tossed around those words like nothing while he chomped on a greasy link of cooked pig.
I raised my fork to take a bite of my eggs, but Andy gently pushed my hand down.
“It’s time you start eating better. I don’t want to see you get fat on me.” He laughed, shoving another forkful of fat in his mouth.
I placed my fork on top of my plate and folded my hands in my lap. As I leaned back in my chair I watched Andy. Forkful after forkful, he ate. Forkful after forkful, I watched. And all I could think about was Daddy.
I didn’t believe in prayers. And I didn’t believe people went somewhere when they died. I figured they closed their eyes and said goodbye forever. Nothing next. No reincarnation. No heaven. No hell. Just darkness.
But I talked to Daddy that day, making myself believe that somehow, somewhere he heard me.
As Andy signed the check I ended my conversation with Daddy.
“If you could, Daddy,” I said in my head. “Please, please rescue me. I don’t know how to get out. One minute I love it, the next I hate everything about my life and all that I’ve become.”
Andy smiled and nodded for me to get up and follow him to the car. I knew what was next. I knew why he didn’t want me to eat. He wanted me to be ready for my next great film. My next great chance to become a star. Except it’d been weeks and no sign of stardom had shown up yet.
Oh, well.
I stood and followed Andy.
Time to pretend again.
Chapter 23 Ally
Jessie never opened the bedroom door.
The numbers on the clock turned and turned until I heard the garage door open again, ten minutes later. I scrambled to the bedroom window.
There went Jessie’s car. Again.
I ran to the phone and dialed his number.
Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.
“Hello, you’ve reached—”
Click.
The sound of his voice could’ve just as well been the sound of a siren screeching in my ear. Annoying and painful.
That’s it, I thought. I’m done.
I went into the bathroom, rinsed my face and reapplied makeup. Lots of makeup. I curled my hair a little, went back to the bedroom and slipped on my favorite silky dress, a great necklace and a set of blue sapphire earrings to match, and a pair of lacey heels.
Yes, I wanted to make an impression. I wanted to be noticed since my husband obviously didn’t care.
On my way to my car I passed the dining room table and without thinking twice I took my rings off my finger and put them right in front of Jessie’s usual chair. No note. No regrets. Nothing.
And I knew exactly where I needed to go.
I knew where Sean worked so it wasn’t difficult to find him. Still not married or tied down, he worked late nights at Recher Theatre in Towson.
I parked my car in the nearby Barnes & Noble parking lot. Yes, there’s pretty much a Barnes & Noble everywhere in Maryland.
Chin up, shoulders back, feeling the best I’d felt in days, I walked down Towson streets until I reached Recher Theatre. Unable to go in, I meandered outside for a while. Maybe Sean would come out and see me. Yet, I feared what would happen if he did.
I slinked down and sat against the wall of the theatre. Don’t be mistaken by the name, it’s mostly a music venue. Sometimes comedians show up, but mostly bands. People walked by me. Happy couples. Not-so-happy singles. Hands linked. Hands in pockets. I analyzed the love around me, remembering Sean, remembering Jessie before all of this.
Sean walked through the doors.
Thump. Thump.
My heart, my hands, my neck, everything throbbed. Everything rocked inside of me. My world was turning upside down and I didn’t know if I wanted to stop it.
Smiling brighter than ever, Sean reached his arms out and I hesitantly walked into his embrace. Images from high school brushed through my mind as his hand touched my back. The smell of his cologne, still the same, took me back to nights of stargazing on the roof of his car. Happiness, I thought. I was happy then.
“So, how’ve you been?” he said. “It’s been so
I raised my fork to take a bite of my eggs, but Andy gently pushed my hand down.
“It’s time you start eating better. I don’t want to see you get fat on me.” He laughed, shoving another forkful of fat in his mouth.
I placed my fork on top of my plate and folded my hands in my lap. As I leaned back in my chair I watched Andy. Forkful after forkful, he ate. Forkful after forkful, I watched. And all I could think about was Daddy.
I didn’t believe in prayers. And I didn’t believe people went somewhere when they died. I figured they closed their eyes and said goodbye forever. Nothing next. No reincarnation. No heaven. No hell. Just darkness.
But I talked to Daddy that day, making myself believe that somehow, somewhere he heard me.
As Andy signed the check I ended my conversation with Daddy.
“If you could, Daddy,” I said in my head. “Please, please rescue me. I don’t know how to get out. One minute I love it, the next I hate everything about my life and all that I’ve become.”
Andy smiled and nodded for me to get up and follow him to the car. I knew what was next. I knew why he didn’t want me to eat. He wanted me to be ready for my next great film. My next great chance to become a star. Except it’d been weeks and no sign of stardom had shown up yet.
Oh, well.
I stood and followed Andy.
Time to pretend again.
Chapter 23 Ally
Jessie never opened the bedroom door.
The numbers on the clock turned and turned until I heard the garage door open again, ten minutes later. I scrambled to the bedroom window.
There went Jessie’s car. Again.
I ran to the phone and dialed his number.
Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.
“Hello, you’ve reached—”
Click.
The sound of his voice could’ve just as well been the sound of a siren screeching in my ear. Annoying and painful.
That’s it, I thought. I’m done.
I went into the bathroom, rinsed my face and reapplied makeup. Lots of makeup. I curled my hair a little, went back to the bedroom and slipped on my favorite silky dress, a great necklace and a set of blue sapphire earrings to match, and a pair of lacey heels.
Yes, I wanted to make an impression. I wanted to be noticed since my husband obviously didn’t care.
On my way to my car I passed the dining room table and without thinking twice I took my rings off my finger and put them right in front of Jessie’s usual chair. No note. No regrets. Nothing.
And I knew exactly where I needed to go.
I knew where Sean worked so it wasn’t difficult to find him. Still not married or tied down, he worked late nights at Recher Theatre in Towson.
I parked my car in the nearby Barnes & Noble parking lot. Yes, there’s pretty much a Barnes & Noble everywhere in Maryland.
Chin up, shoulders back, feeling the best I’d felt in days, I walked down Towson streets until I reached Recher Theatre. Unable to go in, I meandered outside for a while. Maybe Sean would come out and see me. Yet, I feared what would happen if he did.
I slinked down and sat against the wall of the theatre. Don’t be mistaken by the name, it’s mostly a music venue. Sometimes comedians show up, but mostly bands. People walked by me. Happy couples. Not-so-happy singles. Hands linked. Hands in pockets. I analyzed the love around me, remembering Sean, remembering Jessie before all of this.
Sean walked through the doors.
Thump. Thump.
My heart, my hands, my neck, everything throbbed. Everything rocked inside of me. My world was turning upside down and I didn’t know if I wanted to stop it.
Smiling brighter than ever, Sean reached his arms out and I hesitantly walked into his embrace. Images from high school brushed through my mind as his hand touched my back. The smell of his cologne, still the same, took me back to nights of stargazing on the roof of his car. Happiness, I thought. I was happy then.
“So, how’ve you been?” he said. “It’s been so
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