closed his eyes and resolutely told himself to chill the fuck out. Jackson needed to show Eli that he was doing all right so his concerned friend would leave.
Eli walked toward him holding a small glass of water in one hand and with his hand fisted, probably holding pills. "Here, Jack," he whispered, handing him two small pills and gently lifting his head, bringing the glass of water to his lips. "Take these. I know when I'm upset like this, I always get a headache."
Jackson tossed the pills into his mouth and leaned forward to drink the cold water. It felt good and crisp against his scratchy throat. He greedily gulped it down and murmured his thanks in a croaky voice.
"I'll be right back with some more water."
Before Jackson could protest and tell Eli he didn't need anything, his friend laid Jackson's head gently back on the pillow and walked out of the room. Despite telling himself to stop being a big crybaby in front of Eli, tears continued to slide down Jackson's face, and he tucked himself back into a tight ball.
He closed his eyes and deliberately pushed Eli's thoughtful gestures aside. Jackson needed to concentrate on Ben, not Eli. He wanted to think of nothing but Ben and how much he missed him, not the loving, considerate man that had invaded Jackson's privacy and his guilt-ridden heart.
The soft footsteps of Eli re-entering the room did nothing to soothe his grief. Behind him, the mattress was pressed down and Jackson was wrapped in the comforting warmth of Eli cuddling up behind him. Eli slid his hand around Jackson's middle. He found himself unconscientiously grabbing his friend's hand. He pulled him closer until they were firmly lying against one another.
"How did you get in here? I locked all the doors." God, his voice sounded like shit.
"You showed me where you keep your spare key, remember?"
Damn, he forgot about that.
"What happened, Jack?" Eli's voice was low and soothing, his breath hot and moist against the back of his neck.
Jackson shook his head. Eli gave a sigh and just held him for a few moments. As much as Jackson didn't want to, he took in the support and peacefulness of being in Elijah's arms.
"Please, Jack. Don't push me away. You've been such a good friend to me and listened to me when I needed it most. Lean on me, Jack… let me show you that I can be there for you too."
Elijah's softly spoken words made his determination to block him out start to slowly fade away. He took a shuddering breath and before he knew it, he began to talk. Jackson talked about his relationship with Ben and how much he missed him. He told Eli about his guilt over forgetting Ben's birthday, and how in the past few weeks he didn't dwell on his lover's death like he once did. Jackson talked about the good and bad times they had together, and how in the end, they always seemed to work it out when things got tough.
Jackson kept expecting Eli to pull away or to try to change the subject. He learned long ago that people didn't like to talk about the dead. Jackson was supposed to move on and not think of the past and how much the loss of his lover left a big gaping hole in his life and heart. Instead, Eli was quiet and let him talk, cry, and rave against the unfairness of it, all the while supporting him, comforting him with his silent presence.
After Jackson was hoarse from talking and emotionally spent from cleansing his soul, he gently pulled free of Eli's arms and turned around to face him. In the shadowed darkness, he could see the empathy and acceptance radiating within the gleam of those golden brown eyes.
"I'm sorry, Eli."
"Why are you apologizing? Don't you see how much I want to be there for you? To comfort you when you cry and be the man you come to when you need someone most?" Eli whispered in a compassionate, soothing voice.
Jackson reached up and placed his hand against the slight scratchiness of Eli's cheek. Guilt or no guilt, he needed this man in his life. Jackson was as sure of it as he was
Eli walked toward him holding a small glass of water in one hand and with his hand fisted, probably holding pills. "Here, Jack," he whispered, handing him two small pills and gently lifting his head, bringing the glass of water to his lips. "Take these. I know when I'm upset like this, I always get a headache."
Jackson tossed the pills into his mouth and leaned forward to drink the cold water. It felt good and crisp against his scratchy throat. He greedily gulped it down and murmured his thanks in a croaky voice.
"I'll be right back with some more water."
Before Jackson could protest and tell Eli he didn't need anything, his friend laid Jackson's head gently back on the pillow and walked out of the room. Despite telling himself to stop being a big crybaby in front of Eli, tears continued to slide down Jackson's face, and he tucked himself back into a tight ball.
He closed his eyes and deliberately pushed Eli's thoughtful gestures aside. Jackson needed to concentrate on Ben, not Eli. He wanted to think of nothing but Ben and how much he missed him, not the loving, considerate man that had invaded Jackson's privacy and his guilt-ridden heart.
The soft footsteps of Eli re-entering the room did nothing to soothe his grief. Behind him, the mattress was pressed down and Jackson was wrapped in the comforting warmth of Eli cuddling up behind him. Eli slid his hand around Jackson's middle. He found himself unconscientiously grabbing his friend's hand. He pulled him closer until they were firmly lying against one another.
"How did you get in here? I locked all the doors." God, his voice sounded like shit.
"You showed me where you keep your spare key, remember?"
Damn, he forgot about that.
"What happened, Jack?" Eli's voice was low and soothing, his breath hot and moist against the back of his neck.
Jackson shook his head. Eli gave a sigh and just held him for a few moments. As much as Jackson didn't want to, he took in the support and peacefulness of being in Elijah's arms.
"Please, Jack. Don't push me away. You've been such a good friend to me and listened to me when I needed it most. Lean on me, Jack… let me show you that I can be there for you too."
Elijah's softly spoken words made his determination to block him out start to slowly fade away. He took a shuddering breath and before he knew it, he began to talk. Jackson talked about his relationship with Ben and how much he missed him. He told Eli about his guilt over forgetting Ben's birthday, and how in the past few weeks he didn't dwell on his lover's death like he once did. Jackson talked about the good and bad times they had together, and how in the end, they always seemed to work it out when things got tough.
Jackson kept expecting Eli to pull away or to try to change the subject. He learned long ago that people didn't like to talk about the dead. Jackson was supposed to move on and not think of the past and how much the loss of his lover left a big gaping hole in his life and heart. Instead, Eli was quiet and let him talk, cry, and rave against the unfairness of it, all the while supporting him, comforting him with his silent presence.
After Jackson was hoarse from talking and emotionally spent from cleansing his soul, he gently pulled free of Eli's arms and turned around to face him. In the shadowed darkness, he could see the empathy and acceptance radiating within the gleam of those golden brown eyes.
"I'm sorry, Eli."
"Why are you apologizing? Don't you see how much I want to be there for you? To comfort you when you cry and be the man you come to when you need someone most?" Eli whispered in a compassionate, soothing voice.
Jackson reached up and placed his hand against the slight scratchiness of Eli's cheek. Guilt or no guilt, he needed this man in his life. Jackson was as sure of it as he was
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