What the (Bleep) Just Happened?

What the (Bleep) Just Happened? by Monica Crowley

Book: What the (Bleep) Just Happened? by Monica Crowley Read Free Book Online
Authors: Monica Crowley
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watching The Dukes of Hazzard . His leftist kookdom was revealed in all of its glory in a February 2008 speech, in which he said, “Generally speaking, we get the joke. We know that the free market is nonsense.... We know this is largely about power, that it’s an adults-only no-limit game. We kind of agree with Mao that political power comes largely from the barrel of a gun.” Memo to Obama’s first communications director, Anita Dunn: you weren’t the only Mao-lover in the White House.
    Vivek Kundra, information czar. Also known as: Who the Heck Is Vivek? Obama appointed him the nation’s chief technology officer, in charge of a $71 billion budget, even though Kundra pleaded guilty to shoplifting $134 worth of stuff from JC Penney in 1997. Just days after his appointment, Kundra was placed on administrative leave after his former office was raided by the FBI. He would have been Obama’s point man in reading your e-mails. “Hi Vivek! OMG. LOL.”
    John Holdren, science czar, who looks like he probably auditioned for the lead role in The Shaggy Dog , but don’t let the cuddly look fool you. Holdren is a particularly nasty piece of leftist work. He has called America “the meanest of wealthy countries” and has endorsed one-world government in a “surrender of sovereignty” to “a comprehensive planetary regime” that would control and dispense all global resources, redistribute the confiscated wealth, draft a world army, direct a “de-development” of the West, and limit the growth of the world’s population through compulsory abortion. Babies, schmabies! Who needs ’em?
    Nancy-Ann DeParle, health care czar. A strong proponent of health care rationing. While we’re aborting babies, let’s kill Grandma too!
    Ed Montgomery, car recovery czar. A former ACORN board member who serves on the academic advisory committee for the Soros-funded Center for American Progress.
    Alan Bersin, border czar. An advocate of open borders, because after all, sovereignty is overrated.
    Obama, with the assistance of the radical czars and his wingmen in Congress, got the leftist rampage rolling. In the first hundred days alone, Obama pushed through the nearly $1 trillion “stimulus”; got a half-trillion-dollar omnibus spending bill; offered up a measly $100 million in “cuts” in a nearly $4 trillion initial proposed budget, all while claiming he wanted “fiscal responsibility”; nationalized much of the U.S. auto industry; screwed General Motors’ bondholders; pledged transparency while stonewalling disclosure of where the TARP (Trouble Asset Relief Program) money went; nominated five tax cheats to his cabinet; began to launch Adventures in Socialized Medicine; oversaw a Department of Homeland Security report that called our returning veterans “security risks”; politicized the 2010 Census by moving it into the White House; announced the closure of Guantánamo Bay without a plan to actually do so; released top-secret Central Intelligence Agency interrogation memos; opened the door to prosecutions of CIA officials who had engaged in enhanced interrogations of terrorist suspects; failed to respond to a North Korean nuclear missile test launch; was all smiles for longtime U.S. enemies Hugo Chávez, Fidel Castro, and Daniel Ortega; bowed to Saudi king Abdullah; began his Apology Tour to offer his regret for past American injustice; and insulted our closest ally, Great Britain, not once but twice, first by returning a bust of Winston Churchill that had been a special gift, and second, by giving Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II an iPod loaded with his speeches (because, after all, Obama speeches are like Lay’s Potato Chips: you can’t have just one).
    The kooks knew that their redistributionist omelet could not be made without breaking a few eggs and that they might lose a few bodies along the way. Indeed, as time passed, the Obama Hypnosis began to wear off and the redistributionists’ agenda ripened. Pretty soon,

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