from this place. It wouldn’t be good for her to stay her longer. She’d never be free to learn who she could be, to become the woman she could be.
She deserved a chance to live her life the way she wanted to—not the way Walter wanted for her, not the way Roslyn wanted.
Not the way I wanted.
She should be free to make her own choices, to do what she wanted, to fail and succeed.
April would never have that here, but she’d never leave. Not on her own.
Chapter Ten
April
I thought it would be easier and easier to ignore him, but it only got worse, especially right now. I was spying on him as he was sitting on the couch, tenderly holding the baby. I couldn’t believe it. Stripped away was his bad boy nature, and it was forcing me to think of him in a new light.
A light that would never go away. I wanted to be the one he was holding, to be sitting on his lap, for us to not be wearing any clothes.
Unreal. I was even more sexually frustrated. How could I get him out of my system? Something was wrong with me. Really wrong with me. I was beginning to get concerned. I had never been like this with Adam or any of my previous crushes. I’d never been…obsessed. There was no other word for it. I was hyperaware of him at all times, always wondering what he was doing, if he thought about me as much as I thought about him.
But why would he be? He had new friends. And Lizzy.
I never had a problem with Lizzy before Wes befriended her. Our social circles didn’t mix much. She was uber popular and hung out with the jocks and cheerleaders. I was beneath the likes of her, and I didn’t care. Popularity didn’t matter to me. I would rather have more quality friends than desperately needing a bunch of people to cling to me as if I was a queen. I didn’t think highly of Lizzy, and she probably didn’t think highly of me either. We just didn’t mix. She slept around. I didn’t. She dated a new guy every two weeks or so. I didn’t. I wanted a meaningful relationship. She just wanted sex.
Well, I kind of wanted sex too, or at least I was curious about it. I’d been kissed a few times, but they hadn’t been on the lips so they didn’t count, and the one boyfriend I dated for a substantial amount of time I didn’t allow to touch me. That had been three years ago, when I had been naïve and unwilling to touch myself, let alone think about actually having sex. I’d never seen a penis, let alone touched one.
Penis. Cock. I mulled the words over in my mind. Penis seemed too vanilla, too goody two shoes-like. Cock. More vulgar. More fitting.
I wanted to touch a cock.
Not just any cock.
Wes’s.
Adam was a good guy. He did volunteer work, he was bright, and he was hot. He was perfect for me.
But I didn’t want him as much sexually as I did Wes. Life would be so much easier if I did. Why was I so drawn to Wes?
I shouldn’t be worrying about this. I should be forcing myself to think about anything other than Wes. I definitely shouldn’t be analyzing my feelings for him. But I lingered there, watching him with Penelope, and I thought I figured it out.
Adam didn’t need me. Not like Wes did. Wes was damaged and hurt and betrayed. His life had been so hard. He needed some goodness in his life.
He sure as Hell didn’t need a girl like Lizzy in it. But could I help him? Or was I just falling into that mysterious bad boy trap? People didn’t change, right? That only happened in movies and books. Not in real life.
Head down, I walked past the living room and went straight up to my room. I lay on my bed and tried to forget about Wes, to blot him out of my mind. But I couldn’t. As I drifted off, my last thought was if he ever masturbated while thinking about me and hoping that he had or that he would in the future.
***
Friday rolled around, and as soon as I walked into school, everyone was buzzing about
She deserved a chance to live her life the way she wanted to—not the way Walter wanted for her, not the way Roslyn wanted.
Not the way I wanted.
She should be free to make her own choices, to do what she wanted, to fail and succeed.
April would never have that here, but she’d never leave. Not on her own.
Chapter Ten
April
I thought it would be easier and easier to ignore him, but it only got worse, especially right now. I was spying on him as he was sitting on the couch, tenderly holding the baby. I couldn’t believe it. Stripped away was his bad boy nature, and it was forcing me to think of him in a new light.
A light that would never go away. I wanted to be the one he was holding, to be sitting on his lap, for us to not be wearing any clothes.
Unreal. I was even more sexually frustrated. How could I get him out of my system? Something was wrong with me. Really wrong with me. I was beginning to get concerned. I had never been like this with Adam or any of my previous crushes. I’d never been…obsessed. There was no other word for it. I was hyperaware of him at all times, always wondering what he was doing, if he thought about me as much as I thought about him.
But why would he be? He had new friends. And Lizzy.
I never had a problem with Lizzy before Wes befriended her. Our social circles didn’t mix much. She was uber popular and hung out with the jocks and cheerleaders. I was beneath the likes of her, and I didn’t care. Popularity didn’t matter to me. I would rather have more quality friends than desperately needing a bunch of people to cling to me as if I was a queen. I didn’t think highly of Lizzy, and she probably didn’t think highly of me either. We just didn’t mix. She slept around. I didn’t. She dated a new guy every two weeks or so. I didn’t. I wanted a meaningful relationship. She just wanted sex.
Well, I kind of wanted sex too, or at least I was curious about it. I’d been kissed a few times, but they hadn’t been on the lips so they didn’t count, and the one boyfriend I dated for a substantial amount of time I didn’t allow to touch me. That had been three years ago, when I had been naïve and unwilling to touch myself, let alone think about actually having sex. I’d never seen a penis, let alone touched one.
Penis. Cock. I mulled the words over in my mind. Penis seemed too vanilla, too goody two shoes-like. Cock. More vulgar. More fitting.
I wanted to touch a cock.
Not just any cock.
Wes’s.
Adam was a good guy. He did volunteer work, he was bright, and he was hot. He was perfect for me.
But I didn’t want him as much sexually as I did Wes. Life would be so much easier if I did. Why was I so drawn to Wes?
I shouldn’t be worrying about this. I should be forcing myself to think about anything other than Wes. I definitely shouldn’t be analyzing my feelings for him. But I lingered there, watching him with Penelope, and I thought I figured it out.
Adam didn’t need me. Not like Wes did. Wes was damaged and hurt and betrayed. His life had been so hard. He needed some goodness in his life.
He sure as Hell didn’t need a girl like Lizzy in it. But could I help him? Or was I just falling into that mysterious bad boy trap? People didn’t change, right? That only happened in movies and books. Not in real life.
Head down, I walked past the living room and went straight up to my room. I lay on my bed and tried to forget about Wes, to blot him out of my mind. But I couldn’t. As I drifted off, my last thought was if he ever masturbated while thinking about me and hoping that he had or that he would in the future.
***
Friday rolled around, and as soon as I walked into school, everyone was buzzing about
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