The Secret Life of Mrs. Claus

The Secret Life of Mrs. Claus by Carly Alexander

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Authors: Carly Alexander
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be raking in the cash. And I’m in love with the costume I get to wear.”
    “You are kidding. Does it come with fanny padding?”
    “Nope. I get to be my hottie self. And it’s styled like an Oscar. I’m telling you, Sarah Jessica Parker would wear this dress at a Christmas party.”
    Bonnie put the slab of cheddar on the cutting board, her eyes narrowed. “I gotta see that. I’ll have to stop by sometime.”
    “We open Thursday,” I said brightly, carried away with my own enthusiasm. “The store’s grand opening will be this weekend, but we’re going to be ready to have kids visit Santa by Thursday at noon.”
    “Christmas already? It’s barely November.” She flaked the cheese into a bowl. “Remember the days when no one used to put up decorations until after Thanksgiving?”
    “Those rules are out the window.” I peered over the kitchen island to the wide windows at the front of Bonnie’s house. “You know, you should put up some lights this year. Maybe simple white lights in the front windows? It’ll give you a lift.”
    “Jonah wouldn’t approve. He’s always felt that Christmas lights are white-trash tacky,” she said, and I glared at her. “But then, he isn’t living here at the moment, is he?”
    “Hey, how about red?” I suggested. “A few strings of those chili pepper lights?”
    “I love those!” The doorbell rang and she wiped her hands on a towel and ran down to open the door.
    Lanessa appeared, bearing a small cheesecake. “Pure evil,” she said, hoisting it onto the counter with a smile.
    Five minutes later Kate arrived, and we all grabbed drinks and made a mess of Bonnie’s cooking island, tossing cheese and chopped veggies onto our toasted shells. As we took seats at the bar we laughed over the varied taco approaches. Kate was the most aggressive. With her hair tucked back in a French braid she was free to dive in and let the stuffing fall where it may, even if that meant bouncing off her sweatsuit. Lanessa carefully tucked a napkin over her silk suit, an unusual ginger color that complemented her dark skin.
    I felt oddly aware of my own nervousness but also happy to be here with my friends, laughing and joking, back to the best parts of my life in Baltimore. I had fallen hard for the excitement and fast pace of New York, but this was something I’d missed, hanging with my real friends, the easy good time.
    I was on my second taco when Bonnie clapped her hands. “Let’s step it up, girls. Show starts in two minutes. We’ll do dessert afterward.”
    With a groan I sank onto Bonnie’s sectional sofa and buried my face in my hands. “I can’t watch!”
    “Oh, go on!” Lanessa smoothed her skirt over her knees. “You’ve got to be excited. Bobby’s making you a star, honey.”
    “I’d rather have a root canal,” I said as the camera opened on a freckle-faced actress with exotic red hair.
    “She’s beautiful!” Kate slapped my knee. “You’re gorgeous. At least Bobby did something right.”
    “It’s not me,” I insisted.
    The premise of the show was fairly simple: Olivia, a ballet dancer who has found her fame in New York City, now returns to Baltimore to direct the city’s dance company. But during her run in New York she developed champagne-and-caviar tastes, and now nothing in Baltimore meets with her approval.
    “Get those little monsters out of my studio!” she shrieks, chasing after local schoolchildren clad in pink tutus with a stick. “I work with professionals!
    “I asked for New York bagels! I want them FedExed!” she protests, slamming a bagel onto her assistant’s desk.
    “Who called for the yellow cab? I ride in limos. Black. I do not ride in yellow cars!”
    There was a romantic subplot in which TV Olivia abused her boyfriend until he broke off their relationship. “You leave me no choice,” the actor said dramatically, pulling his hand out of hers.
    “Oh, please! That’s so simplistic. I’m surprised Bobby didn’t play the role

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