Spiritual Care: A Guide for Caregivers by Judith Allen Shelly

director of Christian education, became severely affected
with colitis. She wrote in her diary, "My prayers don't seem to be
getting through. I feel so selfish. I just keep dwelling on myself
and praying for God to heal me. I can't seem to get beyond this
point. I know God hears other people's prayers, but he doesn't
seem to hear me."
    Sarah Johnson had a similar response. A sixty-nine-year-old
grandmother who had always had a deep faith, she confessed to a
parish nurse, "God seems so far away right now. I don't understand it, but I can't seem to pray anymore."
    Illness and suffering often disrupt a person's ability to pray. The
normal stages of grief affect a person's relationship with God, as
well as relationships with other people. Jerry Wells may feel God
does not hear, does not care or does not know about his concerns.
He may blame God for his accident and be angry toward Godand then feel guilt over his anger. He may try to bargain with God
and then give up in despair. He may be so overwhelmed by his
present situation that he thinks no one, including God, can help
him. In any case, Jerry, Mary and Sarah feel they are not getting
through to God.
    Figure 3 provides a picture of these dynamics. The dotted lines
indicate the reality of the relationships. The woman in the wheelchair has a relationship with God, but her illness hangs like a
cloud, making God seem distant and unconcerned. However, she
can see the nurse's presence and sense her compassion. She communicates easily with her. She also senses that the nurse has a
strong faith relationship with God. She knows that God listens to this nurse. When the nurse prays for her, she feels that God hears
her concerns. The nurse's praying aloud with Sarah assures Sarah
that the prayers will be heard.

    Figure 3. Why pray?
A Sense of Isolation
    Most seriously ill people experience an overwhelming sense of isolation at some point. Whether or not the person has a strong support system, he or she often feels alone and cut off from human
relationships. Maria, a thirty-three-year-old woman with a brain
tumor, described her sense of isolation: "It is difficult to express
the deep inner cravings of my heart during these last few months.
I longed night and day for someone to reach out to me with an
understanding hand and heart. It was as if I had a huge, gaping
wound that could not be treated. The pain, the fear, the irritability,
the turmoil pressed upon me daily. It seemed as though no one
was near me, no one cared. I thought I would collapse for want of
understanding. I felt that I must be the only person to have ever
experienced such a need." The fact that warm, loving friends and family surround the person does not always cut through that sense
of isolation.

    When people cannot perceive the love and concern of other
people, whom they can see, their ability to sense God's presence
and concern is even further impaired. When that illness forces
them into dependency upon others, the emotional struggle surrounding loss of control and independence may further complicate
their ability to trust in God.
    Often persons who have had a strong faith will undergo the most
distressing difficulties in their ability to trust God and to pray. Prior
to her brain tumor, Maria was a missionary with a vibrant faith, yet
she concluded, "I needed someone to say in words the things I was
unable to say to God." She felt comforted because others were praying for her, but she also felt guilty that she suddenly seemed
estranged from God. She desperately wanted to trust God, but at
the same time, she felt angry and betrayed by him. All of the hurts
and perceived failures of her missionary career came crashing down
on her, sending her into a spiral of fear and depression. Her friend
Ginny listened quietly as Maria shared her feelings, then offered to
pray with her. In her prayer Ginny told God exactly what Maria
had told her, asking him to give Maria strength, peace