to her home now, Faith knew there was a motive, and wanting to make up for lost time, or bequeathing them some generous gift, was not going to be it. Not even close. The truth wasâno matter how much she complained about themâshe couldnât let her sisters face that woman alone.
She had enough guilt over abandoning her sisters. At least that was Hopeâs version of what Faith had done to them. To this day there was this hurt, Why-did-you-leave-us? look in Hopeâs eyes. What was she supposed to say? She was their sister, not their mother. Yes, sheâd taken on that role, but could she really be expected to carry it on forever? Didnât she have a right to live her life? Besides. It had all happened so fast. One summer. One summer had completely changed the trajectory of her entire life. That magic number seventeen. Seventeen-year-olds shouldnât hold the power to make life-changing decisions, but thatâs what happened when you didnât have parents. She loved her mother, but Carla Garland could not be called a parent.
There was so much about Faithâs life that sheâd kept hidden from her sisters. Not out of spite, but to protect them. Sheâd always wished she would have had an older sister to look out after her . Tell her everything would be all right. Back then Hope was so sensitive to change, so clingy, but Joy was independent. Faith knew Joy was going to be all right without her. And Hope was just going to have to learn. Faith didnât have a choice, she needed to look out for herself for once. It was just one night, one kiss. And it changed everything.
The barking of seals brought her back to the present. Stephen was watching her. She flushed as if he knew everything sheâd been thinking.
âWhat?â
âYou three should go,â Stephen said. âMy mom will understand.â
I was already going. You just have to act like itâs your idea. âThank you.â
âBut you canât bring Charlie.â He spit out the name with the usual emphasis and sarcasm. âThatâs my only rule.â
My God. Who did he think she was? Why in the world would she want to drag Charlie into this? âYou know I wouldnât do that.â
âI really donât,â he said. âDo I?â Just then, as Faith was watching and Stephen was shooting her with another little stinger, Josh turned and looked directly at her. He looks sad. Fifteen didnât seem to be an age he was enjoying. Was there any way that he knew about Charlie? No, it wasnât possible. She and Stephen had gone to great lengths not to let on. What was happening to her sweet little boy? He used to be a mamaâs boy. Always clinging to her. He was shy, and sweet, and thin and scrawny. He wasnât going to be a jock or the leading man. That filled her with pain for him. But he seemed content to be smart and kind. That is, until this year. The change that had come over him was so startling. Usually sullen, and sometimes angry. And then last month sheâd actually walked in on him after heâd taken a few test swipes to his wrist with a razor. And although he had sworn up and down he was just goofing around, that maneuver had landed him in weekly psychotherapy. Faith was even more unsure now about splitting up. She loved Charlie, but Josh took priority. Faith couldnât help but feel like she was being punished somehow. As if she shouldnât dare to be happy.
Not that she had gone about it in the right way. But was there a right way to fall in love with someone outside of your marriage? If she had been honest, truly honest with herself, she never should have married Stephen. Was she supposed to just swallow those choices now for the sake of her children? Wouldnât it be better for them to have a happy mother?
âItâs hormones,â Stephen said, watching her watch their son. âI was like that too.â
âDid you try to slit your
C. J. Cherryh
Learning to Kill: Stories
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