“Indeed, and it was of great comfort to us. Gradually all these memories came to us, and we marveled at the truths He had scattered in our paths every day of those three years. He often said that those who had ears would hear—meaning they would understand, of course. But we later recognized that we must not have had ears. He tried to tell us many times that He had been sent only to do the will of His Father, and He even made clear that this would mean His own death. But we heard only what we wanted to hear.”
“Now, you said that the authorities were not aware of what He had done at Passover, but with the city teeming, word must have spread to the people.”
“Oh, yes! And many believed in His name when they saw the signs He did. But Jesus did not commit Himself to them, because He knew all men, and had no need that anyone should testify of man, for He knew what was in man.”
“I am not following, teacher. What are you saying?”
“You rightly question this, son, as I did at the time. I recall being perplexed that Jesus did not seem to revel in the adoration of the crowds. He was already healing people and speaking such profound mysteries that people began flocking to hear and see Him wherever He went. I could only put myself in His place and imagine how fulfilling it would have been to have people gaze with such wonder and devotion. Yet it was clear He did not go out of His way to endear Himself to any. He seemed above it, not with any air of conceit, but rather as if He distrusted mere humans. We disciples had already proven less than worthy companions, and if we who were beginning to know Him so well could not be thoroughly trusted, He certainly wasn’t about to cater to the whims of the public.”
“But you say”—Polycarp referred back to his writing—“that ‘He knew all men, and had no need that anyone should testify of man, for He knew what was in man.’ I realize that means He didn’t need their applause or their affirmation, but what was it that He ‘knew’ was ‘in man’?”
“Oh, I believe we know, do we not, son? Were we not both reminded of what is truly in us, at our core, when we presented ourselves to the living God for His service? I hate to see myself in His light. And if we who have given our lives for His service can be brought so low by such a peering into our souls, imagine what must be in the hearts of people who had just been introduced to Him.
“All they knew of Him were His impressive speeches and His miracles. No one I know had witnessed a miracle in our lifetime. These people did not know the Man. And any lauding of His person or character would have sprung from their own, frail, human perspectives. No, the Messiah was not looking for the approval of men.”
“That must have frustrated them,” Polycarp said. “I can envision them, as I can see myself, hoping to get near Him, to speak a word or hear one directed solely at me. I would have wanted to be able to say I had interacted with the Man who had become the spectacle at Passover in Jerusalem.”
John nodded. “Yes. I confess I myself was proud to be seen in His very presence and recognized as one of His. As I reflect on it, however, I doubt anyone really looked at the men surrounding Him. He alone was the object of the crowd’s desire.”
NINE
T hat Tuesday evening, John excused Polycarp to join Ignatius for the teaching of the people. The crowd the night before had been larger than the Lord’s Day gathering, and the deaconate felt Polycarp was needed in case even more arrived for this meeting.
John took his dinner alone in his quarters and found himself strangely melancholy. He tried to put out of his mind the discomfort in his chest and blamed his mood on the fact that he was used to having his young disciple with him. Polycarp, always a bright student, had proved an ideal companion for this difficult work, asking just the right questions and exhibiting a contagious enthusiasm for every anecdote. John
“Now, you said that the authorities were not aware of what He had done at Passover, but with the city teeming, word must have spread to the people.”
“Oh, yes! And many believed in His name when they saw the signs He did. But Jesus did not commit Himself to them, because He knew all men, and had no need that anyone should testify of man, for He knew what was in man.”
“I am not following, teacher. What are you saying?”
“You rightly question this, son, as I did at the time. I recall being perplexed that Jesus did not seem to revel in the adoration of the crowds. He was already healing people and speaking such profound mysteries that people began flocking to hear and see Him wherever He went. I could only put myself in His place and imagine how fulfilling it would have been to have people gaze with such wonder and devotion. Yet it was clear He did not go out of His way to endear Himself to any. He seemed above it, not with any air of conceit, but rather as if He distrusted mere humans. We disciples had already proven less than worthy companions, and if we who were beginning to know Him so well could not be thoroughly trusted, He certainly wasn’t about to cater to the whims of the public.”
“But you say”—Polycarp referred back to his writing—“that ‘He knew all men, and had no need that anyone should testify of man, for He knew what was in man.’ I realize that means He didn’t need their applause or their affirmation, but what was it that He ‘knew’ was ‘in man’?”
“Oh, I believe we know, do we not, son? Were we not both reminded of what is truly in us, at our core, when we presented ourselves to the living God for His service? I hate to see myself in His light. And if we who have given our lives for His service can be brought so low by such a peering into our souls, imagine what must be in the hearts of people who had just been introduced to Him.
“All they knew of Him were His impressive speeches and His miracles. No one I know had witnessed a miracle in our lifetime. These people did not know the Man. And any lauding of His person or character would have sprung from their own, frail, human perspectives. No, the Messiah was not looking for the approval of men.”
“That must have frustrated them,” Polycarp said. “I can envision them, as I can see myself, hoping to get near Him, to speak a word or hear one directed solely at me. I would have wanted to be able to say I had interacted with the Man who had become the spectacle at Passover in Jerusalem.”
John nodded. “Yes. I confess I myself was proud to be seen in His very presence and recognized as one of His. As I reflect on it, however, I doubt anyone really looked at the men surrounding Him. He alone was the object of the crowd’s desire.”
NINE
T hat Tuesday evening, John excused Polycarp to join Ignatius for the teaching of the people. The crowd the night before had been larger than the Lord’s Day gathering, and the deaconate felt Polycarp was needed in case even more arrived for this meeting.
John took his dinner alone in his quarters and found himself strangely melancholy. He tried to put out of his mind the discomfort in his chest and blamed his mood on the fact that he was used to having his young disciple with him. Polycarp, always a bright student, had proved an ideal companion for this difficult work, asking just the right questions and exhibiting a contagious enthusiasm for every anecdote. John
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