You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-Help Book for Adults With Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly, Peggy Ramundo Page A
Authors: Kate Kelly, Peggy Ramundo
Tags: General, Psychology, Self-Help, Personal Growth, Health & Fitness, Diseases, Nervous System (Incl. Brain), Mental Health
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on his mastery of manipulation to get others to do the work for him.
Faced with a tedious or difficult task, Todd flatters and cajoles others into bailing him out. Sometimes he acts helpless, getting coworkers to do his job under the guise of teaching him. He says something like, “I never was any good at that. I really admire people who can doit.” Sometimes he tells a tale of woe about his boss piling work on him or about emergencies in his life. His manipulative behavior usually works and someone steps in to bail him out. As soon as he feels restless or coworkers get on to him, he simply changes jobs.
Todd usually makes decent money but regularly ends up flat broke because he’s careless and impulsive with his spending. To deal withhis financial difficulties, he relies on the women in his life to support him. His women do more than simply contribute to his financial support. They are also charged with keeping him out of trouble. They keep track of his checkbook and his household and social responsibilities. Todd manipulates them by using guilt, charm, sex appeal—whatever maneuver will work in a given situation.
Often hemanipulates his current woman into keeping him together enough to hold down his job. She gets him up in the morning, monitors his performance and smooths things over with the boss when Todd messes up. More often than not, he ends the relationship when he feels too constrained by the “mothering.” His behavior sounds a lot like an alcoholic’s but he doesn’t drink. He has just learned to manipulatelike someone who does.
Todd might seem like a ruthless, unfeeling user who will stop at nothing to ensure that his needs are met. He isn’t pure villain, however. He’s an ADD adult who has learned to use manipulation as a cover for his underlying problems.
He lives in a constant state of emergency, running scared all the time. He knows he regularly makes mistakes but feels helpless to preventthem. So he survives by using other people to cover for him. It’s the only way he knows to survive, although he’s aware that it’s unacceptable for a grown man to be cared for this way.
Todd simply hasn’t figured out an alternative method for satisfying his needs. His manipulations are neither conscious nor premeditated. He doesn’t connect his actions with their impact on others. His impulsivityand lack of attention to detail make him unaware of much of his behavior and its consequences.
Webster defines manipulating as “controlling or playing on others using unfair means.” It may be a dirty word but everyone uses manipulation on occasion. Although we may not like being manipulated as puppets on a string, occasionally we may need to use this defense as a matter of survival.
ADD adultsin particular can become masters of the art of manipulation. It’s a tough, competitive world out there with dire consequences for those who sink to the bottom of the heap. Many of the newly homeless are hardworking folk who slid over the line into poverty following a setback such as unemployment or illness. If someone starts out in life with a physical handicap,learning disability or ADD, thestakes are higher and riskier. There is a great temptation to use any available means to improve one’s odds of survival.
This isn’t to say that the majority of people with disabilities become manipulative. Most are rather heroic in their striving to achieve. They generally cope by learning to work harder than nondisabled people. ADD adults, however, have additional risk factors that increasethe odds of their becoming masters of manipulation.
Withdrawal
Barb is both unattached and detached. Twenty-five years old, she lives with her parents and works as a file clerk. She has rarely dated, has no close friends and spends most of her free time watching TV. Occasionally she goes out to dinner with a coworker, but that’s the extent of her social life. She spends her vacations taggingalong with her parents. Although Barb has
Faced with a tedious or difficult task, Todd flatters and cajoles others into bailing him out. Sometimes he acts helpless, getting coworkers to do his job under the guise of teaching him. He says something like, “I never was any good at that. I really admire people who can doit.” Sometimes he tells a tale of woe about his boss piling work on him or about emergencies in his life. His manipulative behavior usually works and someone steps in to bail him out. As soon as he feels restless or coworkers get on to him, he simply changes jobs.
Todd usually makes decent money but regularly ends up flat broke because he’s careless and impulsive with his spending. To deal withhis financial difficulties, he relies on the women in his life to support him. His women do more than simply contribute to his financial support. They are also charged with keeping him out of trouble. They keep track of his checkbook and his household and social responsibilities. Todd manipulates them by using guilt, charm, sex appeal—whatever maneuver will work in a given situation.
Often hemanipulates his current woman into keeping him together enough to hold down his job. She gets him up in the morning, monitors his performance and smooths things over with the boss when Todd messes up. More often than not, he ends the relationship when he feels too constrained by the “mothering.” His behavior sounds a lot like an alcoholic’s but he doesn’t drink. He has just learned to manipulatelike someone who does.
Todd might seem like a ruthless, unfeeling user who will stop at nothing to ensure that his needs are met. He isn’t pure villain, however. He’s an ADD adult who has learned to use manipulation as a cover for his underlying problems.
He lives in a constant state of emergency, running scared all the time. He knows he regularly makes mistakes but feels helpless to preventthem. So he survives by using other people to cover for him. It’s the only way he knows to survive, although he’s aware that it’s unacceptable for a grown man to be cared for this way.
Todd simply hasn’t figured out an alternative method for satisfying his needs. His manipulations are neither conscious nor premeditated. He doesn’t connect his actions with their impact on others. His impulsivityand lack of attention to detail make him unaware of much of his behavior and its consequences.
Webster defines manipulating as “controlling or playing on others using unfair means.” It may be a dirty word but everyone uses manipulation on occasion. Although we may not like being manipulated as puppets on a string, occasionally we may need to use this defense as a matter of survival.
ADD adultsin particular can become masters of the art of manipulation. It’s a tough, competitive world out there with dire consequences for those who sink to the bottom of the heap. Many of the newly homeless are hardworking folk who slid over the line into poverty following a setback such as unemployment or illness. If someone starts out in life with a physical handicap,learning disability or ADD, thestakes are higher and riskier. There is a great temptation to use any available means to improve one’s odds of survival.
This isn’t to say that the majority of people with disabilities become manipulative. Most are rather heroic in their striving to achieve. They generally cope by learning to work harder than nondisabled people. ADD adults, however, have additional risk factors that increasethe odds of their becoming masters of manipulation.
Withdrawal
Barb is both unattached and detached. Twenty-five years old, she lives with her parents and works as a file clerk. She has rarely dated, has no close friends and spends most of her free time watching TV. Occasionally she goes out to dinner with a coworker, but that’s the extent of her social life. She spends her vacations taggingalong with her parents. Although Barb has
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