want to thank you for what you guys
did.”
“Ya
whatever man. I just can’t believe how your Hu Gong, talked you into this tiger
abduction bs. Even a sophomore at Pyongyang State’s Political Sciences would
have told you to stay the fuck away from that tiger.”
“Well we
have our rare lapses. But he is gone now, which means…”
“Which
means you can put your own guy, that perv, as the new chief of MSS.”
“Hey, Li
is not a perv. He just wanted to
“Yo wait.
I got a Bears-Packers game in ten. Don’t you want to see the Packers deflate the
Bear’s ball sack?”
“Maybe
next time, Great Leader,” echoed Dimitroff’s voice.
“The bears
are a metaphor for your sorry ass country, Dimitroff. You got that?”
“How could
I not?” came the reply from the parking lot.
As
Dimitroff’s limousine zoomed out, “At least he has sweet, sweet Anna as a
compatriot. That should be comforting,” observed the Leader dejectedly.
As he was
the last one left in the room, other than tiger, Dong Ki Moon felt obliged to
respond, “Yes your leader. She is very beautiful.”
“Ah my man,
I knew we were kindred spirits. So who do you think Anna Petrova looks like?”
“Like someone
in Pyongyang?
“No dude.
Like someone famous.”
“Oh ok.
Hmmm,” after pretending to think for seven seconds, Dong Ki came back with “Teri
Hatcher.”
“Whaaat? Teri
Hatcher? How are you getting Teri Hatcher…? Dong Ki, we are so not kindred man…”
“Oh, I am
sorry Dear Leader. I thought she is real and spectacular.”
“Ya
whatever man, I myself thought Olivia Wilde. But whatever, it’s not like my
opinion counts in this world.”
Unlike
Dimitroff who had a tiny bit of diplomatic protection, Dong Ki was out on his
own. His only option was to suck up real hard to the Leader.
“Oh
Leader, I truly believe your opinion matters. I mean think about it, the
Russians sent their top man to plead with you. After what you did to him, I am
sure the Russian Foreign Minister is going to have to suck up now. Russia has no
choice... all because of you.”
“Hmmm. But
you don’t know these guys Dong Ki, they are absolute conniving bitches.”
“Sure they
are. But what more can they do to suppress our great nation. There is nothing
left to take away. Nothing to rob. We are a lean and mean nation. Super
resilient and completely independent of outside meddling.”
“Hmmm.
Well you may be right… I don’t know. My dad, his dad and myself have played
this game long enough to know that there are seldom any winners, man.”
“I am
sorry I can’t do more for our great nation, dear Leader.”
“Oh, don’t
beat yourself Dong…” The Leader had just called him Dong. Wow he was on a first
name basis with the leader of the laidback world. “…What you did out there at
the tri-border was heroic. You will get the highest military medal during our 4 th of July celebrations. Trust me.”
“Thank you
Dear Leader.”
The cook
came in with some rare steaks, which piqued the tiger’s interest.
Another yellow
feverish-assistant buzzed in.
“Dear
Leader, the Chinese Premier is on Line 1.”
The Leader
watched Zoya the tiger gobble the steaks as he took the Chinese call. He
motioned Dong Ki to take off. A relieved Dong Ki, saluted and left the Leader’s
Summer Residence in one piece.
“Go for Leader.”
“Hey kid
how are you?” jibed Xiannian, the Chinese Premier.
“What do
you care? Just because I saved your sorry ass doesn’t mean we are back to
buddies ok. Not after your ‘realignment of Chinese business interests’ crap.”
“Kid,
trust me. It was the previous administration’s stand on the DPRK. Not mine.”
The Leader
exhaled deeply before countering the Chinese Premier.
“ Previous
Administration ? Whats gotten into you tea baggers? Previous
administration ? Who talks shit like that…? Of the top of my head only one
country…”
“I know, I
know things are changing in China. I just want to thank you for what you guys
did.”
“Ya
whatever man. I just can’t believe how your Hu Gong, talked you into this tiger
abduction bs. Even a sophomore at Pyongyang State’s Political Sciences would
have told you to stay the fuck away from that tiger.”
“Well we
have our rare lapses. But he is gone now, which means…”
“Which
means you can put your own guy, that perv, as the new chief of MSS.”
“Hey, Li
is not a perv. He just wanted to
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