Angel's Redemption by Andi Anderson

of living a life without Ben plagued his weary mind. For the past few weeks he had allowed himself to care about and maybe even fall in love with Elijah, he had started to live again and not just exist, as he had since Ben's death. The guilt of living again made him want to cry even more.
    It was so unfair. Ben was in the prime of his life and they were just starting to enjoy the benefits of hard work and making sacrifices to get ahead. They had just paid the house off, remodeled it like they wanted and were starting to take more vacations and stolen weekends together while they made plans for their future.
    Now Ben was gone, and for years Jackson did what he could to survive, to continue to breathe each day without him. Ever since he met Eli, that had changed. Jackson looked forward to being with the younger man; so much so, he forgot Ben's fucking birthday.
    He stifled a sob as he remembered the last morning they were together. Ben was in a hurry to get to work on time, as usual. Jackson was given a quick kiss and a half-hearted hug before Ben was running out the door—and soon afterward, out of Jackson's life. He wished for the millionth time that he'd made Ben slow down, just long enough for those precious minutes to pass on by, so Ben and that kid had never crossed paths in that fateful intersection. If Jackson had done that, Ben would still be here with him and they would be celebrating his special day together. They'd have friends and family over, have a few celebratory drinks, and make love until they both collapsed from exhaustion.
    Jackson's brow crinkled when he visualized Eli somewhere in the mix of it all. He knew that Ben would like the sweet man, and Jackson would've still become friends with Eli with or without Ben in his life. But he wondered how his attraction to Eli would have panned out.
    Even though he and Eli were becoming more affectionate with each other, they'd still never kissed. For the past few nights, Jackson had fallen asleep with the vision of both of them kissing and making love deep into the night. Would he still have these fantasies if Ben was still alive? Jackson honestly wasn't sure, but those thoughts made him feel like a low-life cheater, and he was guilt ridden over his feelings for Eli.
    Jackson allowed more tears to fall down his face. He rolled over onto his side and wrapped his arms around himself, curled into a lonely ball of misery.
    "Jack?"
    It sounded like Eli's voice, but it couldn't be since he had locked all of the doors, and there was no other way to get into the house. Jackson's temples started to ache from crying, and he knew he should get his sorry ass up and take some aspirin for the massive headache sure to come. He just didn't have the gumption to do so. Besides, Jackson deserved to feel a little pain after what he forgot today.
    "Jack? Where are you?"
    He closed his eyes and tried to blot out Eli's voice. He didn't know why his mind decided to play tricks on him, and he was determined to not think about Eli for the rest of the day. Today was Ben's day and the least he could do was just think about his dead lover.
    The door eased open and through blurry eyes, he could see Eli's lean form shadowed in the doorway. "Oh my God, Jack… are you all right?" Before Jackson could wrap his mind around the fact that Eli had somehow gotten into his house, his friend was sitting beside him on the bed. Eli reached down and gently pushed his hair away from his tear-streaked face.
    "Jack… what happened? Are you sick? Is it your mother?" Eli quietly asked as he ran his fingers through Jack's sweaty hair.
    Jackson shook his head and stifled a sob. He hated looking weak in front of anyone and especially this man. Shit, Jackson was supposed to be the nurturer, the person that people came to when they had problems, not the other way around.
    Eli made a soft, consoling noise and stood up. He walked into the adjoining bathroom, and Jackson heard him rustling around the medicine cabinet. He