entered.
Kelsey was in intensive care. We were led by
a nurse in scrubs to sit in a visitors' lounge while doctors were
trying to reduce her fever. The lounge was empty; no one from the
tour was there waiting.
I sat down next to Jake on a coffee-stained
couch and noticed for the first time all day that I was pretty
beat. As tired as I was, taking a nap was out of the question. I
couldn't help but be terrified. Why were so many bad things
happening to me in such a short amount of time?
"Are you all right?" Jake asked.
I was hunched over with my head in my hands,
trying not to cry. The comfort of my own home and own bed back in
Los Angeles was so far in the distant past that I felt overwhelmed.
I knew that if I answered him a sob would leap out of my mouth, so
instead I just shook my head.
Jake inched closer to me and put an arm
around my shoulder. That small gesture was all it took to yank a
few tears out of my eyes. I buried my head against his chest and
sobbed silently, hoping he wasn't noticing that I was crying. For
the first time since I had boarded Pound's private jet I was
legitimately homesick. The sterile smell of the waiting room, the
bright lights of the urgent care ward… it was all too familiar.
An hour after we arrived, almost all of which
Jake and I passed in silence, Jill, Tanya, and Kelsey's nanny
emerged from the off-limits area. They all looked exhausted, and
Jill's eyes were swollen from crying.
Jill swooped down on me with a crushing hug,
practically tearing me out of Jake's embrace. "Oh my god, Taylor,
I'm so glad you're here," she said, and then wiped tears from her
eyes.
"I'm sorry," I began, getting choked up. I
felt personally responsible that my father wasn't there to support
her. I was a little surprised that she was glad to see me at all.
"I tried to get my dad to come but we were too late."
"It's OK," Jill assured me. "Moose just
called. The show is on intermission and he'll be on his way in an
hour."
"How is Kelsey?"
My sister's fever had dropped down to 103 and
her doctors were confident that she would remain stable through the
night. Tanya drifted down to the cafeteria to fetch tea for Jill,
and Cleo the nanny began giving Jill a vigorous backrub.
Dad, Wade, and Keith burst through the doors
to the lounge nearly two hours later. Dad had tears in his eyes and
a look of concern on his face. Jill leapt into his arms and began
weeping and he rocked her back and forth.
"How's my girl?" he asked, and Jill relayed
to him Kelsey's status.
I watched, basically unacknowledged, both in
awe and disgust. This was the same guy who not even three hours
earlier was heavily flirting with a desperate middle-aged slut
backstage, and performed a full concert with carefree energy. It
was becoming increasingly evident that my dad was a skilled actor,
a chameleon, capable of switching his emotions on and off,
performing to meet the needs of his audience at a moment's
notice.
And then it hit me why this aspect of his
personality offended me so much: in this way he was exactly like my
mother.
My mom could be depressed for days, desperate
for her royalty check to come in the mail, grumpy and snapping at
me for the slightest thing, and then if a fabulous friend were to
drop by for a visit, she'd whip out her million-dollar smile and
suddenly be on top of the world.
Or she'd have a new boyfriend in her life and
be giggly and girlish for days on end, acting dopey and whimsical,
but if her business manager would call regarding a voice-over
audition, the childish act would vanish in a snap and she would
suddenly become a shrewd businesswoman.
While this discovery about my dad's
personality was really disappointing, it also gave me leverage. Now
I knew that the caring super-parent he pretended to be in my
presence was also an act, one of many. For whatever it was worth, I
was onto him.
Finally my dad took notice of me and Jake
sitting on the couch, and he nodded at Jake.
"Can you get Taylor back to the
Kelsey was in intensive care. We were led by
a nurse in scrubs to sit in a visitors' lounge while doctors were
trying to reduce her fever. The lounge was empty; no one from the
tour was there waiting.
I sat down next to Jake on a coffee-stained
couch and noticed for the first time all day that I was pretty
beat. As tired as I was, taking a nap was out of the question. I
couldn't help but be terrified. Why were so many bad things
happening to me in such a short amount of time?
"Are you all right?" Jake asked.
I was hunched over with my head in my hands,
trying not to cry. The comfort of my own home and own bed back in
Los Angeles was so far in the distant past that I felt overwhelmed.
I knew that if I answered him a sob would leap out of my mouth, so
instead I just shook my head.
Jake inched closer to me and put an arm
around my shoulder. That small gesture was all it took to yank a
few tears out of my eyes. I buried my head against his chest and
sobbed silently, hoping he wasn't noticing that I was crying. For
the first time since I had boarded Pound's private jet I was
legitimately homesick. The sterile smell of the waiting room, the
bright lights of the urgent care ward… it was all too familiar.
An hour after we arrived, almost all of which
Jake and I passed in silence, Jill, Tanya, and Kelsey's nanny
emerged from the off-limits area. They all looked exhausted, and
Jill's eyes were swollen from crying.
Jill swooped down on me with a crushing hug,
practically tearing me out of Jake's embrace. "Oh my god, Taylor,
I'm so glad you're here," she said, and then wiped tears from her
eyes.
"I'm sorry," I began, getting choked up. I
felt personally responsible that my father wasn't there to support
her. I was a little surprised that she was glad to see me at all.
"I tried to get my dad to come but we were too late."
"It's OK," Jill assured me. "Moose just
called. The show is on intermission and he'll be on his way in an
hour."
"How is Kelsey?"
My sister's fever had dropped down to 103 and
her doctors were confident that she would remain stable through the
night. Tanya drifted down to the cafeteria to fetch tea for Jill,
and Cleo the nanny began giving Jill a vigorous backrub.
Dad, Wade, and Keith burst through the doors
to the lounge nearly two hours later. Dad had tears in his eyes and
a look of concern on his face. Jill leapt into his arms and began
weeping and he rocked her back and forth.
"How's my girl?" he asked, and Jill relayed
to him Kelsey's status.
I watched, basically unacknowledged, both in
awe and disgust. This was the same guy who not even three hours
earlier was heavily flirting with a desperate middle-aged slut
backstage, and performed a full concert with carefree energy. It
was becoming increasingly evident that my dad was a skilled actor,
a chameleon, capable of switching his emotions on and off,
performing to meet the needs of his audience at a moment's
notice.
And then it hit me why this aspect of his
personality offended me so much: in this way he was exactly like my
mother.
My mom could be depressed for days, desperate
for her royalty check to come in the mail, grumpy and snapping at
me for the slightest thing, and then if a fabulous friend were to
drop by for a visit, she'd whip out her million-dollar smile and
suddenly be on top of the world.
Or she'd have a new boyfriend in her life and
be giggly and girlish for days on end, acting dopey and whimsical,
but if her business manager would call regarding a voice-over
audition, the childish act would vanish in a snap and she would
suddenly become a shrewd businesswoman.
While this discovery about my dad's
personality was really disappointing, it also gave me leverage. Now
I knew that the caring super-parent he pretended to be in my
presence was also an act, one of many. For whatever it was worth, I
was onto him.
Finally my dad took notice of me and Jake
sitting on the couch, and he nodded at Jake.
"Can you get Taylor back to the
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