validate some bullshit sham of a marriage. Then a little alarm went off in my head.
“You already said yes to him. Didn’t you?”
She didn’t breathe, didn’t even blink.
I slammed my hand down on the bar. “Undo it. Blame it on whatever he fed you from his little man-bag. I saw him give you a pill. Tell him you’re on the rag, outta your damn mind. I don’t care. Think of something. Seriously, do you love that guy? Do you even like him?”
“Everyone loves Kendol.”
“That’s it? That’s all you got? If you’re going to marry this clown, the answer I’m looking for is yes.”
“I like myself when I’m with him.”
“Oh, come on, Lily. You like the way you look when you’re with him. He’s a good catch, right? And he’s easy because you don’t love him. Well, I got news for you, sister, he doesn’t love you, either.”
I stared her down. She didn’t respond.
“But it’s different with Ash, isn’t it? Tell me the truth. Does she eat you alive?”
Lily shook her head and gave me the weakest argument she possibly could. “You’re wrong, Rorke. Kendol is attractive, and he’s creative and intelligent—”
“And wealthy. And famous. And gay. He’s gay, Lily. A gay man gave you a pill and proposed to you. And you know what else, you’re gay, Lily. Do you see the theme here?”
“He loves me!”
“You’re both a couple of bearded ladies!”
“I’m not,” she insisted. She even pushed her little chin out. The gesture was so forced it sucked all the air outta my bubble, and I just stood there, deflated.
“Well, I guess we’ll find out, won’t we?” I said.
She frowned, crossed her arms and turned away from me like a child.
“When he’s not selling pictures of your face anymore, or talking you up to rock stars, and you’re just the little wifey, then will you still like yourself when you’re with him? Will that be enough for you? I’d be willing to bet his big empty house gets lonely.”
She sighed. I went on.
“I knew him before he was famous. In fact, I’ve known Kendol since he was… Wait. Do you even know his real name, or did you just assume you’d become Lily Strike?”
“I don’t need your permission,” she said. “There’s a lot you don’t know.”
“I thought you were after the truth.”
She eyed me again. Her lips pressed into a line.
“Well?” I said.
“Have you ever heard that if you dream something more than once it comes true? Maybe not exactly the way you dreamed it, but some manifestation?”
“If you tell me you dreamed you’re supposed to marry Kendol, I’m done with this conversation.”
And just as I said it I heard something.
The sound floated into my head underneath the bar noise. Somebody was singing “Broken Days,” and it chilled me to the core.
“No, it’s not that, Rorke. I’ll tell you, but please don’t laugh, okay?”
All I could think was, who the hell is singing?
I looked up at the booth. Chance had just kicked on another fast song and walked away from the board. He was talking to some newbie who was clearly using the request list as an excuse to try and nail him. Then I looked over at my crew. They were all absorbed in each other. Nobody was fucking singing. But there it was in my head.
Lily reached for my arm and said, “Please listen, Rorke. It won’t take long. I promise.”
“I can’t,” I said. I pulled away from her. “I need to, I don’t know, breathe for a minute.” For the first time I was scared I’d finally pickled the last of my gray matter.
She sighed at me.
I poured her a glass of Malbec and set in on a bar nap with a cherry. That made her smile. She slipped the cherry in her mouth, kicked off her shoes, and tucked her feet up like a little girl.
I tried to find my hands something to do other than shake, like wiping down the liquor bottles. It was either that, or grab a steak knife and swat some invisible bees.
“I don’t think I’d have a very good time in Heaven,
“You already said yes to him. Didn’t you?”
She didn’t breathe, didn’t even blink.
I slammed my hand down on the bar. “Undo it. Blame it on whatever he fed you from his little man-bag. I saw him give you a pill. Tell him you’re on the rag, outta your damn mind. I don’t care. Think of something. Seriously, do you love that guy? Do you even like him?”
“Everyone loves Kendol.”
“That’s it? That’s all you got? If you’re going to marry this clown, the answer I’m looking for is yes.”
“I like myself when I’m with him.”
“Oh, come on, Lily. You like the way you look when you’re with him. He’s a good catch, right? And he’s easy because you don’t love him. Well, I got news for you, sister, he doesn’t love you, either.”
I stared her down. She didn’t respond.
“But it’s different with Ash, isn’t it? Tell me the truth. Does she eat you alive?”
Lily shook her head and gave me the weakest argument she possibly could. “You’re wrong, Rorke. Kendol is attractive, and he’s creative and intelligent—”
“And wealthy. And famous. And gay. He’s gay, Lily. A gay man gave you a pill and proposed to you. And you know what else, you’re gay, Lily. Do you see the theme here?”
“He loves me!”
“You’re both a couple of bearded ladies!”
“I’m not,” she insisted. She even pushed her little chin out. The gesture was so forced it sucked all the air outta my bubble, and I just stood there, deflated.
“Well, I guess we’ll find out, won’t we?” I said.
She frowned, crossed her arms and turned away from me like a child.
“When he’s not selling pictures of your face anymore, or talking you up to rock stars, and you’re just the little wifey, then will you still like yourself when you’re with him? Will that be enough for you? I’d be willing to bet his big empty house gets lonely.”
She sighed. I went on.
“I knew him before he was famous. In fact, I’ve known Kendol since he was… Wait. Do you even know his real name, or did you just assume you’d become Lily Strike?”
“I don’t need your permission,” she said. “There’s a lot you don’t know.”
“I thought you were after the truth.”
She eyed me again. Her lips pressed into a line.
“Well?” I said.
“Have you ever heard that if you dream something more than once it comes true? Maybe not exactly the way you dreamed it, but some manifestation?”
“If you tell me you dreamed you’re supposed to marry Kendol, I’m done with this conversation.”
And just as I said it I heard something.
The sound floated into my head underneath the bar noise. Somebody was singing “Broken Days,” and it chilled me to the core.
“No, it’s not that, Rorke. I’ll tell you, but please don’t laugh, okay?”
All I could think was, who the hell is singing?
I looked up at the booth. Chance had just kicked on another fast song and walked away from the board. He was talking to some newbie who was clearly using the request list as an excuse to try and nail him. Then I looked over at my crew. They were all absorbed in each other. Nobody was fucking singing. But there it was in my head.
Lily reached for my arm and said, “Please listen, Rorke. It won’t take long. I promise.”
“I can’t,” I said. I pulled away from her. “I need to, I don’t know, breathe for a minute.” For the first time I was scared I’d finally pickled the last of my gray matter.
She sighed at me.
I poured her a glass of Malbec and set in on a bar nap with a cherry. That made her smile. She slipped the cherry in her mouth, kicked off her shoes, and tucked her feet up like a little girl.
I tried to find my hands something to do other than shake, like wiping down the liquor bottles. It was either that, or grab a steak knife and swat some invisible bees.
“I don’t think I’d have a very good time in Heaven,
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