see. She is still holding the mouth and starts going to turn around when I drive away. And I look blindly on the road, trying to see it. There are millions of rules to be a girl. There are millions of things that have to do to get through each day. The school has things that can make you fall, ruin, people smiling, saying, meaning other things and you have to know all the rules. You have to know what can and can not do. And one of these is: Do not kiss your boyfriend’s best friend. You do not do it once and certainly not do both. Do not do it because being best friends goes beyond the school is a quick step to know what and because it is stronger than that I’ve known forever Brianna, she chose me to be your friend. And I’ve always been there for her. I’ve always been a good friend, and I’m not a bad person, really, I’m not. Except that I am. Kiss your boyfriend and then turned to kiss. We split when we heard his voice, but how about if we had not done? What if she had not been there? I’m broken, I created a gap. I can see my heart and not what I thought was not good and kind and all the things I always thought it was. At home. I go and see mom and dad on the couch. The observer spoke. I can not hear them, but I see them pointing the phone. I see their mouths gesture - Sarah? “Their faces full of concern
SCOTT ELIZABETH THE UNWRITTEN RULE
PURPLE ROSE FORUM
96
Road to the phone, my heart beating so hard that I feel sick. “Hey” Brianna says, his voice in my ear. Just wanted to make sure you’re okay before you go, Ryan wanted to follow you home and make sure you were okay but I would call because he did not need to prove that the super-boyfriend. I mean it already, and you’re fine right? “Yes, I’m fine, I say, just fine, I’m well, kiss your boyfriend, sorry Brianna. Sorry, “he added, and she laughs and says. Yeah, okay, whatever, silly, she does not know what I mean. She says, “I’m ? and then hangs up, silence, and I mean that-sorry ? the kiss, I also feel that Ryan did not follow me. And I feel that there was no … no … more between us. In what may have. This skid is the unwritten rule: Do not covet what you can not have, and I have not only broken that rule, I destroyed, I have crushed and yet … Still want to …
SCOTT ELIZABETH THE UNWRITTEN RULE
PURPLE ROSE FORUM
97
TRANSLATED BY: Sheilita Belikov CORRECTED BY: cYeLy DiviNNa
ubo to my room, stunned, and I sit on my bed. Pressed the tips of my fingers over my eyes closed, as if he could remove what I see. Away what happened. I’ll never sleep. Try anyway, I prepare for bed, I put on pajamas, brush my teeth. I am in bed with the lights on, staring at nothing. I lie down and close my eyes. Immediately open it again because, of course, Ryan is who I see. Finally I give up trying to sleep. I sit up and turn on the light beside my bed, then flip through the magazines that I have piled on the floor. I never read the articles because they are always the same: Believe in yourself! Also, Here’s how to have better skin and lose weight!, But sometimes the photos give me ideas of tennis. And now I need an idea. A distraction. The magazine I pick up is a thick, filled with photos of what is new, except they call “recent”, and I cover all the high heels on a photo of a jumping model. For her choose a pair of old canvas tennis shoe shaped like the kind that basketball players tend to use, and change the strings in another way, put a bow on top, and would fill with pieces of cloth worn with buttons used attached to almost cover the gap, leaving only enough room for a pair of socks (striped, I think) that you see through them.
S
SCOTT ELIZABETH THE UNWRITTEN RULE
PURPLE ROSE FORUM
98
I like the idea of the button, and the arc at the bottom of the shoe, but I can not do anything with it, can not see. I’ve been doing this, pretending to be myself, to be normal, but every time my mind has me spitting image, repeating over and over
SCOTT ELIZABETH THE UNWRITTEN RULE
PURPLE ROSE FORUM
96
Road to the phone, my heart beating so hard that I feel sick. “Hey” Brianna says, his voice in my ear. Just wanted to make sure you’re okay before you go, Ryan wanted to follow you home and make sure you were okay but I would call because he did not need to prove that the super-boyfriend. I mean it already, and you’re fine right? “Yes, I’m fine, I say, just fine, I’m well, kiss your boyfriend, sorry Brianna. Sorry, “he added, and she laughs and says. Yeah, okay, whatever, silly, she does not know what I mean. She says, “I’m ? and then hangs up, silence, and I mean that-sorry ? the kiss, I also feel that Ryan did not follow me. And I feel that there was no … no … more between us. In what may have. This skid is the unwritten rule: Do not covet what you can not have, and I have not only broken that rule, I destroyed, I have crushed and yet … Still want to …
SCOTT ELIZABETH THE UNWRITTEN RULE
PURPLE ROSE FORUM
97
TRANSLATED BY: Sheilita Belikov CORRECTED BY: cYeLy DiviNNa
ubo to my room, stunned, and I sit on my bed. Pressed the tips of my fingers over my eyes closed, as if he could remove what I see. Away what happened. I’ll never sleep. Try anyway, I prepare for bed, I put on pajamas, brush my teeth. I am in bed with the lights on, staring at nothing. I lie down and close my eyes. Immediately open it again because, of course, Ryan is who I see. Finally I give up trying to sleep. I sit up and turn on the light beside my bed, then flip through the magazines that I have piled on the floor. I never read the articles because they are always the same: Believe in yourself! Also, Here’s how to have better skin and lose weight!, But sometimes the photos give me ideas of tennis. And now I need an idea. A distraction. The magazine I pick up is a thick, filled with photos of what is new, except they call “recent”, and I cover all the high heels on a photo of a jumping model. For her choose a pair of old canvas tennis shoe shaped like the kind that basketball players tend to use, and change the strings in another way, put a bow on top, and would fill with pieces of cloth worn with buttons used attached to almost cover the gap, leaving only enough room for a pair of socks (striped, I think) that you see through them.
S
SCOTT ELIZABETH THE UNWRITTEN RULE
PURPLE ROSE FORUM
98
I like the idea of the button, and the arc at the bottom of the shoe, but I can not do anything with it, can not see. I’ve been doing this, pretending to be myself, to be normal, but every time my mind has me spitting image, repeating over and over
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