longer. I waited for her by the front entrance. Her mom dropped her off two minutes before the first bell rang, so I didn’t have any time to talk to her. It was unusually warm but still she wore a coat over a hooded sweatshirt and jeans, like she was hiking through the woods and worried about ticks.
I took her hand as we walked into school and she let me. We hadn’t walked more than fifteen feet toward her locker when Ani suddenly stilled. She glanced at people on both sides of the hallway, then slowly turned to face me. Her mouth pursed and she released my hand.
“They know? Did you say something?” she hissed.
“No.”
“But they know?”
I nodded and tried to read the emotions crossing her face. The only one I recognized for sure was fear. I tried to wrap my arms around her, but she stepped back from me.
“You could have told me. I would have been more prepared.”
I opened my mouth to answer but was interrupted by Morgan and her posse of girlfriends.
“Hey, Firecrotch, do you need to borrow a lighter?” Morgan stood in front of us with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face.
“You cunt.” I took a step to go after her, but Ani put her hand on my shoulder and shook her head. Morgan lifted her eyebrows and turned away, whispering something I couldn’t hear to her bitchy friends. The other girls giggled.
“Do you want to get out of here?” I said to Ani in a low voice, the echo of mean-girl laughter ringing in my ears.
“Where would I go? My mom’s not going to let me skip school.”
I tried to take her hand again, but she loosened her grip and wrapped her arms around herself. Almost like she was hugging herself, a little kid keeping monsters away. It tore through me. Sliced at my insides until the food I’d forced down from breakfast threatened to hurl out of me.
“What are they saying, Ben? Tell me what you’ve heard. Everything.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head.
“I’m gonna find out anyway. What am I in for? Tell me.”
I pulled her to the side of the hallway and glanced around to make sure no one could hear us. Every pair of eyes that passed flicked over Ani in derision or pity. I cupped her face in my hands and was glad she didn’t pull away this time.
“Listen, I love you and I know you’re going to get past this. It doesn’t matter what they’re saying. I’ll go up against all these bitches if you want me to.”
“Tell me.” Her voice sounded hard.
I let out a deep breath. “They’re saying you got off with a lighter in front of a bunch of guys.”
Ani reared back. I pulled her into an embrace, but she stood frozen like a board. I ran my fingers along her shoulders, trying to knead out the tension. Her arms stayed at her sides, her fingers curling into the sleeves of her sweatshirt.
A guy in a basketball shirt moved closer to us. “Hey, Firecrotch, when’s your next show scheduled?”
Ani started to shake and I pushed her to the side to get my hands on the guy. I slammed him against a locker and started to pummel him. My fists kept finding places to attack. His blood covered my hands and shirt but I didn’t care. He might have hit me back, but I didn’t feel anything except relief at finally releasing my anger. Pound. Harder. Pound.
I heard Ani’s voice scream at me to stop, but it was a faraway plea, nothing like the immediacy of hearing cartilage crunch beneath my knuckles. I couldn’t stop, it felt too good. From the corner of my eye, I saw Ani slump to the floor, hugging her legs tightly and burying her face in her knees. My hands hurt, but I kept swinging until someone pulled me off the guy. He was moaning and I tried to kick him one more time, but I was too far away. I gathered saliva in my mouth and spit on him.
A driver’s ed teacher escorted me to the main office, where I sat motionless as the guidance counselor talked at me. I said nothing, just stared at my bloody hands opening and closing, wishing for another fight.
They gave me a
I took her hand as we walked into school and she let me. We hadn’t walked more than fifteen feet toward her locker when Ani suddenly stilled. She glanced at people on both sides of the hallway, then slowly turned to face me. Her mouth pursed and she released my hand.
“They know? Did you say something?” she hissed.
“No.”
“But they know?”
I nodded and tried to read the emotions crossing her face. The only one I recognized for sure was fear. I tried to wrap my arms around her, but she stepped back from me.
“You could have told me. I would have been more prepared.”
I opened my mouth to answer but was interrupted by Morgan and her posse of girlfriends.
“Hey, Firecrotch, do you need to borrow a lighter?” Morgan stood in front of us with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face.
“You cunt.” I took a step to go after her, but Ani put her hand on my shoulder and shook her head. Morgan lifted her eyebrows and turned away, whispering something I couldn’t hear to her bitchy friends. The other girls giggled.
“Do you want to get out of here?” I said to Ani in a low voice, the echo of mean-girl laughter ringing in my ears.
“Where would I go? My mom’s not going to let me skip school.”
I tried to take her hand again, but she loosened her grip and wrapped her arms around herself. Almost like she was hugging herself, a little kid keeping monsters away. It tore through me. Sliced at my insides until the food I’d forced down from breakfast threatened to hurl out of me.
“What are they saying, Ben? Tell me what you’ve heard. Everything.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head.
“I’m gonna find out anyway. What am I in for? Tell me.”
I pulled her to the side of the hallway and glanced around to make sure no one could hear us. Every pair of eyes that passed flicked over Ani in derision or pity. I cupped her face in my hands and was glad she didn’t pull away this time.
“Listen, I love you and I know you’re going to get past this. It doesn’t matter what they’re saying. I’ll go up against all these bitches if you want me to.”
“Tell me.” Her voice sounded hard.
I let out a deep breath. “They’re saying you got off with a lighter in front of a bunch of guys.”
Ani reared back. I pulled her into an embrace, but she stood frozen like a board. I ran my fingers along her shoulders, trying to knead out the tension. Her arms stayed at her sides, her fingers curling into the sleeves of her sweatshirt.
A guy in a basketball shirt moved closer to us. “Hey, Firecrotch, when’s your next show scheduled?”
Ani started to shake and I pushed her to the side to get my hands on the guy. I slammed him against a locker and started to pummel him. My fists kept finding places to attack. His blood covered my hands and shirt but I didn’t care. He might have hit me back, but I didn’t feel anything except relief at finally releasing my anger. Pound. Harder. Pound.
I heard Ani’s voice scream at me to stop, but it was a faraway plea, nothing like the immediacy of hearing cartilage crunch beneath my knuckles. I couldn’t stop, it felt too good. From the corner of my eye, I saw Ani slump to the floor, hugging her legs tightly and burying her face in her knees. My hands hurt, but I kept swinging until someone pulled me off the guy. He was moaning and I tried to kick him one more time, but I was too far away. I gathered saliva in my mouth and spit on him.
A driver’s ed teacher escorted me to the main office, where I sat motionless as the guidance counselor talked at me. I said nothing, just stared at my bloody hands opening and closing, wishing for another fight.
They gave me a
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