The Big "O": A Romantic Comedy by H. Raven Rose Page A

laptop with both hands.
    “You mean Max?” Isis asked and giggled into the phone.
    “I mean me, myself and bitchy I. Speaking of which, I gotta go,” Emily said, “I have to get back to work. I only have a couple hours until Max Sr. and Jr. get home.”
    “Okay, ma chérie,” Isis said and made a "kiss, kiss" noise, then hung up.

    ~
    Approximately 7 faculty members and 22 graduate students, one of whom was Juliette, currently conducted research at the university Laboratory for Human Developmental Studies.
    While most of the faculty and graduate students were affiliated with the Department of Psychology, research assistance was also provided to faculty from the Linguistics and Human Ecology departments as well as the College of Education. Ongoing research included studies in the incremental acquisition and comprehension of language comprehensive, infant and child social groups and group dynamics, as well as studies in the effects of art education, artistic experiential play, and exposure to creative processes on the cognitive development of infants and young children.
    The facility included a waiting room for parents, numerous laboratories, offices for faculty and graduate researchers, a student lounge, and a developmental psychology library, as well as space for visiting faculty and post-doctoral fellows. Through research, the psych department, including Juliette, strove to advance theory and knowledge within developmental periods and across transitions, to understand group dynamics among young children, and also to further the understanding of how art and creative expression affected infant and child development.
    Inside of a darkened laboratory suite, Juliette watched through a one-way mirror as multiple toddlers played inside of a brightly lit unique creative playroom, full of toys and art supplies. She watched, rapt, and periodically made notations onto an electronic tablet with a stylus.

    ~
    Inside of Victor and Juliette’s house, in their unfinished basement, Max stood next to an easel with an over-sized pad of paper on it, holding a marker. Edwin and Victor sat on an old dirty plaid sofa, and drank beer. It was obvious that no one ever came down to the basement.
    “So, let's get down and, hopefully, dirty. What do you remember about the times you did the deed?” Max asked, then drew a cartoon man and labeled it "Victor."
    “Your basic in and out, not always the fucking military position…” Victor replied.
    “You mean missionary position. Military position is an entirely different beast,” Max said.
    “What the hell, asshole?” Victor asked.
    “Are we talking about repeatedly stabbing a female in the crotch with the stiffest and pointiest part of your pelvic region or something a little more sophisticated and/or subtle?” Edwin asked.
    “What the hell else is there, Edwin?” Victor said.
    “How many women have you slept with?” Edwin asked in response.
    “How many women have you slept with?” Victor asked Edwin.
    “Okay, guys,” Max said, “Let's not go down that road.” He tapped the cartoon figure.
    “Victor, think back for a moment about your technique, from stimulation methods to position,” Max said. Victor thought for a moment.
    “Well, there was the angry dragon, the cow girl, the oopie. The dirty Sanchez…” Victor said, laughing, “Just kidding about that, never did the dirty Sanchez.”
    “What's an oopie?” Max asked.
    “What the heck are any of them?” Edwin asked.
    “Oh, you know,” Victor said to Max, “when the girl asphyxiates you and rubs your scruff until it pushes you over the edge and then bam, man milk!”
    “Jeez,” Max replied.
    “Uh, yeah,” Edwin said.
    “What? Don't tell me you guys don't know what I'm talking about… 'cause I know you fucking do,” Victor said.
    “Isn't "scruffing" guy on guy action?” Edwin asked. Victor jumped up and got all up in Edwin's face. Edwin hid his fear and tried not to shrink backwards.
    “Number 1, that's not