sation, reminding everyone you intend to return to it . They can be useful markers to signal that there might have been an interruption but the subject matter hasn't been dropped . They can look rude, though, if you use them to ignore the new speaker and suggest you just want them to finish so you can go back to your preferred subject .
The BAD AnD The UgLy? Now that we've seen what will aid your communication, let's look at some types of gestures that can cause problems by disrupting or upstaging your message .
AggRessive hAnd gesTuRes We use a lot of aggressive signals during the average day, often without realizing it . Most of them will occur as a result of suppressed aggression or frustration, but they are A B e gI n n e R ' S g U I D e TO y O U R h An D g e S T U Re S 103
visible to the naked eye and will be received as purveyors of ritualized combat or fight intentions .
Aggressive gestures appear when your system goes into a state of aggressive arousal . For most humans there's no follow through or even desire to follow through . A gang of fans going to a football game might well set out for the day with the objective of giving rival fans a good beating, but few commuters board the subway checking to see that they've packed their brass knuckles and can of Mace along with their BlackBerry . Aggressive behavior in the workplace is just as rife as that at football games but it tends to be suppressed, masked, or displaced . Workers often find that their way of coping with daily frustrations can involve things like slamming down phones, talking with sarcasm, chewing pens, or even getting into conflict at home .
leAkAge hAnd gesTuRes Remember your body language "leakage," all those give-away signals that act as your Personal Heckling system? Well, much of your leakage will come from your hand gestures, which tend to go out of control once you're put under pressure . Many of your leakage gestures can be misleading, but I've already read you the riot act over "no sick notes" and that rule has to stand .
Even if you rub your hands because of a chill in the air, if it looks like nerves it will have to stop . If you fiddle with 104 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S
jewelry, take it off for keynote meetings . If you twiddle your hair, tie it back .
Any gesture that's not part of your congruent message will be botching your communication via heckling and will therefore have to be deleted from your repertoire . Do this by visualizing and then rehearsing those gestures that will enhance your verbal communication .
self-CAlm gesTuRes If this book was about stress management I'd be encour- aging you to keep doing your self-calm gestures . They're the sucking, stroking, and patting things you do to make yourself feel better when you're under pressure . Unfortunately, you do need to ask yourself how many times you'd have "anxious" on the top of your image projection wish list .
If you're hooked on self-calming gestures, then at least try to develop one that is less visible . If it takes twenty-one to thirty days to change a habit, find a new one and make it work . All you need to do is invent a new self-calming gesture, like rubbing the tip of your thumb . Do it for twenty-one days when you feel calm and comfortable, then begin to use it to calm yourself down when you're stressed . Your brain will learn by association and the new gesture should be subtle enough to keep hidden . A B e gI n n e R ' S g U I D e TO y O U R h An D g e S T U Re S 105
TRunCATed gesTuRes These need to go on to the "gestures to ditch" list . Truncated gestures are the sort you start but somehow forget to finish . Ever watched someone talk who stops halfway into a gesture or mime? These are called truncated gestures . The speaker may pull out a candy and only get halfway through unwrapping it because he warms to the theme while talking . Or a speaker may start counting her fingers, intending to count four points off, but get lost after one or
The BAD AnD The UgLy? Now that we've seen what will aid your communication, let's look at some types of gestures that can cause problems by disrupting or upstaging your message .
AggRessive hAnd gesTuRes We use a lot of aggressive signals during the average day, often without realizing it . Most of them will occur as a result of suppressed aggression or frustration, but they are A B e gI n n e R ' S g U I D e TO y O U R h An D g e S T U Re S 103
visible to the naked eye and will be received as purveyors of ritualized combat or fight intentions .
Aggressive gestures appear when your system goes into a state of aggressive arousal . For most humans there's no follow through or even desire to follow through . A gang of fans going to a football game might well set out for the day with the objective of giving rival fans a good beating, but few commuters board the subway checking to see that they've packed their brass knuckles and can of Mace along with their BlackBerry . Aggressive behavior in the workplace is just as rife as that at football games but it tends to be suppressed, masked, or displaced . Workers often find that their way of coping with daily frustrations can involve things like slamming down phones, talking with sarcasm, chewing pens, or even getting into conflict at home .
leAkAge hAnd gesTuRes Remember your body language "leakage," all those give-away signals that act as your Personal Heckling system? Well, much of your leakage will come from your hand gestures, which tend to go out of control once you're put under pressure . Many of your leakage gestures can be misleading, but I've already read you the riot act over "no sick notes" and that rule has to stand .
Even if you rub your hands because of a chill in the air, if it looks like nerves it will have to stop . If you fiddle with 104 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S
jewelry, take it off for keynote meetings . If you twiddle your hair, tie it back .
Any gesture that's not part of your congruent message will be botching your communication via heckling and will therefore have to be deleted from your repertoire . Do this by visualizing and then rehearsing those gestures that will enhance your verbal communication .
self-CAlm gesTuRes If this book was about stress management I'd be encour- aging you to keep doing your self-calm gestures . They're the sucking, stroking, and patting things you do to make yourself feel better when you're under pressure . Unfortunately, you do need to ask yourself how many times you'd have "anxious" on the top of your image projection wish list .
If you're hooked on self-calming gestures, then at least try to develop one that is less visible . If it takes twenty-one to thirty days to change a habit, find a new one and make it work . All you need to do is invent a new self-calming gesture, like rubbing the tip of your thumb . Do it for twenty-one days when you feel calm and comfortable, then begin to use it to calm yourself down when you're stressed . Your brain will learn by association and the new gesture should be subtle enough to keep hidden . A B e gI n n e R ' S g U I D e TO y O U R h An D g e S T U Re S 105
TRunCATed gesTuRes These need to go on to the "gestures to ditch" list . Truncated gestures are the sort you start but somehow forget to finish . Ever watched someone talk who stops halfway into a gesture or mime? These are called truncated gestures . The speaker may pull out a candy and only get halfway through unwrapping it because he warms to the theme while talking . Or a speaker may start counting her fingers, intending to count four points off, but get lost after one or
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