The Big "O": A Romantic Comedy by H. Raven Rose

said.
    Vic laughed and looked at his cards. He nonchalantly tried to get a look at Edwin's cards. Edwin covered them.
    “Sure, that shit'll work, Edwino,” Victor said and laughed again.
    “I get it, I get it. Isis needs to be a kitty in the bedroom and a tigress in the boardroom,” Max said.
    “Hospital billing department,” Victor corrected.
    “I don't care what she does for a living, I love her,” Edwin said, “this isn't about that, where she works. I already have the ring. I'm not going to let her control what I do, including when I say I do, I'd do anything to make her happy, but in the right timing.” Victor shrugged.
    “Speaking of timing, and all good things coming to those who wait, or all good things waiting for those who come…” Max said.
    The guys laughed and kept playing poker.
    “Vic, your deal with Juliette is relatively easy to solve. You've surely done the deed in the past, man. We just need to reverse engineer the solution,” Max said.
    “Yeah, we figure out what you did right before, and duplicate it… a scientific approach,” Edwin added.
    “Every guy has his own step-by-step process for satisfying a woman, but not every guy knows what the hell he is doing, even if he's doing it right. And why is that?” Max asked.
    “Just fucking finish, asshole, and stop asking theoretical questions like this is a power point presentation and your fucking career is riding on it,” Victor said.
    “Chill, Vic. He's trying to help,” Edwin said.
    “It’s because there are four categories of success or failure in life. There's "conscious competence,” and "unconscious competence” right?” Max said, “I don’t remember who figured it out exactly,” he added. Victor and Edwin exchanged a look. Where was Max going with this? He looked at Victor as if what he’d said was deeply meaningful.
    Victor tried to make sense of the conscious competence and unconscious competence concept but it was hard to follow.
    “So?” Victor finally said and shrugged. Max looked at Edwin. Edwin shrugged. Max sighed.
    “ So , you've been unconsciously competent at giving a girl The Big “O.” But now you need to figure out exactly what you did and how you did it, so you can be consciously competent and, bada-bing, bada-boom, give it to Juliette,” Max said. Edwin and Victor thought that over.
    “What the fuck are the other two categories of success and failure?” Victor finally asked.
    “Nah, man. Forget em. We're handling your shit, starting right now,” Max said.
    “Yeah, those other categories are for people with serious issues,” Edwin said.
    A minute later, Edwin laid down his cards.
    “Full house.” Victor and Max groaned.

    ~
    Inside of her home office, Emily posted on her professional Twitter and FaceBook. Her cell phone rang. She checked the caller ID and saw that it was Isis calling. She grabbed the phone.
    “Hi, honey,” Emily said when she answered the phone. She stared out the office window.
    Inside of the hospital billing office, Isis sat at a desk with a headset phone on her head. Isis looked wildly around the office. At a table by a water fountain a bunch of her coworkers were gobbling up cookies and snacks as if they were starving.
    “Chérie, I hate my job,” Isis whispered into the phone.
    “I seem to remember you saying that,” Emily said and juggled her cell phone while typing on the keyboard.
    “I'm at my breaking point. Somebody just received a cookie bouquet. If they offer me one of those damned cardboard looking psychedelic frosted monstrosities I'm going to quit on the spot and go freelance,” Isis said. Emily laughed and nearly dropped her phone.
    “Being self-employed isn't the easiest. Can you even be a freelance medical biller?” Emily asked.
    “I just wanna be free,” Isis said.
    “FreeMax is an illusion. Freelance is not free. Alas, my boss is a bitch and a slave driver,” Emily said and, holding her cell phone to her ear with one shoulder, tapped on her