You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-Help Book for Adults With Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly, Peggy Ramundo
Authors: Kate Kelly, Peggy Ramundo
Tags: General, Psychology, Self-Help, Personal Growth, Health & Fitness, Diseases, Nervous System (Incl. Brain), Mental Health
Ads: Link
and anyone else who will listen. He has a good sense of humor about things in general and himself in particular. At his legendary high school graduation (his friends were amazed he ever managed to graduate), he joined in the laughter as his buddies carried him down the aisle on their shoulders.
Peopleenjoy being around Jim because he’s likable and easygoing. Nothing seems to bother him, even when bosses and coworkers ask him to work unpopular or extra hours. They know he won’t complain.
Jim makes excuses for the people who do him wrong or maintains that the things they do don’t bother him. He professes to be content with his life the way it is. Secretly he feels bad that he didn’t go to collegeas his brothers and sisters did. He isn’t at peace with himself and has many physical symptoms to prove it: tension headaches, high blood pressure and an ulcer that regularly flares up.
Jim feels he’s a failure and masks his feelings of inadequacy with his Who Cares persona. His wide circle of friends and broadknowledge base don’t make up for his academic shortcomings. The defense mechanismhe uses to protect himself is similar to Susan’s. Borrowing from the fox-in-the-sour-grapes fable, both pretend that things out of reach aren’t worthwhile, anyway. Susan’s arrogance and Jim’s indifference are shields of armor to prevent anyone from seeing their disabilities.
Jane presents a slightly different version of the Who Cares defense. Jane, a forty-two-year-old mother of two, is intelligentand creative and has impressive artistic talents. Despite her gifts, Jane’s ADD made school a monumental struggle. It took twice the customary time for her to complete college. Before choosing to stay home with her children, she had always held jobs well below her educational level.
Jane is outspoken about the excessive competition and materialism in today’s society. She is proud of her skillat budgeting money and has learned to live without the many consumer goods others consider necessities. She doesn’t own a VCR or clothes dryer.
Jane’s wise use of resources enables her to devote time to her family and have enough left over to pursue her own interests. Her choice of saying “No” to the rat race to live by her own values is admirable. The problem is, Jane isn’t entirely comfortablewith her decision. She “doth protest too much” when she scoffs at academic and career achievement. There is a distinctively angry, defensive edge to her voice when she rationalizes her life choices. She spends much time explaining herself.
Jim’s indifference is passive and Jane’s is assertive, but both are carefully designed masks. Jane doesn’t feel successful. She uses so much energy on defensethat she can’t accept herself or honestly evaluate her choices. Perhaps beneath the bristly Who Cares defense is a real desire to accomplish some of the things she rejects. Perhaps the choices she has made are right for her. Regrettably, she works so hard at protecting her fragile sense of self that she has little energy left for living the life she has chosen.
Jim, on the other hand, can’t realisticallyassess himself because he works so hard at pretending nothing bothers him. His “what, me worry?” attitude masks real feelings that probably include anger. He is angry at himself for his shortcomings and at the people who take advantage of him. His armor protects him but also prevents him from grappling with ambitions he’s never been able to admit. If he’s ever able to let his guard down,he’ll need to confront his anger. If he can learn to deal with his feelings up front, he may even find that his physical health improves.
Manipulation
Todd is forty-seven years old and is restless, attractive and charming. He frequently changes relationships, living arrangements and jobs. He uses his disarming, boyish manner as a powerful lure to hook others into willingly taking care of him.He never pulls his weight at work, relying instead
Peopleenjoy being around Jim because he’s likable and easygoing. Nothing seems to bother him, even when bosses and coworkers ask him to work unpopular or extra hours. They know he won’t complain.
Jim makes excuses for the people who do him wrong or maintains that the things they do don’t bother him. He professes to be content with his life the way it is. Secretly he feels bad that he didn’t go to collegeas his brothers and sisters did. He isn’t at peace with himself and has many physical symptoms to prove it: tension headaches, high blood pressure and an ulcer that regularly flares up.
Jim feels he’s a failure and masks his feelings of inadequacy with his Who Cares persona. His wide circle of friends and broadknowledge base don’t make up for his academic shortcomings. The defense mechanismhe uses to protect himself is similar to Susan’s. Borrowing from the fox-in-the-sour-grapes fable, both pretend that things out of reach aren’t worthwhile, anyway. Susan’s arrogance and Jim’s indifference are shields of armor to prevent anyone from seeing their disabilities.
Jane presents a slightly different version of the Who Cares defense. Jane, a forty-two-year-old mother of two, is intelligentand creative and has impressive artistic talents. Despite her gifts, Jane’s ADD made school a monumental struggle. It took twice the customary time for her to complete college. Before choosing to stay home with her children, she had always held jobs well below her educational level.
Jane is outspoken about the excessive competition and materialism in today’s society. She is proud of her skillat budgeting money and has learned to live without the many consumer goods others consider necessities. She doesn’t own a VCR or clothes dryer.
Jane’s wise use of resources enables her to devote time to her family and have enough left over to pursue her own interests. Her choice of saying “No” to the rat race to live by her own values is admirable. The problem is, Jane isn’t entirely comfortablewith her decision. She “doth protest too much” when she scoffs at academic and career achievement. There is a distinctively angry, defensive edge to her voice when she rationalizes her life choices. She spends much time explaining herself.
Jim’s indifference is passive and Jane’s is assertive, but both are carefully designed masks. Jane doesn’t feel successful. She uses so much energy on defensethat she can’t accept herself or honestly evaluate her choices. Perhaps beneath the bristly Who Cares defense is a real desire to accomplish some of the things she rejects. Perhaps the choices she has made are right for her. Regrettably, she works so hard at protecting her fragile sense of self that she has little energy left for living the life she has chosen.
Jim, on the other hand, can’t realisticallyassess himself because he works so hard at pretending nothing bothers him. His “what, me worry?” attitude masks real feelings that probably include anger. He is angry at himself for his shortcomings and at the people who take advantage of him. His armor protects him but also prevents him from grappling with ambitions he’s never been able to admit. If he’s ever able to let his guard down,he’ll need to confront his anger. If he can learn to deal with his feelings up front, he may even find that his physical health improves.
Manipulation
Todd is forty-seven years old and is restless, attractive and charming. He frequently changes relationships, living arrangements and jobs. He uses his disarming, boyish manner as a powerful lure to hook others into willingly taking care of him.He never pulls his weight at work, relying instead
Similar Books
