Parenting the ADD Child: Can't Do? Won't Do? Practical Strategies for Managing Behaviour Problems in Children with ADD and ADHD by David Pentecost Page A
Authors: David Pentecost
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atmosphere
warm and nurturing. But also make sure the business is done and a
new agreement is reached that stops silly arguments and niggles.
• Get him to spend, spend, spend. It is a sign of success and an
incentive for him. As always, give him plenty of opportunities to
spend his `cash' and get rewards and privileges.
Frequently asked question
Q. `Do I use the same ideas with a younger child?'
A: Yes. The same rules apply. If you are using tokens, taking them away is
the way to spell out that some behaviours have to stop. Explain clearly why
you are doing this and what your child needs to do in the future to prevent
it.
FINAL TIP FOR SUCCESS
Don't forget, praise and recognition are powerful motivators. Take
every opportunity to praise your child. Changing is tough!
Hopefully this is second nature to you by now. But I thought I'd
mention it, just in case.
This chapter contains all you need to know in order to get your own way
with your child without resorting to threats, aggression, screaming or losing
your temper. It teaches you the effectiveness of the `Time Out' routine, which
will give you:
1. winning strategies for head-to-head confrontations
2. a clear procedure when flash-points occur.
Decide on your strategy
If you have ever felt on the brink of becoming uncontrollably violent with
your child (and who hasn't at some time?); if you have ever screamed abuse
and said things you felt guilty about afterwards; if you have ever felt you have
tried everything and have reached the end of your tether - then this chapter
is for you. Having a strategy to handle such situations is important, because
we are all prone to losing our temper when under a lot of stress. Parents
lashing out physically or verbally is especially confusing for ADD kids
because they are constantly being told to control themselves and be less
impulsive.
Throughout this programme there will be occasions when your child will
throw down an unmistakable challenge: 'I won't do it and you can't make
me.' This kind of defiance isn't unique to ADD children, but it is more common with them. At times like these your child requires a swift and
appropriate reminder that you are in charge.
By the way, I am not saying you should never smack a child under any
circumstances. I am a realist, not an evangelist, and there are occasions when
a smack can be appropriate. For instance, stopping a wilful toddler who
doesn't understand the danger of traffic with a swift smack on the hand
followed by a simple explanation is effective. But the fact that smacking
works in these circumstances does not mean it is suitable for the majority of
situations. If it looks like becoming your main method of trying to control
your child's behaviour, I suggest that something is going very wrong.
The Time Out approach
When a quick punishment is called for, I recommend a technique called
`Time Out'. Pretty soon, threatening Time Out will usually be enough to
stop bad behaviour.
Time Out can be used with any child between the ages of three and a half
and eight. Older children require different approaches that befit their
maturity and the complexity of their needs. Older children respond to
reasoning; they require options that respect their right to choose a course of
action and their ability to recognise the consequences. Withdrawal of
privileges and grounding them in a consistent and assertive way appear to be
the most effective methods.
For the appropriate age group Time Out should eventually deliver a
permanent change in your child's willingness to comply, which means that
frequent smacking can become a thing of the past. Families who try Time
Out usually adopt it as their main strategy for tantrums and defiance.
Time Out is particularly useful with ADD children because it works by
insisting they do the one thing they resist most - sitting still. However, it is
not an easy option at the beginning - it can actually be harder in
warm and nurturing. But also make sure the business is done and a
new agreement is reached that stops silly arguments and niggles.
• Get him to spend, spend, spend. It is a sign of success and an
incentive for him. As always, give him plenty of opportunities to
spend his `cash' and get rewards and privileges.
Frequently asked question
Q. `Do I use the same ideas with a younger child?'
A: Yes. The same rules apply. If you are using tokens, taking them away is
the way to spell out that some behaviours have to stop. Explain clearly why
you are doing this and what your child needs to do in the future to prevent
it.
FINAL TIP FOR SUCCESS
Don't forget, praise and recognition are powerful motivators. Take
every opportunity to praise your child. Changing is tough!
Hopefully this is second nature to you by now. But I thought I'd
mention it, just in case.
This chapter contains all you need to know in order to get your own way
with your child without resorting to threats, aggression, screaming or losing
your temper. It teaches you the effectiveness of the `Time Out' routine, which
will give you:
1. winning strategies for head-to-head confrontations
2. a clear procedure when flash-points occur.
Decide on your strategy
If you have ever felt on the brink of becoming uncontrollably violent with
your child (and who hasn't at some time?); if you have ever screamed abuse
and said things you felt guilty about afterwards; if you have ever felt you have
tried everything and have reached the end of your tether - then this chapter
is for you. Having a strategy to handle such situations is important, because
we are all prone to losing our temper when under a lot of stress. Parents
lashing out physically or verbally is especially confusing for ADD kids
because they are constantly being told to control themselves and be less
impulsive.
Throughout this programme there will be occasions when your child will
throw down an unmistakable challenge: 'I won't do it and you can't make
me.' This kind of defiance isn't unique to ADD children, but it is more common with them. At times like these your child requires a swift and
appropriate reminder that you are in charge.
By the way, I am not saying you should never smack a child under any
circumstances. I am a realist, not an evangelist, and there are occasions when
a smack can be appropriate. For instance, stopping a wilful toddler who
doesn't understand the danger of traffic with a swift smack on the hand
followed by a simple explanation is effective. But the fact that smacking
works in these circumstances does not mean it is suitable for the majority of
situations. If it looks like becoming your main method of trying to control
your child's behaviour, I suggest that something is going very wrong.
The Time Out approach
When a quick punishment is called for, I recommend a technique called
`Time Out'. Pretty soon, threatening Time Out will usually be enough to
stop bad behaviour.
Time Out can be used with any child between the ages of three and a half
and eight. Older children require different approaches that befit their
maturity and the complexity of their needs. Older children respond to
reasoning; they require options that respect their right to choose a course of
action and their ability to recognise the consequences. Withdrawal of
privileges and grounding them in a consistent and assertive way appear to be
the most effective methods.
For the appropriate age group Time Out should eventually deliver a
permanent change in your child's willingness to comply, which means that
frequent smacking can become a thing of the past. Families who try Time
Out usually adopt it as their main strategy for tantrums and defiance.
Time Out is particularly useful with ADD children because it works by
insisting they do the one thing they resist most - sitting still. However, it is
not an easy option at the beginning - it can actually be harder in
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