Spiritual Care: A Guide for Caregivers by Judith Allen Shelly Page A
Authors: Judith Allen Shelly
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and healing.
As Ginny prayed, Maria began to feel hopeful.
Our prayers for others are important not only for the comfort they
may receive but because God hears our prayers and answers. We
have a responsibility to pray for those who are suffering. However,
praying with them has additional advantages beyond the psychological ones. Jesus instructed the disciples, "If two of you agree on earth
about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in
heaven" (Mt 18:19). Praying together is important to God.
Praying together is also important to the sick person. When we
say, "I'll pray for you," without finding out what the person wants us to pray for, we may be of some comfort, but we offer only minimal support. The person never knows what we will pray or has
the assurance that we really aid pray.
When Ginny prayed aloud for Maria, Maria knew that someone had truly heard her concerns and understood her needs.
Ginny facilitated Maria's relationship to God as she became a temporary channel of God's grace. She also broke through the interpersonal isolation that Maria felt as she joined her in bearing her
burden before the Lord.
Intimacy Without Exposure
Shared prayer has some unique interpersonal side effects; it can
be one of the deepest forms of human communication. Hospital
chaplain Daniel DeArment claims that shared prayer allows "intimacy without exposure."' When we pray with a patient, expressing to God what the patient has told us verbally and nonverbally,
we break through the person's isolation without directly discussing what we have observed that was not verbalized. For instance,
a person may deny he is fearful of surgery, but his affect betrays
him. To confront that person directly by saying, "You are afraid; I
can tell," would probably send his defenses up further. But to pray
with him, "Lord, this is a scary situation -comfort John tonight,"
might free him to talk about the fear he is experiencing.
The question of meaning, especially finding meaning in an illness, can be dealt with more deeply in shared prayer than in
casual conversation. A relationship with God can supply meaning
when human resources cannot satisfactorily explain the suffering.
In praying with patients we do more than support them; we join
them in their quest for meaning and purpose by going with them
to the Source.
When a crisis has distorted a person's view of God, we may be able to demonstrate a healthy picture of God through shared
prayer. For instance, someone we are caring for may feel that God
is far away and does not hear. As we address God personally and
confidently, the suffering person's perception of God's love and
concern may be renewed.
The work of the Holy Spirit through us and within us cannot
be explained scientifically, but it is a reality. Romans 8:26 states,
"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know
how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs
too deep for words." The observable interpersonal dynamics-the
sense of intimacy and unity-which result from shared prayer are
not a psychological gimmick. They demonstrate the power of a
personal God at work in his creatures.
When to Pray
Prayer must be used in the context of compassionate presence, in
a relationship in which adequate communication has taken place.
When a person has expressed pain, fear, anxiety, stress, helplessness or joy (either verbally or nonverbally) to the extent that we
can identify what the person is feeling, then we can pray appropriately. If you do not have a fairly clear understanding of what is
bothering the other person, you are not yet ready to pray. Praying
prematurely with someone is likely to cut off further in-depth
communication.
On the other hand, be careful to avoid using prayer as a way to
end a conversation or visit. Prayer often triggers deep feelings
within a person. The verbal interaction after shared prayer may be
more significant than the
As Ginny prayed, Maria began to feel hopeful.
Our prayers for others are important not only for the comfort they
may receive but because God hears our prayers and answers. We
have a responsibility to pray for those who are suffering. However,
praying with them has additional advantages beyond the psychological ones. Jesus instructed the disciples, "If two of you agree on earth
about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in
heaven" (Mt 18:19). Praying together is important to God.
Praying together is also important to the sick person. When we
say, "I'll pray for you," without finding out what the person wants us to pray for, we may be of some comfort, but we offer only minimal support. The person never knows what we will pray or has
the assurance that we really aid pray.
When Ginny prayed aloud for Maria, Maria knew that someone had truly heard her concerns and understood her needs.
Ginny facilitated Maria's relationship to God as she became a temporary channel of God's grace. She also broke through the interpersonal isolation that Maria felt as she joined her in bearing her
burden before the Lord.
Intimacy Without Exposure
Shared prayer has some unique interpersonal side effects; it can
be one of the deepest forms of human communication. Hospital
chaplain Daniel DeArment claims that shared prayer allows "intimacy without exposure."' When we pray with a patient, expressing to God what the patient has told us verbally and nonverbally,
we break through the person's isolation without directly discussing what we have observed that was not verbalized. For instance,
a person may deny he is fearful of surgery, but his affect betrays
him. To confront that person directly by saying, "You are afraid; I
can tell," would probably send his defenses up further. But to pray
with him, "Lord, this is a scary situation -comfort John tonight,"
might free him to talk about the fear he is experiencing.
The question of meaning, especially finding meaning in an illness, can be dealt with more deeply in shared prayer than in
casual conversation. A relationship with God can supply meaning
when human resources cannot satisfactorily explain the suffering.
In praying with patients we do more than support them; we join
them in their quest for meaning and purpose by going with them
to the Source.
When a crisis has distorted a person's view of God, we may be able to demonstrate a healthy picture of God through shared
prayer. For instance, someone we are caring for may feel that God
is far away and does not hear. As we address God personally and
confidently, the suffering person's perception of God's love and
concern may be renewed.
The work of the Holy Spirit through us and within us cannot
be explained scientifically, but it is a reality. Romans 8:26 states,
"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know
how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs
too deep for words." The observable interpersonal dynamics-the
sense of intimacy and unity-which result from shared prayer are
not a psychological gimmick. They demonstrate the power of a
personal God at work in his creatures.
When to Pray
Prayer must be used in the context of compassionate presence, in
a relationship in which adequate communication has taken place.
When a person has expressed pain, fear, anxiety, stress, helplessness or joy (either verbally or nonverbally) to the extent that we
can identify what the person is feeling, then we can pray appropriately. If you do not have a fairly clear understanding of what is
bothering the other person, you are not yet ready to pray. Praying
prematurely with someone is likely to cut off further in-depth
communication.
On the other hand, be careful to avoid using prayer as a way to
end a conversation or visit. Prayer often triggers deep feelings
within a person. The verbal interaction after shared prayer may be
more significant than the
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