The Crazy Horse Electric Game by Chris Crutcher

his morning run. He and his dad came directly home from the racquetball courts in a miserable silence and Willie went directly to bed. His dad tried to apologize once again, and Willie openly accepted it, but the gap would not be closed tonight.The echo of the hard rubber ball whapping into the wood, the sound of the racquet careening off the side wall, the ghastly uneven cadence of it all ring in Willie’s ears, making sleep impossible. At three he slides out of bed, wraps himself in his bathrobe and carefully feels his way down the stairs to the kitchen for something to eat.
    Warm milk helps sometimes, and he searches through the food cupboard for some instant chocolate to go in it; something to keep it from tasting like it just came out of the cow. As he pours the milk into the pan, he hears voices from his parents’ room and quietly moves to the kitchen door to see if he can hear them better. Unable to make out any specific words, he pads back through the kitchen and turns on the hotplate. Now the voices are louder and he thinks he hears his name, so he creeps back through the kitchen, across the living room to their bedroom door, thinking how strange it is for them to be awake this late. Sandy has been known to get up occasionally through the night, but Will Sr. sleeps like a log from the moment his head hits the pillow until his alarm blasts him loose around five-thirty.
    Willie puts his ear to the door and listens.
    â€œâ€¦to excel at that sport or any other. No right atall. Leave him alone. God, do you know what he must feel like? Let him decide what he wants to play.”
    Big Will sounds low; even embarrassed. “I know, I know. I shouldn’t push him, but sometimes I think if I don’t he won’t do anything. He’ll just hide out.”
    â€œThen let him hide out,” she says. “He’ll come out of it eventually.”
    â€œDo you know that?”
    â€œI know if you keep pushing, when he does come out there won’t be anyone to come to .”
    â€œJesus, Sandy. He took drugs . He took acid . Kids start playing around with that stuff and they don’t come out of anything .”
    â€œHe told us what that was about, Will. He’s not going to take drugs again.”
    Willie is uncomfortable listening in; respecting privacy is a family rule. But he needs to know…
    â€œA lot of parents say that, Sandy,” Will says. “Willie’s got every reason in the world to want to escape.”
    Almost inaudibly, Sandy says, “You mean you do.”
    Big Will is instantly angry. “What do you mean by that?”
    There’s a pause. “I mean sometimes I think this has been harder on you than on Willie. I hate to say this,Will, but there are times you act ashamed of Willie. And he feels it, too; I can sense it. How do you think he felt at the racquetball courts tonight?”
    â€œI’m not ashamed of him! What the hell’s the matter with you, Sandy?”
    Now their voices are filling the house and Willie backs away from the door, moves over toward the stairs; sits.
    â€œWhat’s the matter with me? I’ll tell you what’s the matter with me. I’m so angry at you I could scream. I could leave. When Missy died, you were so righteous. You were so goddam righteous. You sat around telling us all how we shouldn’t blame ourselves; you even got irritated with me when I couldn’t stop saying how guilty I felt. ‘Stick together,’ you said. ‘Look at the good things,’ you said. You were so strong. You were so goddam good . You didn’t have to feel bad. Hell, you weren’t even around. Couldn’t be Will Weaver’s fault. He was at work.”
    Sandy takes a shaky breath, and Willie realizes she’s almost out of control. But she’s not slowing down a second. “So now something happens that puts a crick in your world. Your kid; the one who was supposed to grow up and go to the