intention, “he says, passing a hand through his hair. I mean, I did not mean to kiss you but I do not regret what happened. Should know, but … He is quiet and I look, I can not look at it. “No sorry, the whispers, not as it should. I just … Sarah. He wanted it, wanted the kiss. He wanted to kiss me. There is a small blush on his face, covering his cheeks and forehead, he looks nervous, but then I look a bit and we’re watching. We are watching and only us, only he and I and … - Okay, come down! And Brianna. Brianna making dinner and waiting for us, Brianna, who wants to be with Ryan who made me go with her because she is worried and feels Blame, not as a wave, not a soft rush, but strong and fast, a wall is closed hit me. I’m here with her boyfriend, talking about a kiss that would destroy it. “I …” I say and he also said, at the same time, two overlapping echoes, and I can see his face change as it does mine, I know we’re both remembering where we are. Who turn around. But the thing is, and it’s horrible I know, that’s not enough. All that was and still is not enough to make me stop thinking about Ryan. It is not enough to keep me in mind of Brianna Ryan, as the boyfriend of my best friend.
He recalls, I remember, both at the same time we are preparing, preparing, and I wonder if everything he’s humming, waiting like me. And then here we are, standing by the door, and no
SCOTT ELIZABETH THE UNWRITTEN RULE
PURPLE ROSE FORUM
94
we go through this together but we have to do it because Brianna is waiting downstairs. Giro when he does too, and now we’re face to face, and I did not dump me so he can go first, I hope he will turn towards me, making, and now there is no air in the room, no air Worldwide, there is only the pulse of my heart beating fast in my chest, quietly pounding in my ears, and he says: “Sarah-very smooth. He says my name and I looked at it. The watches me like the only person in the room, the only person, and shake my head because this can not be, can not, and still is. He’s going to happen. And I want to happen. I close the space between us. Do not close my eyes. I see his face coming closer and I want it. When you kiss me, everything stops. I do not know how long it takes, I do not know if the universe goes through us, if she slips and dies and is reborn again, because all that matters is your mouth on mine, my mouth on yours. The feel of him pressed against me, shoulders, chest, legs and is too but not enough. I crawl up inside what is happening. I mark in my brain to never forget. I’m on my toes to reach it, and then he pulls me closer, wrapping his hands. Standing up, and he is holding. His mouth on mine. He tastes like toothpaste, and skin at the base of your neck is warm and soft and he breathes faster pressed me against him. The touch of his mouth, his body and we are pushing closer. Will I push on it?, “My heart will beat with yours? “Hey, guys, Brianna come and yell, your voice close on the stairs, and silence, our silence is broken. I hear their footsteps and our breathing. I feel my back pressed against the door frame, I feel your hands on me, one holding my waist, the other bent on my hip. Breathe Your forehead touching mine, I have a view of her lips.
SCOTT ELIZABETH THE UNWRITTEN RULE
PURPLE ROSE FORUM
95
Another kiss, we have another kiss, and I want more, much more. I’m so confused, so … I can not follow. I push and I take my books. Brianna comes and says: - Sara? -Holding a bowl of mouth passes into their hands, all the different types of concern have emerged as she says that. I did, I kissed her boyfriend. I wish your boyfriend, I forget about it, I forget everything. I shake my head and say, “Really … I have to go, and under the stairs, outside, I feel a weight on my shoulders when she calls me and then screams. Yes, I’m fine, I promise. I see it in the door when I walk down the avenue. His hands are in his pockets, his eyes can not
He recalls, I remember, both at the same time we are preparing, preparing, and I wonder if everything he’s humming, waiting like me. And then here we are, standing by the door, and no
SCOTT ELIZABETH THE UNWRITTEN RULE
PURPLE ROSE FORUM
94
we go through this together but we have to do it because Brianna is waiting downstairs. Giro when he does too, and now we’re face to face, and I did not dump me so he can go first, I hope he will turn towards me, making, and now there is no air in the room, no air Worldwide, there is only the pulse of my heart beating fast in my chest, quietly pounding in my ears, and he says: “Sarah-very smooth. He says my name and I looked at it. The watches me like the only person in the room, the only person, and shake my head because this can not be, can not, and still is. He’s going to happen. And I want to happen. I close the space between us. Do not close my eyes. I see his face coming closer and I want it. When you kiss me, everything stops. I do not know how long it takes, I do not know if the universe goes through us, if she slips and dies and is reborn again, because all that matters is your mouth on mine, my mouth on yours. The feel of him pressed against me, shoulders, chest, legs and is too but not enough. I crawl up inside what is happening. I mark in my brain to never forget. I’m on my toes to reach it, and then he pulls me closer, wrapping his hands. Standing up, and he is holding. His mouth on mine. He tastes like toothpaste, and skin at the base of your neck is warm and soft and he breathes faster pressed me against him. The touch of his mouth, his body and we are pushing closer. Will I push on it?, “My heart will beat with yours? “Hey, guys, Brianna come and yell, your voice close on the stairs, and silence, our silence is broken. I hear their footsteps and our breathing. I feel my back pressed against the door frame, I feel your hands on me, one holding my waist, the other bent on my hip. Breathe Your forehead touching mine, I have a view of her lips.
SCOTT ELIZABETH THE UNWRITTEN RULE
PURPLE ROSE FORUM
95
Another kiss, we have another kiss, and I want more, much more. I’m so confused, so … I can not follow. I push and I take my books. Brianna comes and says: - Sara? -Holding a bowl of mouth passes into their hands, all the different types of concern have emerged as she says that. I did, I kissed her boyfriend. I wish your boyfriend, I forget about it, I forget everything. I shake my head and say, “Really … I have to go, and under the stairs, outside, I feel a weight on my shoulders when she calls me and then screams. Yes, I’m fine, I promise. I see it in the door when I walk down the avenue. His hands are in his pockets, his eyes can not
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