Parenting the ADD Child: Can't Do? Won't Do? Practical Strategies for Managing Behaviour Problems in Children with ADD and ADHD by David Pentecost
Authors: David Pentecost
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behaviour
keep the HPS in charge.
Targeting the `less-ofs'
Your HPS chart makes it clear that you encourage and reward the things your
child does more of. Now you must spell out the behaviours you want to see
less of or not at all. You know that nagging has never produced change, and
never will. Nagging is useless with ADD children, but the HPS combined
with your beefed-up skills of assertiveness will reap the rewards you are
looking for.
Key action 1 - list the `less-ofs'
Introduce `less-ofs' in the same way that you set up the HPS at the start, with
only `more-ofs'. So, first on a sheet of paper, make a list of less-ofs. Not too
many but enough to get started - say four or five. The same rules apply as
with more-ofs. Include only those behaviours that you are certain he or she is
capable of stopping if motivated. Things like:
Less-of behaviours
1. Interrupting me on the phone after I have warned you
once
2. Using the F word at any time
3. Punching your little brother at any time
4. Climbing over the fence into next-door's garden at any
time
5.-n
Be specific. So don't say things like `Stop being rude' or `Don't be immature'.
I know this is precisely what you do want, but this is our old enemy the vague
command. This kind of catch-all wording casts you as a dictator because you
haven't spelt out exactly what you want. This will alienate most kids. It
smacks of `I and I alone decide what rude or immature is', and from your
child's perspective it means you claim the right to make up the rules as you go
along.
To overcome this, list only those behaviours that are observable and
specific. For example, 'You will be in the house by four o'clock after school
unless you ring first.' And swap vague comments like 'Be polite to my
friends' for specific guidelines like 'Say hello when you answer the phone,
not "What?".'
Key action 2 - make the less-oft chart
Here is a new chart that I want you to draw up. Fill in the less-ofs column
with the items on your list.
Quite a daunting prospect for an ADD child, isn't it? So proceed with
caution.
TIPS FOR SUCCESS
• Let your child know why you are highlighting this
change-directed behaviour.
Keep the penalties low. You don't want him going massively into
debt - especially not at the start.
Key action 3 - put it all together
The final step is setting up a way of recording the balance at the end of the
day, after points have been earned and lost. See the chart below, which
combines the charts on pp.67, 70 and 122.
MORE TIPS FOR SUCCESS
• Reward immediately. Remember, behaviour that is reinforced
immediately has the best chance of being repeated. Recognise and
reinforce a positive behaviour right after it occurs, especially if it is
one that has been recently added to the chart. I know I've said this
before, but I can't overemphasise its importance.
Don't nag to get things done. Let the HPS do the work.
• Calculate points daily. Make time to go through the points earned,
lost or spent each day. Ensure that your child is there when you do
it. It's good for fairness. It's good for his arithmetic skills.
• No loans.
Don't fall into the trap of engaging in debates and deals to do with
the chart. ADD children are bright - they will frequently try to
talk you out of a fine and convince you that they did right and you
have got it wrong. Don't argue the toss and don't strike up
elaborate deals such as 'OK, not this time, but you must do twice
as much homework on Thursday to make up.' How would you keep track of all these extra demands, anyway? Stick to the rules
you agreed and take points away with no further discussion.
Avoid a lot of negativity about penalties by holding family
meetings to revise the chart - especially if there is a big issue to do
with a particular less-of behaviour. Have some fun. Appoint a
chairperson who can bring the meeting to order. Take minutes and
wear hats. Have a tea break with a treat to make the
keep the HPS in charge.
Targeting the `less-ofs'
Your HPS chart makes it clear that you encourage and reward the things your
child does more of. Now you must spell out the behaviours you want to see
less of or not at all. You know that nagging has never produced change, and
never will. Nagging is useless with ADD children, but the HPS combined
with your beefed-up skills of assertiveness will reap the rewards you are
looking for.
Key action 1 - list the `less-ofs'
Introduce `less-ofs' in the same way that you set up the HPS at the start, with
only `more-ofs'. So, first on a sheet of paper, make a list of less-ofs. Not too
many but enough to get started - say four or five. The same rules apply as
with more-ofs. Include only those behaviours that you are certain he or she is
capable of stopping if motivated. Things like:
Less-of behaviours
1. Interrupting me on the phone after I have warned you
once
2. Using the F word at any time
3. Punching your little brother at any time
4. Climbing over the fence into next-door's garden at any
time
5.-n
Be specific. So don't say things like `Stop being rude' or `Don't be immature'.
I know this is precisely what you do want, but this is our old enemy the vague
command. This kind of catch-all wording casts you as a dictator because you
haven't spelt out exactly what you want. This will alienate most kids. It
smacks of `I and I alone decide what rude or immature is', and from your
child's perspective it means you claim the right to make up the rules as you go
along.
To overcome this, list only those behaviours that are observable and
specific. For example, 'You will be in the house by four o'clock after school
unless you ring first.' And swap vague comments like 'Be polite to my
friends' for specific guidelines like 'Say hello when you answer the phone,
not "What?".'
Key action 2 - make the less-oft chart
Here is a new chart that I want you to draw up. Fill in the less-ofs column
with the items on your list.
Quite a daunting prospect for an ADD child, isn't it? So proceed with
caution.
TIPS FOR SUCCESS
• Let your child know why you are highlighting this
change-directed behaviour.
Keep the penalties low. You don't want him going massively into
debt - especially not at the start.
Key action 3 - put it all together
The final step is setting up a way of recording the balance at the end of the
day, after points have been earned and lost. See the chart below, which
combines the charts on pp.67, 70 and 122.
MORE TIPS FOR SUCCESS
• Reward immediately. Remember, behaviour that is reinforced
immediately has the best chance of being repeated. Recognise and
reinforce a positive behaviour right after it occurs, especially if it is
one that has been recently added to the chart. I know I've said this
before, but I can't overemphasise its importance.
Don't nag to get things done. Let the HPS do the work.
• Calculate points daily. Make time to go through the points earned,
lost or spent each day. Ensure that your child is there when you do
it. It's good for fairness. It's good for his arithmetic skills.
• No loans.
Don't fall into the trap of engaging in debates and deals to do with
the chart. ADD children are bright - they will frequently try to
talk you out of a fine and convince you that they did right and you
have got it wrong. Don't argue the toss and don't strike up
elaborate deals such as 'OK, not this time, but you must do twice
as much homework on Thursday to make up.' How would you keep track of all these extra demands, anyway? Stick to the rules
you agreed and take points away with no further discussion.
Avoid a lot of negativity about penalties by holding family
meetings to revise the chart - especially if there is a big issue to do
with a particular less-of behaviour. Have some fun. Appoint a
chairperson who can bring the meeting to order. Take minutes and
wear hats. Have a tea break with a treat to make the
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