again to Ryan tonight, an endless cycle that has me sitting here bother me. Amaze. Recalling that we kissed. I’m gonna push it all away in a moment, I just want one last time. And then I remember seeing Ryan kissing Brianna at this event, at the end of summer, my mind screaming in rage injury although he had no reason to be angry. Ryan was not mine, and he clearly wanted to be hers. He is yours. I push the magazine out of bed and try to dispel the idea that appears just behind it. This: Maybe he could be yours. She is making out with another, after all. Why should not he kiss you? I wish I had said no when he asked me tonight to go with her. I do not tell Brianna that very often, but if it had, would not be awake at this time to have a silent debate with myself about just how wrong is kissing Ryan, with: Very Wrong! presenting their cause: But remember how you felt! submitted at the same time point. Grab a pair of shoes with no-frills, simple white canvas, and watch them, trying to decide what to do with them. Tracing a finger on them, trying to figure out a design. I plotter cubes. Cubes, as Ryan has seen me draw, as we talked about in the night … Okay, high. I’m not thinking about it, I will not. Start simple. What color should it be? Blank. I can not see a color, I can not see anything except this night, the kiss, and I can not see him.
SCOTT ELIZABETH THE UNWRITTEN RULE
PURPLE ROSE FORUM
99
I do not want to. I wish someone would come and tell me what to do, tell me how to make everything work, but there is nothing, only night and silence and my own tangled thoughts.
TRANSLATED BY: cYeLy DiviNNa CORRECTED BY: Tibari
The next morning, Ryan shows up at my house. He tells my parents that we’re lab partners and ended up in my living room next to each other, so quietly, in a quiet tension, and then we kiss and he says he can not live without me, you have to be me, and Brianna already know, spoke with her yesterday evening and she is happy for us because he wants us to be very happy because I’m his best friend y… Oh, forget it. What really happens is that I’m eating oatmeal and ready for school. Ryan does not appear, and even if it had, I could not even think of a stupid way my fantasy to have a happy ending. Brianna comes to look, and says, “Ryan was so sweet to me last night while we go to school. He walked me to my car and said he loved me, we’re the perfect couple, so if you analyze it correctly, you will realize that it is true, I’m so happy, I could not wait to tell you … “at that moment my brain blocked I did not want to continue listening, I could not hear her say all those things about her and Ryan, as I felt my heart crumble into a thousand pieces, is worth not a thousand, ten thousand-all my dreams, my fantasy was stupid to fret in minutes .
Brianna continued talking all the way while I was still immersed in my thoughts, what I really meant so little to Ryan? Was it just your hobby? A distraction? Brianna And his true love?,
A
SCOTT ELIZABETH THE UNWRITTEN RULE
PURPLE ROSE FORUM
100
These thoughts haunted me and what is worse, I allowed to torment me. Without realizing it, I returned to the conversation with Brianna, to hear about Greg. By God, how could she have time to talk and think about someone else, having a guy like Ryan at his side? If I were you, if I were Brianna ever, I feel tempted to choose between two guys for smart, attractive or whatever they were, Ryan was perfect, what more could you want? But again, I had to set foot on on-ground. I was not was in place … I was not Brianna and of course … I had no Ryan … Great, Sarah, just great When you understand that Ryan and Brianna are together, you do not get into that equation? Yes, I know, is the question that I have done every day since Brianna and Ryan began dating. Achievement clear my mind of Ryan-Brianna-I-Ryan … to return to this, the conversation with Brianna. And she is talking about me and Greg, about a
SCOTT ELIZABETH THE UNWRITTEN RULE
PURPLE ROSE FORUM
99
I do not want to. I wish someone would come and tell me what to do, tell me how to make everything work, but there is nothing, only night and silence and my own tangled thoughts.
TRANSLATED BY: cYeLy DiviNNa CORRECTED BY: Tibari
The next morning, Ryan shows up at my house. He tells my parents that we’re lab partners and ended up in my living room next to each other, so quietly, in a quiet tension, and then we kiss and he says he can not live without me, you have to be me, and Brianna already know, spoke with her yesterday evening and she is happy for us because he wants us to be very happy because I’m his best friend y… Oh, forget it. What really happens is that I’m eating oatmeal and ready for school. Ryan does not appear, and even if it had, I could not even think of a stupid way my fantasy to have a happy ending. Brianna comes to look, and says, “Ryan was so sweet to me last night while we go to school. He walked me to my car and said he loved me, we’re the perfect couple, so if you analyze it correctly, you will realize that it is true, I’m so happy, I could not wait to tell you … “at that moment my brain blocked I did not want to continue listening, I could not hear her say all those things about her and Ryan, as I felt my heart crumble into a thousand pieces, is worth not a thousand, ten thousand-all my dreams, my fantasy was stupid to fret in minutes .
Brianna continued talking all the way while I was still immersed in my thoughts, what I really meant so little to Ryan? Was it just your hobby? A distraction? Brianna And his true love?,
A
SCOTT ELIZABETH THE UNWRITTEN RULE
PURPLE ROSE FORUM
100
These thoughts haunted me and what is worse, I allowed to torment me. Without realizing it, I returned to the conversation with Brianna, to hear about Greg. By God, how could she have time to talk and think about someone else, having a guy like Ryan at his side? If I were you, if I were Brianna ever, I feel tempted to choose between two guys for smart, attractive or whatever they were, Ryan was perfect, what more could you want? But again, I had to set foot on on-ground. I was not was in place … I was not Brianna and of course … I had no Ryan … Great, Sarah, just great When you understand that Ryan and Brianna are together, you do not get into that equation? Yes, I know, is the question that I have done every day since Brianna and Ryan began dating. Achievement clear my mind of Ryan-Brianna-I-Ryan … to return to this, the conversation with Brianna. And she is talking about me and Greg, about a
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