The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know by Mantak Chia, Maneewan Chia, Douglas Abrams, Rachel Carlton Abrams
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over the grunt-and-roll-over phenomenon, having a partner who is obsessed with your hav-ing multiple orgasms will not help you to do so. You must be in a playful and relaxed mood to have a second orgasm, which is difficult when the goal of multiple orgasms becomes all-important.
The pressure of having to have multiple orgasms to please him can prevent you from having multiple orgasms that please you. Remind him that your body is your body and your level of pleasure is not a reflection of his skill as a lover, your attraction to him, or your affection for him. Explain that, unlike chocolate and flowers, an orgasm cannot be given to you. You need to allow yourself to have an orgasm. Or to put it into guy language, you need to be the quarterback, and you need to call the plays .
From your experiences in self-touching and finding your sensitive spots, you should now have a good idea of how you like to be touched and stimulated. It is vital that you be able to communicate this to your partner during lovemaking. Most partners appreciate feedback about how they’re doing. Remember that it can be frustrating for your partner to try to please you if he does not hear what you like or dislike.
Giving good feedback is a loving art. The bedroom is a vulnerable place, where we are naked both physically and emotionally. Be careful to focus on
telling your partner what you like and what you want rather than on what you don’t like.
For example, it is not usually as successful to say, “Stop that!” or “That hurts!” or “You’re not doing it right!” The result is usually withdrawal and hurt feelings. If your partner is trying to please you, it is important not to be judgmental of his attempts. Criticism will dampen your partner’s sexual desire as well as his or her desire to please you. If you don’t like what your partner is doing, it is much more effective to say, “Try it a little more over here,” or “A little lighter pressure. Yeah, that’s good.” As in any learning process, lots of positive feedback is always helpful.
If it is difficult to talk to your partner during lovemaking, or if it breaks your concentration on your pleasure, use nonverbal sounds and talk about it later. But don’t forget to talk about it. As embarrassing as it might seem at first, it is essential to the strengthening of your sexual relationship (not to mention your relationship in general).
Whether or not you feel comfortable telling your partner what you want, don’t forget the power of nonverbal sounds to direct your partner to the places and ways you’d like to be touched. Be generous with your moans, ooohs, and aaahhhs. Not only do they encourage the kind of touch you want; they turn your partner on, too. Most men consider their partner’s satisfied sounds to be the greatest aphrodisiac.
Try out each of the nine steps alone or with a partner, then adapt them to suit your own rhythm and sexual tastes. The following exercise distills the nine steps into a helpful sequence for easy reference. All women have different preferences. You should explore any combination of the nine steps that works for you.
Finally, do not worry if you do not have multiple orgasms on the first try. Try to see your attempts to reach multiple orgasms as a playful, exploratory process that gives you great sensual rewards all along the way. Taoist sexuality is about increasing your pleasure and sexual energy and about harmonizing with your partner, which you do when you experience pleasure, whether or not you have an orgasm. While orgasms are wonderful, they are just peaks within a mountain range of pleasure.
Giving good feedback is a loving art. The bedroom is a vulnerable place, where we are naked both physically and emotionally.
Most men consider their partner ’ s satis fi ed sounds to be the greatest aphrodisiac.
Exer cise 12
BECOMING A MULTI-ORGASMIC WOMAN
YOU MUST BELIEVE: You can have multiple orgasms. Choose a date and time for your
The pressure of having to have multiple orgasms to please him can prevent you from having multiple orgasms that please you. Remind him that your body is your body and your level of pleasure is not a reflection of his skill as a lover, your attraction to him, or your affection for him. Explain that, unlike chocolate and flowers, an orgasm cannot be given to you. You need to allow yourself to have an orgasm. Or to put it into guy language, you need to be the quarterback, and you need to call the plays .
From your experiences in self-touching and finding your sensitive spots, you should now have a good idea of how you like to be touched and stimulated. It is vital that you be able to communicate this to your partner during lovemaking. Most partners appreciate feedback about how they’re doing. Remember that it can be frustrating for your partner to try to please you if he does not hear what you like or dislike.
Giving good feedback is a loving art. The bedroom is a vulnerable place, where we are naked both physically and emotionally. Be careful to focus on
telling your partner what you like and what you want rather than on what you don’t like.
For example, it is not usually as successful to say, “Stop that!” or “That hurts!” or “You’re not doing it right!” The result is usually withdrawal and hurt feelings. If your partner is trying to please you, it is important not to be judgmental of his attempts. Criticism will dampen your partner’s sexual desire as well as his or her desire to please you. If you don’t like what your partner is doing, it is much more effective to say, “Try it a little more over here,” or “A little lighter pressure. Yeah, that’s good.” As in any learning process, lots of positive feedback is always helpful.
If it is difficult to talk to your partner during lovemaking, or if it breaks your concentration on your pleasure, use nonverbal sounds and talk about it later. But don’t forget to talk about it. As embarrassing as it might seem at first, it is essential to the strengthening of your sexual relationship (not to mention your relationship in general).
Whether or not you feel comfortable telling your partner what you want, don’t forget the power of nonverbal sounds to direct your partner to the places and ways you’d like to be touched. Be generous with your moans, ooohs, and aaahhhs. Not only do they encourage the kind of touch you want; they turn your partner on, too. Most men consider their partner’s satisfied sounds to be the greatest aphrodisiac.
Try out each of the nine steps alone or with a partner, then adapt them to suit your own rhythm and sexual tastes. The following exercise distills the nine steps into a helpful sequence for easy reference. All women have different preferences. You should explore any combination of the nine steps that works for you.
Finally, do not worry if you do not have multiple orgasms on the first try. Try to see your attempts to reach multiple orgasms as a playful, exploratory process that gives you great sensual rewards all along the way. Taoist sexuality is about increasing your pleasure and sexual energy and about harmonizing with your partner, which you do when you experience pleasure, whether or not you have an orgasm. While orgasms are wonderful, they are just peaks within a mountain range of pleasure.
Giving good feedback is a loving art. The bedroom is a vulnerable place, where we are naked both physically and emotionally.
Most men consider their partner ’ s satis fi ed sounds to be the greatest aphrodisiac.
Exer cise 12
BECOMING A MULTI-ORGASMIC WOMAN
YOU MUST BELIEVE: You can have multiple orgasms. Choose a date and time for your
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