‘re
being pressured, aren’t you?
You ‘re
having to face a tough situation—why shouldn’t he have to help you with it? I swear, Ella, if Dane doesn’t do right by you, I’m going to give him such shit—” She paused at a comment from her husband. “I mean it, Tom! For God’s sake, what if Ella had gotten pregnant the way I did? You stepped up to handle the responsibility—don’t you think Dane should? I don’t give a damn if it’s his baby or not. The fact is, Ella needs his support.” She returned her full attention to me. “No matter what Dane says, come back to Austin with the baby, Ella. Your friends are here. We’ll help you with him.”
“I don’t know. I’d be running into Dane . . . it would be weird living near him but not with him. Maybe I should just try to find a furnished apartment here in Houston. It’s only for three months.”
“And go back to Dane when the problem is solved?” Stacy asked, outraged.
“Well . . . yes.”
“I guess if you got cancer you’d have to take care of it all by yourself, too, so you wouldn’t inconvenience him? Make Dane part of this. You should be able to rely on him, Ella! You’re . . . here, Tom wants to say something.”
I waited until I heard his resigned voice. “Hey, Ella.”
“Hey, Tom. Before you say anything . . . don’t tell me what Stace wants me to hear. Tell me the truth. You’re his best friend and you know him better than anyone. Dane’s not going to budge, is he?”
Tom sighed. “It’s all a trap to him, anything that smacks of the house, the dog, the wife, and the two-point-five kids. And unlike Stacy and apparently everyone else we know, I don’t think Dane would make a wonderful father. He’s not nearly enough of a masochist.”
I smiled with rueful sadness, knowing Tom was going to catch hell from Stacy for his honesty. “I know that Dane would rather try to save the world than try to save one baby. But I can’t figure out why.”
“Babies are tough customers, Ella,” Tom said. “You get a lot more credit for trying to save the world. And it’s easier.”
Eight
“I’ve been put in a situation I can’t walk away from,” I told Dane on the phone. “So I’ll tell you what I want to do, and after you hear me out, you can tell me what choices I have. Or not.”
“My God, Ella,” he said quietly.
I frowned. “Don’t say ‘My God, Ella’ yet. I haven’t even told you my plan.”
“I know what it is.”
“You do?”
“I knew the moment you left Austin. You’ve always been the cleanup crew of your family.” Dane’s resigned kindness was only one step away from pity. I would have preferred hostility. He made me feel as if life was a circus and I had been permanently assigned to walk behind the elephant.
“No one’s forcing me to do anything I don’t want to do,” I protested.
“As far as I know, taking care of your sister’s baby has never been on your list of life goals.”
“She only had the baby a week ago. I’m allowed to revise my list of life goals, aren’t I?”
“Yes. But that doesn’t mean I have to revise mine, too.” He sighed. “Tell me everything. Believe it or not, I’m on your side.”
I explained what had happened, the conversation with Tara, and I finished with a defensive, “It’s only three months. And the baby’s hardly any trouble at all.”
Unless you happen to like sleep,
I thought. “So I’m going to look for a furnished apartment in Houston, and stay here until Tara gets better. I think Liza might help out, too. And then I’ll go back to our apartment in Austin. To you.” I went for a brisk finish. “Sound like a good plan?”
“It sounds like
a
plan,” he said. I heard the soft, slow expulsion of a pent-up breath, one from the bottom of his lungs. “What do you want me to say, Ella?”
I wanted him to say,
Come home. I’ll help with the baby.
But I told him, “I want to know what you’re really thinking.”
“I think you’re still
being pressured, aren’t you?
You ‘re
having to face a tough situation—why shouldn’t he have to help you with it? I swear, Ella, if Dane doesn’t do right by you, I’m going to give him such shit—” She paused at a comment from her husband. “I mean it, Tom! For God’s sake, what if Ella had gotten pregnant the way I did? You stepped up to handle the responsibility—don’t you think Dane should? I don’t give a damn if it’s his baby or not. The fact is, Ella needs his support.” She returned her full attention to me. “No matter what Dane says, come back to Austin with the baby, Ella. Your friends are here. We’ll help you with him.”
“I don’t know. I’d be running into Dane . . . it would be weird living near him but not with him. Maybe I should just try to find a furnished apartment here in Houston. It’s only for three months.”
“And go back to Dane when the problem is solved?” Stacy asked, outraged.
“Well . . . yes.”
“I guess if you got cancer you’d have to take care of it all by yourself, too, so you wouldn’t inconvenience him? Make Dane part of this. You should be able to rely on him, Ella! You’re . . . here, Tom wants to say something.”
I waited until I heard his resigned voice. “Hey, Ella.”
“Hey, Tom. Before you say anything . . . don’t tell me what Stace wants me to hear. Tell me the truth. You’re his best friend and you know him better than anyone. Dane’s not going to budge, is he?”
Tom sighed. “It’s all a trap to him, anything that smacks of the house, the dog, the wife, and the two-point-five kids. And unlike Stacy and apparently everyone else we know, I don’t think Dane would make a wonderful father. He’s not nearly enough of a masochist.”
I smiled with rueful sadness, knowing Tom was going to catch hell from Stacy for his honesty. “I know that Dane would rather try to save the world than try to save one baby. But I can’t figure out why.”
“Babies are tough customers, Ella,” Tom said. “You get a lot more credit for trying to save the world. And it’s easier.”
Eight
“I’ve been put in a situation I can’t walk away from,” I told Dane on the phone. “So I’ll tell you what I want to do, and after you hear me out, you can tell me what choices I have. Or not.”
“My God, Ella,” he said quietly.
I frowned. “Don’t say ‘My God, Ella’ yet. I haven’t even told you my plan.”
“I know what it is.”
“You do?”
“I knew the moment you left Austin. You’ve always been the cleanup crew of your family.” Dane’s resigned kindness was only one step away from pity. I would have preferred hostility. He made me feel as if life was a circus and I had been permanently assigned to walk behind the elephant.
“No one’s forcing me to do anything I don’t want to do,” I protested.
“As far as I know, taking care of your sister’s baby has never been on your list of life goals.”
“She only had the baby a week ago. I’m allowed to revise my list of life goals, aren’t I?”
“Yes. But that doesn’t mean I have to revise mine, too.” He sighed. “Tell me everything. Believe it or not, I’m on your side.”
I explained what had happened, the conversation with Tara, and I finished with a defensive, “It’s only three months. And the baby’s hardly any trouble at all.”
Unless you happen to like sleep,
I thought. “So I’m going to look for a furnished apartment in Houston, and stay here until Tara gets better. I think Liza might help out, too. And then I’ll go back to our apartment in Austin. To you.” I went for a brisk finish. “Sound like a good plan?”
“It sounds like
a
plan,” he said. I heard the soft, slow expulsion of a pent-up breath, one from the bottom of his lungs. “What do you want me to say, Ella?”
I wanted him to say,
Come home. I’ll help with the baby.
But I told him, “I want to know what you’re really thinking.”
“I think you’re still
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