   Item: Bubble ice packs
This is the best description I can get from Ma:
âYou get them at CVS and dip them in hot water and they become ice packs.
She also wants some of my ice cubes from home because she has run out and she needs to put them directly on her tail, because it turns out she is allergic to the Triple X Ointment after all. And she is allergic to the Kleenex in the neutral boxes because the Kleenex inside the boxes is beige and she is allergic to beige . She has welts all over herself and she describes them to me in minute detail:
âThere are enormous bumps in the creases that turn into bubbles and --
âStop, Ma. Call the doctor.
If she werenât so sure she was allergic to Benadryl, I would recommend that. I pray to God that she doesnât ask me to pick up Allergy Pills at Bellaâs. After the wild goose chase for Calming Pills, I would like to skip Bellaâs for a few days.
⢠   Item: Moist Wipes
I got her four boxes last week.
Today is my day to pay bills. It takes about five hours and I can usually run one little errand, but I prefer just to focus on the bills or I will make a horrible mistake. But Ma is having a toilet paper emergency and an ice cube emergency. So. Also there is no rush, but the olive oil I dropped off yesterday is perfect for the lamps but not for cooking, can she have a small bottle of Extra Virgin, as well?
I print up info about colostomy for her to study in preparation for the meeting with Surgeon Pete in two weeks. Maybe she will be so busy reading pages and pages that she will fall asleep or be too tired to call and ask me to pick things up for her.
I look through the bills before going out on this quick errand. A bill has arrived from Bella for the Calming Pills. I call Ma to find out if she got them somehow. No, she says. I call Bella, who says she dropped them off with the doorman more than a week ago. I wondered all this time why Ma was not complaining about wanting Calming Pills anymore. It appears that Ma has simply not noticed that they were dropped off, and neglected to process the evidence in front of her nose: She had plenty of Calming Pills all along, despite the fact that she asked me to pick them up ages ago and I didnât.
I put the ice cubes in a cooler in the back of the car so they will last while I am at Superfresh getting the emergency toilet paper, the olive oil, and some garlic. I arrive at Superfresh after failing to get the bubble ice packs at CVS. I have asked two pharmacists and called Ma, but CVS does not know what we are talking about. I call and get Maâs machine and tell it I am giving up on the bubble ice packs.
I go to Superfresh. In the parking lot, David calls to tell me that Ma has called to say stop looking for the bubble ice packs. I do not need this direction, but okay, I will continue to not look for the bubble ice packs. I get everything else, and pause by the Moist Wipes. But I think nah , she just got four boxes last week and she knows Iâm at the store, she canât have run out.
When I arrive with the garlic and olive oil, fifty rolls of toilet paper, money to pay the housekeeper, the pages and pages of colostomy info, a bag of ice, and a big blue bottle of her cancer tea, I go in the closet to unload the toilet paper. There is a full, unopened package in there already. Not only that but it looks a teensy bit different than the kind I brought. (Americaâs Choice Plush versus Americaâs Choice Super Plush or something, oh, darn, I literally bought tons of the stuff, oh, scheitzenheimer .)
I put the ice in the freezer and Iâm kind of pissed, so I pick this moment to not very nicely tell Ma we have to work on our system here because it feels like I am getting nowhere.
âI canât help it; I donât need to hear this I am in great distress (she is; itâs a fact).
I say I am sorry she is in distress, but getting me to run around buying her
This is the best description I can get from Ma:
âYou get them at CVS and dip them in hot water and they become ice packs.
She also wants some of my ice cubes from home because she has run out and she needs to put them directly on her tail, because it turns out she is allergic to the Triple X Ointment after all. And she is allergic to the Kleenex in the neutral boxes because the Kleenex inside the boxes is beige and she is allergic to beige . She has welts all over herself and she describes them to me in minute detail:
âThere are enormous bumps in the creases that turn into bubbles and --
âStop, Ma. Call the doctor.
If she werenât so sure she was allergic to Benadryl, I would recommend that. I pray to God that she doesnât ask me to pick up Allergy Pills at Bellaâs. After the wild goose chase for Calming Pills, I would like to skip Bellaâs for a few days.
⢠   Item: Moist Wipes
I got her four boxes last week.
Today is my day to pay bills. It takes about five hours and I can usually run one little errand, but I prefer just to focus on the bills or I will make a horrible mistake. But Ma is having a toilet paper emergency and an ice cube emergency. So. Also there is no rush, but the olive oil I dropped off yesterday is perfect for the lamps but not for cooking, can she have a small bottle of Extra Virgin, as well?
I print up info about colostomy for her to study in preparation for the meeting with Surgeon Pete in two weeks. Maybe she will be so busy reading pages and pages that she will fall asleep or be too tired to call and ask me to pick things up for her.
I look through the bills before going out on this quick errand. A bill has arrived from Bella for the Calming Pills. I call Ma to find out if she got them somehow. No, she says. I call Bella, who says she dropped them off with the doorman more than a week ago. I wondered all this time why Ma was not complaining about wanting Calming Pills anymore. It appears that Ma has simply not noticed that they were dropped off, and neglected to process the evidence in front of her nose: She had plenty of Calming Pills all along, despite the fact that she asked me to pick them up ages ago and I didnât.
I put the ice cubes in a cooler in the back of the car so they will last while I am at Superfresh getting the emergency toilet paper, the olive oil, and some garlic. I arrive at Superfresh after failing to get the bubble ice packs at CVS. I have asked two pharmacists and called Ma, but CVS does not know what we are talking about. I call and get Maâs machine and tell it I am giving up on the bubble ice packs.
I go to Superfresh. In the parking lot, David calls to tell me that Ma has called to say stop looking for the bubble ice packs. I do not need this direction, but okay, I will continue to not look for the bubble ice packs. I get everything else, and pause by the Moist Wipes. But I think nah , she just got four boxes last week and she knows Iâm at the store, she canât have run out.
When I arrive with the garlic and olive oil, fifty rolls of toilet paper, money to pay the housekeeper, the pages and pages of colostomy info, a bag of ice, and a big blue bottle of her cancer tea, I go in the closet to unload the toilet paper. There is a full, unopened package in there already. Not only that but it looks a teensy bit different than the kind I brought. (Americaâs Choice Plush versus Americaâs Choice Super Plush or something, oh, darn, I literally bought tons of the stuff, oh, scheitzenheimer .)
I put the ice in the freezer and Iâm kind of pissed, so I pick this moment to not very nicely tell Ma we have to work on our system here because it feels like I am getting nowhere.
âI canât help it; I donât need to hear this I am in great distress (she is; itâs a fact).
I say I am sorry she is in distress, but getting me to run around buying her
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