hasnât had a chance to fill out her menu choices yet. Here, you can talk to the Director of Nutrition and fill out her meal choices, and it wonât ever happen again.
So the Director of Nutrition is wheeled in: a surprisingly corporate man in a pressed polo shirt. He gives me a stack of forms with choices for things like prunes or fruit cocktail, eggs boiled or scrambled and what kind of toast. Iâm looking at it and I am trying hard to think, Iâm really trying to focus: What would Ma want?
And now I know exactly how Sam must have felt, staring and staring at the computer, frozen stiff, blocked. I put the menus on the desk.
âIâm sorry, I think maybe I need medication . I canât do this.
And they look at me with great compassion but no idea what to say. They must have seen this a million times.
So I get up and I walk like a zombie out past Mrs. Martinelli, who stops as I go by, trying to figure out where sheâs seen me before.
I go home and lie down for a while and call Colette for the millionth time, and we decide the thing to do is to call that Michael guy with the hopefully not light-fingered people who help you at home because thatâs what Ma wants: to make a polite departure from this lovely facility, and be in her own home while sheâs going through all this. And David says, of course, you donât need medication, this is just like when the twins were born, you will be all right, youâre figuring out how to make this work, itâs just that this all matters so much and you care so much. I know you can do this; Iâm coming home soon.
Okay.
We got through that. And now weâll try this.
Yes. I can do this. Yes.
8.
Subject: Items
On March 12, 2007 wrote:
Dear Siblings,
Donât mind me, I just need to get something out of my system.
Till now, Maâs actually been pretty decent about asking me to pick things up for her. She usually gives me some warning and says not to worry, just get it when I have time. Now that weâre in the third week of radiation, sheâs becoming desperate and lunging at anything she can think of to ease the discomfort. We have reached this frantic stage where sheâs not able to be considerate, and it seems like there is no way to win.
⢠   Item: Calming Pills
She called her acupuncturist, Bella, to ask for more homeopathic Calming Pills to help her sleep. Bella told her she would order them and would call when they came in, hopefully Friday. Ma calls me on Friday without checking with Bella, and tells me Bella has the pills and can you pick them up. I go to Bellaâs. No pills. No Bella. I leave Bella a message and she calls me later to tell me she told Ma she wasnât sure about Friday and she will call when they come in. I hear nothing more about the pills, including from Ma who doesnât appear to mind that she doesnât have them because she never mentions them again.
⢠   Item: Triple X Ointment
A home health aide told her it would help with the burning. Radiation burns the skin, as we know, and weâre all very glad the radiation nurses talked Ma out of using Holy Oil to heal the burns because now she has stopped basting herself like a turkey before getting roasted. Itâs time to try Triple X Ointment, and at the drugstore there was a small package and a large one. I got the small and told Ma if she liked it I would get the large. We went through this whole big thing about trying it and she decided it was marvelous so I later got her the big box. Marvelous marvelous.
⢠   Item: Bras
Ma said her bras were wearing out. This should have been easy because I knew what bra she had -- I introduced it to her. I said do you want the same size and what is it because I am going to the mall tomorrow. We checked her bra and noted the size. The mall doesnât have this bra anymore, I discovered, but this was okay because I
So the Director of Nutrition is wheeled in: a surprisingly corporate man in a pressed polo shirt. He gives me a stack of forms with choices for things like prunes or fruit cocktail, eggs boiled or scrambled and what kind of toast. Iâm looking at it and I am trying hard to think, Iâm really trying to focus: What would Ma want?
And now I know exactly how Sam must have felt, staring and staring at the computer, frozen stiff, blocked. I put the menus on the desk.
âIâm sorry, I think maybe I need medication . I canât do this.
And they look at me with great compassion but no idea what to say. They must have seen this a million times.
So I get up and I walk like a zombie out past Mrs. Martinelli, who stops as I go by, trying to figure out where sheâs seen me before.
I go home and lie down for a while and call Colette for the millionth time, and we decide the thing to do is to call that Michael guy with the hopefully not light-fingered people who help you at home because thatâs what Ma wants: to make a polite departure from this lovely facility, and be in her own home while sheâs going through all this. And David says, of course, you donât need medication, this is just like when the twins were born, you will be all right, youâre figuring out how to make this work, itâs just that this all matters so much and you care so much. I know you can do this; Iâm coming home soon.
Okay.
We got through that. And now weâll try this.
Yes. I can do this. Yes.
8.
Subject: Items
On March 12, 2007
Dear Siblings,
Donât mind me, I just need to get something out of my system.
Till now, Maâs actually been pretty decent about asking me to pick things up for her. She usually gives me some warning and says not to worry, just get it when I have time. Now that weâre in the third week of radiation, sheâs becoming desperate and lunging at anything she can think of to ease the discomfort. We have reached this frantic stage where sheâs not able to be considerate, and it seems like there is no way to win.
⢠   Item: Calming Pills
She called her acupuncturist, Bella, to ask for more homeopathic Calming Pills to help her sleep. Bella told her she would order them and would call when they came in, hopefully Friday. Ma calls me on Friday without checking with Bella, and tells me Bella has the pills and can you pick them up. I go to Bellaâs. No pills. No Bella. I leave Bella a message and she calls me later to tell me she told Ma she wasnât sure about Friday and she will call when they come in. I hear nothing more about the pills, including from Ma who doesnât appear to mind that she doesnât have them because she never mentions them again.
⢠   Item: Triple X Ointment
A home health aide told her it would help with the burning. Radiation burns the skin, as we know, and weâre all very glad the radiation nurses talked Ma out of using Holy Oil to heal the burns because now she has stopped basting herself like a turkey before getting roasted. Itâs time to try Triple X Ointment, and at the drugstore there was a small package and a large one. I got the small and told Ma if she liked it I would get the large. We went through this whole big thing about trying it and she decided it was marvelous so I later got her the big box. Marvelous marvelous.
⢠   Item: Bras
Ma said her bras were wearing out. This should have been easy because I knew what bra she had -- I introduced it to her. I said do you want the same size and what is it because I am going to the mall tomorrow. We checked her bra and noted the size. The mall doesnât have this bra anymore, I discovered, but this was okay because I
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