You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-Help Book for Adults With Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly, Peggy Ramundo Page B
Authors: Kate Kelly, Peggy Ramundo
Tags: General, Psychology, Self-Help, Personal Growth, Health & Fitness, Diseases, Nervous System (Incl. Brain), Mental Health
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an above-average IQ, she is a marginal worker on the job. She makes many mistakes and has trouble keeping up with her colleagues.
Barb is different from most of the ADDers you’ve met in this chapter. She isn’t anxious about her performance and doesn’t worry about her less than glowing appraisals. After a childhood of academic and social failures, shehas decided that giving up is the safest thing she can do. She has chosen to accept mediocrity. The price she pays is a life of boredom, loneliness and depression. Barb is free from the risks she would face if she decided to live her life fully. But is it worth it?
Like that of many ADD adults, Barb’s handicap has never been identified. She is neither hyperactive nor impulsive. Everyone has alwaystold her that she is lethargic and spacey. Barb believes this characterization. She has chosen survival through withdrawal.
This defense is a cousin to the Who Cares stance but operates slightly differently. Barb has given up completely and has carefully buried her feelings and doubts. She never gives any thought to the possibility that her life could be different. Jim, on theother hand, maintainsnagging doubts about his abilities and lack of achievement. On some level, he continues to think about these issues that trouble him.
Insulated from pain by suppressing feelings of inadequacy, Barb can’t make a thoughtful decision about her life. The Barbs of this world haven’t made peace with themselves—it’s as if they’re buried alive.
Chip on the Shoulder
While Barb quietly withdraws, Paulaaggressively poises for full-scale battle every moment of her life. She’s only nineteen but has developed an especially prickly suit of armor. When her husband asks if she has taken out the trash, she reacts defensively. She offers a long-winded explanation of why she hasn’t been able to get around to the chore yet. As she becomes increasingly angry and indignant, she switches to the offensive,attacking her husband for overworking her with his demands.
Paula’s husband asked about the trash only because he was going outside and wanted to take it with him if it was still in the house. He wearily retreats from the house, wondering how his good intentions ended up in this ugly scene. Paula retreats to nurse her anger at a world that is always dissatisfied with her efforts.
Paula is aselfish shrew, making her saintly husband’s life miserable. She has a colossal chip on the shoulder, responding to innocent comments with a barrage of defensive excuses and explanations. At least this is the way she acts. But appearances aren’t always what they seem.
Paula is an ADD adult who spent much of her childhood rebuked for things she forgot to do or didn’t finish. Her psyche is raw fromall the times she worked her heart out only to be chastised for the one thing she didn’t do. Her life has been filled with false accusations of thoughtlessness and laziness that no one knew were symptoms of her subtle disability. She ruminates about the injustices in her life and the unfairness of it all.
Paula’s chip on the shoulder is a protective suit of armor designed to shore up her senseof self. She continually defends herself as a matter of reflex even when she isn’t being attacked. The intensity of her defensive stance may be out of proportion to the imagined slight, but her life experiences have taught her to expect criticism. She can never let down her defenses. She has to be ready for the next assault on her being.
Paula’s defense serves another purpose. It inoculates heragainst requests for her time or energy. With deficits that interfere with an organized lifestyle, she frantically tries to keep up with demands that are sometimes overwhelming. Her prickly shell fends off at least some of the extra demands as it makes people think twice about approaching her with questions or requests for her involvement.
There isn’t anything inherently bad about emotional self-defensein the face of
Barb is different from most of the ADDers you’ve met in this chapter. She isn’t anxious about her performance and doesn’t worry about her less than glowing appraisals. After a childhood of academic and social failures, shehas decided that giving up is the safest thing she can do. She has chosen to accept mediocrity. The price she pays is a life of boredom, loneliness and depression. Barb is free from the risks she would face if she decided to live her life fully. But is it worth it?
Like that of many ADD adults, Barb’s handicap has never been identified. She is neither hyperactive nor impulsive. Everyone has alwaystold her that she is lethargic and spacey. Barb believes this characterization. She has chosen survival through withdrawal.
This defense is a cousin to the Who Cares stance but operates slightly differently. Barb has given up completely and has carefully buried her feelings and doubts. She never gives any thought to the possibility that her life could be different. Jim, on theother hand, maintainsnagging doubts about his abilities and lack of achievement. On some level, he continues to think about these issues that trouble him.
Insulated from pain by suppressing feelings of inadequacy, Barb can’t make a thoughtful decision about her life. The Barbs of this world haven’t made peace with themselves—it’s as if they’re buried alive.
Chip on the Shoulder
While Barb quietly withdraws, Paulaaggressively poises for full-scale battle every moment of her life. She’s only nineteen but has developed an especially prickly suit of armor. When her husband asks if she has taken out the trash, she reacts defensively. She offers a long-winded explanation of why she hasn’t been able to get around to the chore yet. As she becomes increasingly angry and indignant, she switches to the offensive,attacking her husband for overworking her with his demands.
Paula’s husband asked about the trash only because he was going outside and wanted to take it with him if it was still in the house. He wearily retreats from the house, wondering how his good intentions ended up in this ugly scene. Paula retreats to nurse her anger at a world that is always dissatisfied with her efforts.
Paula is aselfish shrew, making her saintly husband’s life miserable. She has a colossal chip on the shoulder, responding to innocent comments with a barrage of defensive excuses and explanations. At least this is the way she acts. But appearances aren’t always what they seem.
Paula is an ADD adult who spent much of her childhood rebuked for things she forgot to do or didn’t finish. Her psyche is raw fromall the times she worked her heart out only to be chastised for the one thing she didn’t do. Her life has been filled with false accusations of thoughtlessness and laziness that no one knew were symptoms of her subtle disability. She ruminates about the injustices in her life and the unfairness of it all.
Paula’s chip on the shoulder is a protective suit of armor designed to shore up her senseof self. She continually defends herself as a matter of reflex even when she isn’t being attacked. The intensity of her defensive stance may be out of proportion to the imagined slight, but her life experiences have taught her to expect criticism. She can never let down her defenses. She has to be ready for the next assault on her being.
Paula’s defense serves another purpose. It inoculates heragainst requests for her time or energy. With deficits that interfere with an organized lifestyle, she frantically tries to keep up with demands that are sometimes overwhelming. Her prickly shell fends off at least some of the extra demands as it makes people think twice about approaching her with questions or requests for her involvement.
There isn’t anything inherently bad about emotional self-defensein the face of
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