girl. Is that what you want?”
My thoughts were tangled.
“This is just part of life. Husbands do what they want. You think you can just leave? Didn’t your mama teach you anything?” Her hand trembled.
“He can’t do this. He don’t own me.” My words were a whisper floating on the slight breeze.
“You’re Hobbs’s wife. You’ll only cause trouble if you go to your mama. She’ll pay for your wrongs. You’d better take yourself home and please him. Keep him happy, Nellie. That’s my best answer. Learn how to be the wife he needs. That’s what women do.”
I turned to leave. A dull thought knocked in my head. “I’ll never learn.”
“What did you say?” Aunt Ida made a couple of steps behind me. “Let me take care of those cuts and bruises.”
I kept walking. “No.”
“Don’t cause no more trouble. You’ll end up worse. He’s probably left for a while. Fix him a nice supper, make yourself pretty. Surprise him.”
I laughed at the blue sky and kept walking, a dip and stumble to each step as if I was going to fall on my face. Aunt Ida kept talking, but the roar in my head drowned her out.
The woods weren’t thick yet. It would be weeks before the leaves budded. The path was marked, worn, used. Merlin Hocket stood up the trail. I had halfway hoped I’d come on him. I wanted to turn into him.
“Sometimes you think you know the right way, but you do not. No one can blame you. It takes courage to follow the path that will truly free you, Nellie. You know what to do. You’ve known all along.” He stepped close, and his breath tickled my cheek. Then he was gone.
All that chopping wood gave me muscles that were tight and hard. Hobbs wasn’t figuring on that. I’d left some marks on him, but he was stronger. I chopped some extra wood. The ax split the logs. My aim was perfect. I toted the wood inside and stacked it next to the fireplace. I leaned the ax right beside it. Then I heated water and soaked in my lavender oil. My wounds opened. When I was through, I put on my wedding dress. My hair hung down my back. For a flicker, I saw the soft look Jack gave me now and then, but it only brought hate into my heart. Men were men whether they were soft or mean. Their needs came first.
The flames in the fireplace leapt up the chimney, warming the room too much. I waited in the rocker. Hobbs hadn’t gone far. The smell of fresh blood would bring him back. A hawk cried out. I drifted off into the sleep of the dead.
Hobbs bent over the rocker, a hand on each wooden arm,trapping me like a rabbit in a box. “Look at you. I guess a good beating now and then is just the thing. Makes you realize how lucky you are to have me. It makes you see what you got, don’t it, girl? I am the boss. You want to know why I married you, Nellie? Because you favor Mama and AzLeigh so much. They always knew how to take care of me. You fit in just fine with this house. But girl, we ain’t nothing alike.”
I became a ghost, and everybody knows ghosts don’t have anything to lose.
“What you smiling at?” His breath could have made me drunk; maybe it did.
“I’ll show you if you let me have some room.”
He grinned and straightened. “Now don’t you try something funny, or I’ll beat you again. I may have to beat you once a week for good measure.”
I dropped the dress off my shoulders and let it slide to the floor. The bruises—purple, dark—and cuts didn’t faze him. He grabbed me with hard, rough hands.
“Slow down. I want to show you what I can do, Hobbs. Nice and slow like.” I guided him to the floor on the rug his mama had hooked. I knelt beside him and left my regrets in the shadows. The person who mounted Hobbs turned the wind into the hot breath of the devil. I embraced the heat and hammered him into submission. When he tried to speak, I placed my finger to his lips.
After he fell into a deep drunken sleep, I untangled my body from his. In that moment, I could have walked away. The ax
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