The Bachelorette Party by Karen McCullah Lutz

white-collar prisons. He didn’t tell me until dessert.”
    Zadie was sure that the guy had made it up in order to get out of an after-dinner drink. Eloise probably had dates who would steal a car to get away from her.
    Helen was concerned, of course. “Well, I hope you’re not going to see him again.”
    “Absolutely not. Can you imagine his credit after something like that?”
    Denise leaned over and grabbed the tub of cream cheese from the center of the table. “Did he tell you if he was someone’s bitch while he was in jail?”
    Marci and Kim gasped, along with Helen. Prison rape was a bit raw of a topic for breakfast. Or maybe they were just horrified that Denise was eating so much dairy.
    Eloise wrinkled her nose. “I didn’t ask.”
    Cassandra leaned over and inspected Zadie’s purse. “Is that a Balenciaga?”
    Zadie glanced at her purse and looked back at Cassandra. “Only if they sell Balenciagas for ten bucks on the Venice boardwalk.”
    Cassandra didn’t even crack a smile. Phoebe was equally stonefaced. Don’t fuck with fashion around Skinny and Snotty.
    Gilda leaned over and whispered in Zadie’s ear. “Do you think we can ditch these two before the end of the day?”
    “God, I hope so.” Zadie smiled at her, glad to have at least one ally at the table.
    Helen put her napkin on the table and stood up. “Who’s ready for kundalini yoga?” Big Ass Betsy, Plane Jane, Eloise, Marci and Kim, and Cassandra and Phoebe all leaped up with glee. Denise, Zadie, and Gilda were a little bit slower to rise. “I promise you’ll all love it. And kundalini is perfect for pregnant moms, so no one has to worry about Denise,” Helen assured them.
    Denise didn’t look worried about the baby, she just looked nauseous in general as she pushed her plate away. French toast with hollandaise sauce tends to make one a bit woozy.
    “Let’s go, everyone!” Helen led the way to the elevator, as Denise leaned over and discreetly puked into the bowl of mixed fruit. Zadie stayed behind to make sure she was okay. Denise looked up at her, completely miserable.
    “Two more months of this.”
    Zadie tried to be positive. “But just think. Then you’ll have a baby”
    Denise didn’t look any happier. “Exactly.”

fourteen
    Golden Bridge Yoga was on 3rd Street, and had no parking lot to speak of, so the limo came in handy. The fellow yogis in the lobby looked out the window, expecting to see Madonna or some such celebrity debark, but alas, it was just a handful of swinging bachelorette party revelers, here to Zen out and discover their kundalini energy.
    Zadie had been to a few power yoga classes in the past and had decided that yoga was something she liked having done , but in fact, hated the actual process of doing it. Although kundalini was supposed to be a more spiritual yoga practice and some people swore it brought them to heights of ecstasy, so Zadie was hoping it might be like the leg-press experience, which would be a small ray of sunshine in this otherwise dark day.
    She plopped down on her mat in the back, next to Gilda.
    “Do you think they’ll notice if we just fall asleep back here?” Gilda asked.
    “Maybe we’ll get lucky and it’s one of those classes where everyone has their eyes closed.”
    They watched as Skinny and Snotty pushed their way to the front in order to sit next to Cindy Crawford. Helen sat in the middle, surrounded by Marci, Kim, Plane Jane, Eloise, and Big Ass Betsy. Denise was next to the door in case she needed to hurl again.
    When the class started, everyone immediately got to chanting. Zadie chanted along with them, even though she had no idea what she was saying. Hindi wasn’t an elective at UCLA. She could be swearing vengeance upon the infidels for all she knew. Along with the chanting came rocking. And breathing. Lots of breathing. Breath of fire. Dog breath. People were actually sticking out their tongues and panting like dogs. Zadie figured when in Rome … After a few