The Body Language Rules by Judi James Page A

two, or she may raise a finger to make a point, and then park it because you go on talking . These gestures interrupt the listener . The eye tends to focus on chaos and if your gestures are chaotic in this way they will compete with your words and undoubtedly win .

    Truncated gestures are a distraction . Always finish what you've started because your audience will tend to stay where you left them .

    BARRieR hAnd gesTuRes Hands are all too easily accessible when it comes to creating body barriers . You can use them to cover any part of your face or to clutch a wine glass or bag to your chest when you feel under attack at social events . If you're a man, you might even use your hands to perform the classic crotch-cover or fig-leaf pose when you feel under physical or emotional attack . Even a small amount 106 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

    of facial touch will imply either anxiety or lying, so make strenuous efforts to keep your hands off your face, apart from an index-finger-to-chin touch, which can imply active listening .

    AuTo-ConTACT gesTuRes Hey, guess what? Auto-contact gestures can range from good to ghastly, depending what part of the body you're touching! As the name implies, they are self-touch gestures and will usually imply nervousness or anxiety, but in the case of hair, lip, or even leg or arm touch they can also imply sexual interest . So be careful!

    geSTURAL exceLLence So, to sum up: it's easy to spot the gestures that might interfere with your communication . These will fall into three key categories:

    1 . They distract from your message because you are

    fiddling, twiddling, or waving your arms around

    too much . These are the upstagers and need

    to fall out of your repertoire . They can also be

    half-finished, which means they are truncated

    gestures .

    2 . They're in conflict with your message . These are all

    those leakage or denial gestures that heckle you as

    you speak . A B e gI n n e R ' S g U I D e TO y O U R h An D g e S T U Re S 107

    3 . They're overcongruent, meaning they're right for

    the message but so over-the-top or overly repeated

    that your audience doubts your sincerity .

    ChAnging youR hAnd hABiTs It sounds hideously difficult to change your gestural patterns . For one thing, you're probably not even aware of them, and once you are aware you become too inhibited and self-conscious to look natural . Hands are a bit of a bugger; they're happy to do their own thing when you're not looking but once you start to pay them attention and give them instructions they go into a sulk . Often hands appear to grow in size, and the more you instruct them not to do something the more they tend to do it . Try telling yourself not to fiddle with your notes as you talk, for instance . The brain has its own little filter system . It deletes the word "don't" and only hears the command, so "don't put your hands in your pockets" becomes "shove your hands in your pockets at the first opportunity and then fiddle with your small change while you're in there ."

    Change means sending positive commands, not don'ts .

    Remember, it takes twenty-one to thirty days to change a habit, which is small fry compared to the benefits you'll 108 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

    be reaping . So here are your easy steps to becoming in control of your hand gestures:

    I Be aware of what gestures you're using at present and how

    you'd like them to change .

    I know your goals . What do you want to do with

    your hands while you speak? Open, emphatic

    gestures? Then send that image down to your

    subconscious .

    I get in front of that mirror again and rehearse, rehearse,

    rehearse .

    Here's a guide to help you through your rehearsals:

    I Palms facing up make you look open, honest, and compliant;

    however, overdoing the palm displays could make you look like

    a small-time crook or conman . Remember, overcongruent

    signals are not a nice look . The poker player's rule

    applies to overacted hand