station. No one seemed to recognize me. I asked for Detective Thurston at the front desk. She appeared after a few minutes and did a double take when she saw me. It was my dashing good looks, no doubt.
“You!” she said.
“I have a present for you,” I said.
She seemed startled to find the thugs trussed up on the sidewalk.
“For you,” I said. “Merry Christmas.”
She pulled out her gun. “Don’t think I don’t appreciate it, but you’re still under arrest.”
“I do find you arresting,” I said, smiling in a suave manner. “Very arresting.”
She snorted a bit at that. Rather unladylike, but attractive, nonetheless. Her cheeks got a little red. “Get your hands up, buster.”
Jerzy hopped out of the Camaro at that moment and held the door open for me.
“Your car awaits you, Mr. Santa, sir,” he said, bowing low.
“Thank you, but I—”
“Get in before I shoot you with the Prototype. Hey, lady. He really is Santa Claus. Get over your narrow-minded worldview.”
“You’re both under arrest,” she said automatically, her eyes a little wide.
Snix gunned the Camaro and did a slow vertical takeoff. The last view I had of Detective Thurston was of her staring up at us, her mouth open.
“You could’ve waited a few more minutes,” I grumbled. “I was about to get her phone number.”
“You were about to get cuffed, is what you were. Very arresting! I can’t believe you said that. Very nauseating, more like.”
At any rate, despite the difficulty of elves, spending time in the slammer, and the fact that there’s tiramisu smeared all over my sled, it was a good Christmas. A good Christmas indeed. Herk and Jerzy returned to Hawaii, and Snix finally made it to Tahiti. It’s nice to be back home at the Pole, but it’s a bit quiet with all the elves gone. I think I might just pack up some presents and take the sled out for a jaunt to Manhattan. There’s a certain detective who deserves a nicer Christmas gift than a couple of tied-up Mafia thugs.
PLANNING PROBLEMS
From the journal of Martin Jones, Planner, BSc.
Feb 12. First day at work. Only Planning Department in the country that would hire me with this mail-order degree. Hope I didn’t waste my 50 dollars. Still, girl napping in next cubicle very cute.
Feb 13. Interview with Mr. Stanley, Head of Department. Seems nice. Not sure what he looks like, though, as he was hiding under desk whole interview. Tomorrow have scheduled first case. A Mr. Wolf. Feels good to be a public servant. I’m ready to meet the public and help them through their problems.
Feb 14. Productive meeting with Mr. Wolf. Very hairy man. Requesting demolition permit for vagrant structure built on his property. Wanted me to also arrest vagrant, a Mr. Piglet. Told him Planning Department does not arrest people. Referred him to Sheriff’s office.
Feb 15. My first code enforcement case. How exciting! Eleven people living on Bide Awee Lane have signed complaint letter against Mr. Jack, a local farmer. Letter says he is violating their view. I will visit him tomorrow. Had question for Mr. Stanley about mileage reimbursement. Not sure why he’s still hiding under his desk.
Feb 16. Drove out Mr. Jack’s farm. Nature of complaint is self-evident. He has planted enormous beanstalk growing several stories tall. Must be some experimental hybrid. Quite an eyesore. Is very proud of the thing and claims it comes from a magic bean. I suppose he is one of those hippies. They are forever talking about things like magic mushrooms, etc. Seems like harmless fellow, though. I shall research agricultural zoning issues. He might have to cut it down or pay fine.
Feb 19. Interesting case today. A Mr. Billy Gruff requesting access easement over a footbridge. Said bridge is on private property owned by a Mr. Troll. However, Gruff family has been crossing bridge for decades. Is there legal precedent similar to squatter’s rights that establishes access rights? Shall have to
“You!” she said.
“I have a present for you,” I said.
She seemed startled to find the thugs trussed up on the sidewalk.
“For you,” I said. “Merry Christmas.”
She pulled out her gun. “Don’t think I don’t appreciate it, but you’re still under arrest.”
“I do find you arresting,” I said, smiling in a suave manner. “Very arresting.”
She snorted a bit at that. Rather unladylike, but attractive, nonetheless. Her cheeks got a little red. “Get your hands up, buster.”
Jerzy hopped out of the Camaro at that moment and held the door open for me.
“Your car awaits you, Mr. Santa, sir,” he said, bowing low.
“Thank you, but I—”
“Get in before I shoot you with the Prototype. Hey, lady. He really is Santa Claus. Get over your narrow-minded worldview.”
“You’re both under arrest,” she said automatically, her eyes a little wide.
Snix gunned the Camaro and did a slow vertical takeoff. The last view I had of Detective Thurston was of her staring up at us, her mouth open.
“You could’ve waited a few more minutes,” I grumbled. “I was about to get her phone number.”
“You were about to get cuffed, is what you were. Very arresting! I can’t believe you said that. Very nauseating, more like.”
At any rate, despite the difficulty of elves, spending time in the slammer, and the fact that there’s tiramisu smeared all over my sled, it was a good Christmas. A good Christmas indeed. Herk and Jerzy returned to Hawaii, and Snix finally made it to Tahiti. It’s nice to be back home at the Pole, but it’s a bit quiet with all the elves gone. I think I might just pack up some presents and take the sled out for a jaunt to Manhattan. There’s a certain detective who deserves a nicer Christmas gift than a couple of tied-up Mafia thugs.
PLANNING PROBLEMS
From the journal of Martin Jones, Planner, BSc.
Feb 12. First day at work. Only Planning Department in the country that would hire me with this mail-order degree. Hope I didn’t waste my 50 dollars. Still, girl napping in next cubicle very cute.
Feb 13. Interview with Mr. Stanley, Head of Department. Seems nice. Not sure what he looks like, though, as he was hiding under desk whole interview. Tomorrow have scheduled first case. A Mr. Wolf. Feels good to be a public servant. I’m ready to meet the public and help them through their problems.
Feb 14. Productive meeting with Mr. Wolf. Very hairy man. Requesting demolition permit for vagrant structure built on his property. Wanted me to also arrest vagrant, a Mr. Piglet. Told him Planning Department does not arrest people. Referred him to Sheriff’s office.
Feb 15. My first code enforcement case. How exciting! Eleven people living on Bide Awee Lane have signed complaint letter against Mr. Jack, a local farmer. Letter says he is violating their view. I will visit him tomorrow. Had question for Mr. Stanley about mileage reimbursement. Not sure why he’s still hiding under his desk.
Feb 16. Drove out Mr. Jack’s farm. Nature of complaint is self-evident. He has planted enormous beanstalk growing several stories tall. Must be some experimental hybrid. Quite an eyesore. Is very proud of the thing and claims it comes from a magic bean. I suppose he is one of those hippies. They are forever talking about things like magic mushrooms, etc. Seems like harmless fellow, though. I shall research agricultural zoning issues. He might have to cut it down or pay fine.
Feb 19. Interesting case today. A Mr. Billy Gruff requesting access easement over a footbridge. Said bridge is on private property owned by a Mr. Troll. However, Gruff family has been crossing bridge for decades. Is there legal precedent similar to squatter’s rights that establishes access rights? Shall have to
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