words when she was wrapping up. ‘…and the best part of all, I’ll have to wear shoes, so I figured you’d like that.’
I glanced at her feet and noted the black heels she wore. She kicked them towards me playfully.
‘Yes, I know, but I do generally wear them all through the workday. This is just the first time you’ve seen me at lunch. So what do you think—shall we go bush tomorrow?’
‘Oh... yes... absolutely,’ I said. My words ran into one another, and she paused.
‘You don’t have to.’
‘No, I would love to. Honestly.’
‘You…’ The tiny wrinkle appeared between her eyes again. When she was angry or confused, or even concentrating hard, it seemed to come from nowhere, and it would disappear just as quickly when she smiled. ‘Is something wrong?’
‘Not a thing,’ I smiled and tried to reassure her. ‘Really. It’s a fantastic idea. I’ll charge my camera tonight. I’d love to bust it out again—it’s been years.’
‘Okay.’ She settled back in her chair, her gaze still on mine. ‘You’re sure you didn’t have other plans?’
‘Lilah, all I was hoping for this weekend was to spend some time with you,’ I said. ‘Honestly. And a walk in the mountains sounds perfect.’
‘Great, we can get up early and be there by about nine…’
And Lilah was off again, chattering excitedly about all of the possibilities of a day of trekking. After we’d eaten, she kissed me and disappeared back around the corner to her office, and I stayed for an extra coffee alone to try to pull myself back into orbit.
It occurred to me that when I’d stopped reaching for new things in my life, I’d effectively circumvented both risk and fear. And now that a new possibility had erupted right before my eyes, and I was fast becoming addicted to the drug that was my relationship with Lilah, I was exposed and vulnerable. So she’d called lunch to make plans this time—next time it could well be to remind me that she wasn’t looking for a relationship and to end whatever it was that was happening between us. If I was going to keep seeing her, I had to be prepared for that possibility. Already I had experienced firsthand the way that Lilah’s approach to life had her taking left turns and right turns without warning, jumping all over the place in the name of making the most of it . Who knew if, or when, she’d take a turn away from me?
Given that every single time I saw her I fell for her just a little more, I knew I had to make a decision. If I was going to keep seeing her, I had to accept that it was entirely possible that we might reach a point where my hopes for our relationship did not match hers.
I would proceed with my eyes wide open, and take the calculated risk. Just like Lilah walking on the beach at night with no shoes, I’d focus on enjoying the moment.
----
A new noodle bar had opened up on the Corso, and after we met at the wharf again that night, Lilah suggested we stop in for a quick meal. I’d ordered a laksa. Lilah stepped up to the counter to order when she noticed a canister of vegetable stock powder on the stainless-steel bench.
‘Your menu says no MSG,’ she frowned. ‘That brand has MSG added.’
‘MSG?’ I repeated.
‘Monosodium glutamate. It’s a fucking neurotoxin.’ Lilah’s voice was raised, ever so slightly, but the tone was ripe with disgust. The line of people behind us all quietened and I had a sudden feeling that I was about to witness some kind of explosion.
‘Lilah—’
‘The menu says no added MSG,’ the middle-aged woman behind the counter said flatly. ‘Small amounts may be present in some of the ingredients. If you’re allergic, I can leave the stock out.’
Lilah took a menu from the counter, opened it with force and slammed it in front of the woman.
‘ No MSG.’ Lilah read aloud. ‘You need to change your stock, or reprint these menus.’
‘Come on, Lilah,’ I tugged gently at her arm. ‘Let’s just leave,
I glanced at her feet and noted the black heels she wore. She kicked them towards me playfully.
‘Yes, I know, but I do generally wear them all through the workday. This is just the first time you’ve seen me at lunch. So what do you think—shall we go bush tomorrow?’
‘Oh... yes... absolutely,’ I said. My words ran into one another, and she paused.
‘You don’t have to.’
‘No, I would love to. Honestly.’
‘You…’ The tiny wrinkle appeared between her eyes again. When she was angry or confused, or even concentrating hard, it seemed to come from nowhere, and it would disappear just as quickly when she smiled. ‘Is something wrong?’
‘Not a thing,’ I smiled and tried to reassure her. ‘Really. It’s a fantastic idea. I’ll charge my camera tonight. I’d love to bust it out again—it’s been years.’
‘Okay.’ She settled back in her chair, her gaze still on mine. ‘You’re sure you didn’t have other plans?’
‘Lilah, all I was hoping for this weekend was to spend some time with you,’ I said. ‘Honestly. And a walk in the mountains sounds perfect.’
‘Great, we can get up early and be there by about nine…’
And Lilah was off again, chattering excitedly about all of the possibilities of a day of trekking. After we’d eaten, she kissed me and disappeared back around the corner to her office, and I stayed for an extra coffee alone to try to pull myself back into orbit.
It occurred to me that when I’d stopped reaching for new things in my life, I’d effectively circumvented both risk and fear. And now that a new possibility had erupted right before my eyes, and I was fast becoming addicted to the drug that was my relationship with Lilah, I was exposed and vulnerable. So she’d called lunch to make plans this time—next time it could well be to remind me that she wasn’t looking for a relationship and to end whatever it was that was happening between us. If I was going to keep seeing her, I had to be prepared for that possibility. Already I had experienced firsthand the way that Lilah’s approach to life had her taking left turns and right turns without warning, jumping all over the place in the name of making the most of it . Who knew if, or when, she’d take a turn away from me?
Given that every single time I saw her I fell for her just a little more, I knew I had to make a decision. If I was going to keep seeing her, I had to accept that it was entirely possible that we might reach a point where my hopes for our relationship did not match hers.
I would proceed with my eyes wide open, and take the calculated risk. Just like Lilah walking on the beach at night with no shoes, I’d focus on enjoying the moment.
----
A new noodle bar had opened up on the Corso, and after we met at the wharf again that night, Lilah suggested we stop in for a quick meal. I’d ordered a laksa. Lilah stepped up to the counter to order when she noticed a canister of vegetable stock powder on the stainless-steel bench.
‘Your menu says no MSG,’ she frowned. ‘That brand has MSG added.’
‘MSG?’ I repeated.
‘Monosodium glutamate. It’s a fucking neurotoxin.’ Lilah’s voice was raised, ever so slightly, but the tone was ripe with disgust. The line of people behind us all quietened and I had a sudden feeling that I was about to witness some kind of explosion.
‘Lilah—’
‘The menu says no added MSG,’ the middle-aged woman behind the counter said flatly. ‘Small amounts may be present in some of the ingredients. If you’re allergic, I can leave the stock out.’
Lilah took a menu from the counter, opened it with force and slammed it in front of the woman.
‘ No MSG.’ Lilah read aloud. ‘You need to change your stock, or reprint these menus.’
‘Come on, Lilah,’ I tugged gently at her arm. ‘Let’s just leave,
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