Spiritual Care: A Guide for Caregivers by Judith Allen Shelly Page B
Authors: Judith Allen Shelly
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conversation beforehand. DeArment
states, "A further test of dynamic and thoroughly legitimate use of
prayer at the bedside is your willingness to stay and respond to the
feelings and words of the patients which the prayer has touched."2
In situations where anxiety is high, be alert for spiritual needs.
Times of waiting and uncertainty provide opportunities to pray
with others. Prayer can be especially helpful preoperatively,
before major tests, after admission to an unfamiliar environment
or when potentially frightening equipment is applied (such as ventilators, electrodes or monitors).
Early in my nursing career, Rosella Valenti taught me the value
of prayer in a time of high anxiety, hers and mine. Recently reassigned to the intensive care unit, I still felt unsure of my competence when Rosella was admitted after a major heart attack.
Rosella belonged to my church, but I did not know her well. She
seemed relieved to see me there and asked me to pray for her,
which I did. The head nurse was not pleased. She sternly warned
me to keep my religious practices out of her unit. The next morning, however, Rosella seemed delirious, complaining loudly about
the "green men" who had violated her privacy and treated her
roughly. She seemed to think she was on a spaceship. She continually cried out, "Oh God, help me!"
Then I caught a glimpse of a surgical team making rounds in
their green scrub suits and considered how Rosella must feel in
her cubicle, attached to monitors that beeped and an IV catheter
dripping a strange solution into her veins. Of course those men
must have looked like aliens from outer space! I went to the head
nurse and told her that I honestly thought I should pray with
Rosella, explaining that it might calm her. Then I gently laid my
hand on Rosella's arm, explained where she was and what was
happening, and prayed for her. She relaxed, smiled and said, "I
really did know those men were doctors, I was just so scared-but
I know the Lord is here too." She never "hallucinated" again-and
I had blanket permission to pray for patients after that.
A basic guideline to determine whether prayer is appropriate in a given situation might be to ask yourself, "Whose need am I
meeting-my own or the other person's?" If your own need compels you to pray, then you would do better to pray privately,
rather than to use the suffering person to meet your need. If I had
indiscriminately prayed aloud with every patient in the ICU, the
head nurse would have been entirely justified in reprimanding me.
However, because I assessed her need for prayer first, my intervention with Rosella became clearly appropriate.
Rarely will a person turn down your offer to pray. I can only
think of two occasions when this happened in my own experience.
Both incidents occurred when I was visiting as a hospital chaplain, never when I was caring for someone as a nurse. One situation was an older woman, who told me, "No, my own pastor is
coming this afternoon." The other was a high-powered businessman, who seemed to need to feel in control. He said, "I'll be fine, I
don't need any help from the Man Upstairs." When this happens,
respect the person's refusal and simply continue with your conversation. Communicate acceptance of the person, even if he or she
does not accept your offer. Be sure you don't just turn on your
heel and leave at that point.
How to Pray
When we pray with a person, we express to God what that person
would pray if able. The most helpful prayer is usually a short, simple statement to God of the person's hopes, fears and needs, and a
recognition of God's ability to meet the person in his or her situation.
For example, Rose Wade was admitted to the emergency
department with a gunshot wound of the nose and mouth inflicted
by her husband during an argument. Her condition was stable.
She was alert, but she could not talk because of the pain and swelling of her tongue. She appeared frightened and
states, "A further test of dynamic and thoroughly legitimate use of
prayer at the bedside is your willingness to stay and respond to the
feelings and words of the patients which the prayer has touched."2
In situations where anxiety is high, be alert for spiritual needs.
Times of waiting and uncertainty provide opportunities to pray
with others. Prayer can be especially helpful preoperatively,
before major tests, after admission to an unfamiliar environment
or when potentially frightening equipment is applied (such as ventilators, electrodes or monitors).
Early in my nursing career, Rosella Valenti taught me the value
of prayer in a time of high anxiety, hers and mine. Recently reassigned to the intensive care unit, I still felt unsure of my competence when Rosella was admitted after a major heart attack.
Rosella belonged to my church, but I did not know her well. She
seemed relieved to see me there and asked me to pray for her,
which I did. The head nurse was not pleased. She sternly warned
me to keep my religious practices out of her unit. The next morning, however, Rosella seemed delirious, complaining loudly about
the "green men" who had violated her privacy and treated her
roughly. She seemed to think she was on a spaceship. She continually cried out, "Oh God, help me!"
Then I caught a glimpse of a surgical team making rounds in
their green scrub suits and considered how Rosella must feel in
her cubicle, attached to monitors that beeped and an IV catheter
dripping a strange solution into her veins. Of course those men
must have looked like aliens from outer space! I went to the head
nurse and told her that I honestly thought I should pray with
Rosella, explaining that it might calm her. Then I gently laid my
hand on Rosella's arm, explained where she was and what was
happening, and prayed for her. She relaxed, smiled and said, "I
really did know those men were doctors, I was just so scared-but
I know the Lord is here too." She never "hallucinated" again-and
I had blanket permission to pray for patients after that.
A basic guideline to determine whether prayer is appropriate in a given situation might be to ask yourself, "Whose need am I
meeting-my own or the other person's?" If your own need compels you to pray, then you would do better to pray privately,
rather than to use the suffering person to meet your need. If I had
indiscriminately prayed aloud with every patient in the ICU, the
head nurse would have been entirely justified in reprimanding me.
However, because I assessed her need for prayer first, my intervention with Rosella became clearly appropriate.
Rarely will a person turn down your offer to pray. I can only
think of two occasions when this happened in my own experience.
Both incidents occurred when I was visiting as a hospital chaplain, never when I was caring for someone as a nurse. One situation was an older woman, who told me, "No, my own pastor is
coming this afternoon." The other was a high-powered businessman, who seemed to need to feel in control. He said, "I'll be fine, I
don't need any help from the Man Upstairs." When this happens,
respect the person's refusal and simply continue with your conversation. Communicate acceptance of the person, even if he or she
does not accept your offer. Be sure you don't just turn on your
heel and leave at that point.
How to Pray
When we pray with a person, we express to God what that person
would pray if able. The most helpful prayer is usually a short, simple statement to God of the person's hopes, fears and needs, and a
recognition of God's ability to meet the person in his or her situation.
For example, Rose Wade was admitted to the emergency
department with a gunshot wound of the nose and mouth inflicted
by her husband during an argument. Her condition was stable.
She was alert, but she could not talk because of the pain and swelling of her tongue. She appeared frightened and
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