Helluva Luxe by Natalie Essary Page A

Rorke,” she said. “Not the white one up in the clouds, anyway.”
    “I’m glad to hear it, hon. Because they probably won’t let your sneaky little ass through the gates.”
    “That’s not what I mean. I saw it in my dream.”
    “Drink your milk,” I said.
    “It’s not a big deal, Rorke.” She gave me a teasing smile. She seemed so sound all the sudden. Then she cocked her head like she had me figured out. “Oh my god, you’re superstitious about death, aren’t you?”
    “Bite me.”
    “You are!” She started laughing. “It’s not what I would expect from the big, bad bartender.”
    She eyed me some more and fingered her wine glass.
    “My dream is about me dying, silly. Not you,” she said. And she seemed totally okay with that.
    “Lily, you freak, is that supposed to make me feel better?”
    “I don’t know what it means exactly, but I get the feeling I don’t belong in capital-H heaven. Not the one that’s run by a man, anyway. And not because I’m a great big sinner, either. That’s just nonsense.”
    “Okay, I’ll bite. What else?”
    “In my dream the angels send me away because my heaven is meant to be somewhere else. They gather together, and they give me fairy wings, and tiny feet, and a handful of stars. They chant in whispers. I’m not sure what they say, but it sounds beautiful. And then I fall. It doesn’t hurt when I land, and I still have my wings and my stars. And some kickass purple lip gloss, by the way. Don’t you see, Rorke? The Luxe is my Heaven. I belong here. Forever. I’ll always be part of this bar. So as long as Ash is here, we can’t be separated.”
    “Kendol must be giving you some really good shit.”
    “I’m not a coward,” she insisted. “I know that’s what you think of me, that I don’t want people to see me with a woman, but you’re wrong.”
    “That’s what it looks like from the outside, Lily.”
    “When has she ever said that she loves me?”
    I bit my lip.
    “When?” she demanded.
    “She shows you every day. If I can see it, why can’t you?”
    “It’s not enough. Kendol says he loves me. He says it all the time. He doesn’t make me feel crazy the way she does.”
    “Thank you. That’s my point, right there. That last thing you just said. Do you want to hear about love or do you want to feel it?”
    “Fire in the pit of your stomach is not pleasant. Jealousy and anxiety and complete loss of control are not pleasant.”
    Suddenly, everything was a little too clear.
    “You’ve never been in love. Have you, Lily?”
    She scowled at me like a child.
    “I’m right. Damn, girl, I think I missed my calling as a palm reader.”
    “Wanna borrow my glowing orb?” She winked at me. “You just can’t drop it, though, okay?”
    “Lily, please don’t marry him. Tell him you made a mistake.”
    “I can’t,” she said. “I have to follow this through. You’ll come to understand. I promise.”
    And that’s when I looked up and saw Ash in the shadow at the bottom of the stairs. There’s no way she could have heard us over the music. Or at least that’s what I told myself. Over and over again.
    Lily saw her, too.
    “Give me a rag,” she said. “I’ll help you out.”
    “Really, no. I’ve got it covered.”
    “Give me the damn rag!”
    Ash crossed the dance floor and disappeared.
    Lily whispered, “Do you think she heard me?”
    “No, I don’t. Her head would have burst into flame if she heard you say you’re getting married. What the fuck, Lily? You gotta tell her yourself. She can’t just find out by some random accident. Seriously, did someone not assemble your soul at birth? You’re gonna lose everything. You’re fucking gonna lose everything.”
    She blinked at me. Her lip started to tremble.
    “I told you,” she said. “Ash will always be mine.”
    “You can’t have both of them, Lily. You gotta let one of them go. Please.”
    “I know you think I’m a selfish bitch,” she said. “But I need more time. I