when he fell in love with Benjamin, and although it scared him a little, Jackson decided to toss all of his fear and guilt aside and put it all on the table. There would be nothing but truth and trust between them. If not they would have nothing—no strong foundation to build on.
"I can't help it, I guess. I'm not used to pushing my problems onto others. I was raised with the 'sweep your problems under the rug' type of mentality and I've never shown my weaknesses to others."
Eli gave him a gentle smile, pulled his hand away from his cheek, and pressed a soft kiss on the palm. Eli then clasped their hands together and held them between their bodies. "I understand. In many ways we're alike when it comes to talking about our problems and the past. I want you to remember that you don't have to hide your feelings from me. I want to share things with you. It can't always be rainbows and sunshine… there has to be rainy days too."
Jackson's guilt eased some from Eli's words. But he needed to tell Eli more, needed him to understand where Jackson was coming from as well as his feelings for Eli.
"Eli," he whispered, leaning forward and tenderly touching their foreheads together. It was a very intimate contact between them, with their lips just centimeters from each other. "I want so much for you, from you. I feel alive, like you've given me new life again. But it scares me, and also makes me feel guilty because even though I loved Ben with all of my heart, there is a something I have with you that I never had with him."
"What's that?"
"Although we loved each other, there wasn't always a balance between us. Sometimes I felt like I gave more to the relationship than he did. Ben was a man's man. If he walked in on me crying or upset about something, he would tell me to suck it up and be a man, so I learned to keep some emotions at bay. With you, I'm seeing that I can be myself, and you'll be there for me regardless of whether I'm having a bad day or not."
A look of love and affection washed over Eli's face, making Jack's breath catch. Love looked beautiful on his dear friend, and Jack was suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to keep that look on Eli for the rest of his life.
Eli leaned forward and pressed his soft lips against his in a tender kiss. Although it was almost chaste, Jack enjoyed the sweetness of it. Jack found himself lying on his back with Eli tucked securely under his arm. As they held each other and talked deep into the night, Jack knew that big gaping hole in his heart and life was beginning to mend.
Chapter Eleven
Elijah groggily opened his eyes and stretched. He reached beside him, needing to feel the warmth of Jack's body, but was met with nothing but a soft mattress and cold sheets. He glanced over and saw the indention of Jack's head on his pillow. Smiling, Elijah grabbed it, brought it to his face, and inhaled the faint scent of Jack's fresh-smelling shampoo. Elijah hugged the pillow to him as the events and conversation they had together last night played over in his mind.
For the first time, Jack talked about Ben and even though he hurt for him, the stories about the survivor's guilt Jack felt was exactly what he needed. Instead of feeling jealous of the love Jack and Ben shared, it made him realize how much Elijah wanted Jack to feel the same way toward him. Elijah already loved Jack. How could he not love such an incredible man and loyal friend? Loving Jack was actually the easy part. Sometimes showing it was another matter.
But as they held each other and talked, Elijah soon came to the realization that his feelings were not one-sided. Sure, he knew Jack really cared about him, but in all honesty hadn't known the depth of those feelings until hours ago.
His stomach growled, reminding him that he didn't eat dinner last night. He looked at the alarm clock on the small nightstand. Just after nine. God, he must have been really tired to sleep in this late, or maybe it was for the first time in…
"I can't help it, I guess. I'm not used to pushing my problems onto others. I was raised with the 'sweep your problems under the rug' type of mentality and I've never shown my weaknesses to others."
Eli gave him a gentle smile, pulled his hand away from his cheek, and pressed a soft kiss on the palm. Eli then clasped their hands together and held them between their bodies. "I understand. In many ways we're alike when it comes to talking about our problems and the past. I want you to remember that you don't have to hide your feelings from me. I want to share things with you. It can't always be rainbows and sunshine… there has to be rainy days too."
Jackson's guilt eased some from Eli's words. But he needed to tell Eli more, needed him to understand where Jackson was coming from as well as his feelings for Eli.
"Eli," he whispered, leaning forward and tenderly touching their foreheads together. It was a very intimate contact between them, with their lips just centimeters from each other. "I want so much for you, from you. I feel alive, like you've given me new life again. But it scares me, and also makes me feel guilty because even though I loved Ben with all of my heart, there is a something I have with you that I never had with him."
"What's that?"
"Although we loved each other, there wasn't always a balance between us. Sometimes I felt like I gave more to the relationship than he did. Ben was a man's man. If he walked in on me crying or upset about something, he would tell me to suck it up and be a man, so I learned to keep some emotions at bay. With you, I'm seeing that I can be myself, and you'll be there for me regardless of whether I'm having a bad day or not."
A look of love and affection washed over Eli's face, making Jack's breath catch. Love looked beautiful on his dear friend, and Jack was suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to keep that look on Eli for the rest of his life.
Eli leaned forward and pressed his soft lips against his in a tender kiss. Although it was almost chaste, Jack enjoyed the sweetness of it. Jack found himself lying on his back with Eli tucked securely under his arm. As they held each other and talked deep into the night, Jack knew that big gaping hole in his heart and life was beginning to mend.
Chapter Eleven
Elijah groggily opened his eyes and stretched. He reached beside him, needing to feel the warmth of Jack's body, but was met with nothing but a soft mattress and cold sheets. He glanced over and saw the indention of Jack's head on his pillow. Smiling, Elijah grabbed it, brought it to his face, and inhaled the faint scent of Jack's fresh-smelling shampoo. Elijah hugged the pillow to him as the events and conversation they had together last night played over in his mind.
For the first time, Jack talked about Ben and even though he hurt for him, the stories about the survivor's guilt Jack felt was exactly what he needed. Instead of feeling jealous of the love Jack and Ben shared, it made him realize how much Elijah wanted Jack to feel the same way toward him. Elijah already loved Jack. How could he not love such an incredible man and loyal friend? Loving Jack was actually the easy part. Sometimes showing it was another matter.
But as they held each other and talked, Elijah soon came to the realization that his feelings were not one-sided. Sure, he knew Jack really cared about him, but in all honesty hadn't known the depth of those feelings until hours ago.
His stomach growled, reminding him that he didn't eat dinner last night. He looked at the alarm clock on the small nightstand. Just after nine. God, he must have been really tired to sleep in this late, or maybe it was for the first time in…
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