The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes by E. Henry Thripshaw Page A

window.
    No response. He raps on the window again. No response, so he raps some more. The window lowers a couple of inches and the Mini driver says, “Yes?”
    “Remember me?” says the Roller driver. “I just wanted you to know that I have a twin bed in the back seat of my Roller now.”
    The Mini driver frowns and says: “You get me out of the fucking shower just to tell me that?”
    Why do men pay more for car insurance?
    Because women don’t get blow jobs while they’re driving.
    It was our wedding anniversary and my wife demanded I take her somewhere expensive. So I took her to a gas station.
     
    A little boy is walking down the street after school when a car slows down and pulls up alongside him. The window goes down and a man from inside says, “Hey do you want to get in the car with me?”
    The little boy looks at him then quickens his step. A couple of minutes later, further down the road, the car pulls up again. The window goes down: “I’ll give you a bag of sweets if you get in the car with me.”
    The little boy ignores him again and hurries on. A couple of hundred yards down the road, the car pulls up and the window goes down again. The man says, “I’ll give you £10 and two bags of sweets if you get in the car with me.”
    The little boy stops. He looks at the man and says, “Dad, you bought the Rover, live with it!”
    What’s the difference between a Jehovah’s Witness and a Rover?
    You can shut the door on a Jehovah’s Witness.
    Two old women were driving through town. They came to a set of traffic lights on red, but they just sailed through without stopping. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself: “I could have sworn we just went through a red light!”
    After a couple more minutes they came to another set of traffic lights on red and sailed through. Again, the old woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red and was getting nervous but said nothing.
    At the next set of lights, sure enough, the light was red and they sailed through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, “Ethel, do you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!”
    Ethel turned to her and said, “Shit . . . am I driving?”
    Petrol is so expensive these days, I can’t afford to use my car. In fact, the last time I went dogging, I had to ask my mum to give me a lift.
    An elderly man is driving down the M1 when his mobile rings. Answering it, he hears his wife on the other end. “Derek,” she says, “please be careful when you’re driving back. I just heard on the radio that there’s a maniac on the M1 near Luton. He’s driving the wrong way!”
    “It’s not just one,” Derek replies. “There’s fucking hundreds of them!”

CATS
     
    A sadist, a masochist, a psychopath, a necrophiliac, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.
    “How about having sex with a cat?” says the zoophile.
    “Let’s have sex with the cat and then torture it,” says the sadist.
    “Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it,” shouts the psychopath.
    “Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again,” says the necrophiliac.
    “Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it,” says the pyromaniac.
    Everyone turns to the masochist and asked: “So, what’s it going to be?”
    The masochist replies, “Miaow.”
    When I was a small child my kitten died, so my mum went out and bought an identical replacement, hoping that I wouldn’t realize. But I did. And I killed that one as well.
    Curiosity killed the cat, but I was curious to see what it would look like if I hit it with a hammer.
“ Cats have nine lives, which of course makes them perfect for animal experimentation. But I was wondering, does a radioactive cat have eighteen half-lives? ”
    A man hates his wife’s cat so much that the next time she