Exposed: A Novel by Ashley Weis Page A

long.”
    “I’m doing great.”
    Sean didn’t shy away from my eyes. He looked right into them. I thought for sure he saw through my mask, but he didn’t say anything. He just smiled, ran a hand over his shorter than short hair, and led me back to the bench.
    Butterflies invaded my insides, but they didn’t feel the same as the night I met Jessie. They felt like an invasion, pure and simple. But I tossed the truth aside and told myself to sit next to Sean.
    He sat a few feet away from me and took my hand.
    “No rings,” he said, still holding my hand.
    “Separation.”
    “I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “What happened?”
    “Not worth talking about.”
    He inched closer to me.
    My insides shivered.
    And closer.
    From my toes to my cheeks, my body heated. What am I doing? ran through my mind a few times, but I ignored it. My husband doesn’t care, I told myself. He doesn’t want me. Doesn’t love me. I’m not good enough.
    Not.
    Good.
    Enough.
    Sean’s hand touched my knee. His other arm wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. “Whatever he did or said isn’t right, Allyson. You are beautiful. Inside and out. You deserved better.”
    Honey, sweet, sweet, honey to my broken heart. I couldn’t help but notice, though, the d on the end of deserve. Jessie was becoming my past.
    And I didn’t like it.
    But I wanted to feel loved and Sean could provide that. He thought I was the most beautiful woman in the world from the day I met him. Probably still did.
    To be sure, I asked.
    He smiled. A serious, joy-worn smile. “Allyson, you shouldn’t need to ask that question.”
    “But I am asking,” I said. “Do you think I’m beautiful?”
    “The most beautiful.”
    “More beautiful than a blonde?”
    “Who needs to ask that? You define beauty, anything else is nowhere near the kind of beauty you are. Look at you.” He waved his hand up and down in front of me. “You’re perfect.”
    Dripping, sweet sugar to my ears.
    His cotton candy words seeped into my heart. Maybe I did marry the wrong person, I thought. People tried to warn me. Jessie’s own father tried to warn me.
    A car beeped.
    Sean and I jumped, then laughed and laughed until his face ended up two inches from mine.
    With only thick summer air between us, his lips begged me to come closer.
    You’re perfect.
    My eyelids closed.
    In the silence of a split second, I pictured Jessie’s face. I pictured our wedding vows, our appointments with fertility specialists, our first arguments and makeup nights, our spontaneous road trips. Like flashes of memories at the close of life, my marriage flashed before its end.
    And Sean’s breath warmed my face.

Chapter 24 Taylor
    After a few hours of being Sadie, I left Andy’s house with another $800 and a yearning for Cola. My insides, down there, burned so bad I could hardly walk. If I didn’t know any better, I’d had said my bladder was about to fall out of my body along with everything else.
    When I got home that day, I turned on the television, grabbed Cola, and primed a line to snort away my problems. Before I gave in, I noticed a lingerie ad on television. I thought of the fame Andy promised me.
    Glancing down at Cola, I pictured Daddy. I wondered if somehow he could see me, and if so, what he thought of Sadie.
    A tear rolled down my cheek and soaked into the powdery white line.
    I cupped my head in my hands and pulled my hair until more tears watered my eyes.
    No one loves me, I said inside. Daddy, I wish you didn’t leave me here. All Mom’s boyfriends touching me, now this. None of this would’ve happened if you were still with me.
    I pictured Mom’s first boyfriend after Daddy died. The way he smelled sour, like beer and sweat. The way he swaggered into my bedroom at night and made me do things no little kid should be forced to do.
    Now, I wanted to die. No part of me wanted to live. I had nothing to live for. Nothing except Andy and porn, and a second life that ripped my