Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry, Jean Greaves, Patrick Lencioni Page A
Book: Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry, Jean Greaves, Patrick Lencioni
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feet calm or fidgety? The body communicates nonstop and is an abundant source of information, so purposefully watch body language during meetings, friendly encounters, and first introductions. Once you tune into body language, its messages will become loud and clear, and you’ll soon notice cues and be able to call someone’s bluff.
Make Timing Everything
You’ve probably heard the phrase “timing is everything” to explain hundreds of situations and scenarios. When dealing with people and their emotions, timing really is everything. You don’t ask for a raise when business is not going well, you don’t try to correct someone who feels threatened by you, and you don’t ask for a favor when someone is under a lot of stress or angry.
To practice your timing as it relates to social awareness, start working on your timing with asking questions. The goal is to ask the right questions at the right time with the right frame of mind, all with your audience in mind.
Just think about how it would go over if you were talking with a colleague who is venting about her spouse. She is concerned about her marriage, and is showing more emotion than ever. As a response, you blurt out the question, “Have you thought about what ideas you have for the project proposal yet?” She stares at you blankly and is blindsided by your question. Her face drops. The conversation is over.
In this case, the timing, the question, and the frame of mind were wrong. You asked the right question at the right time for you; but the time and frame of mind of the other person were way off. Remember, this isn’t about you—it’s about the other person. An appropriate question at that time for her frame of mind would have been, “Is there anything I can do for you?” Most likely, she would’ve appreciated your concern, and calmed down. At that point, you could’ve gently asked your question, most likely acknowledging that the timing was still a little off.
As you practice your timing, remember that the key to social awareness is focusing on others, instead of on yourself, so that you can be more effective.
Develop a Back-pocket Question
Sometimes conversations just don’t go as planned. Either the other person isn’t talking as much as you expected, or you are getting one-word answers. A 10-second chunk of silence feels like an eternity; you cringe because it is so awkward. You need to pull something out of your back pocket fast. How about a handy back-pocket question?
A back-pocket question is what you use just in case to bail you out of any awkward silence or uncomfortable moment. This social awareness strategy buys you time so you can get to know someone better and shows the other person that you are interested in his or her thoughts, feelings, and ideas. It can be something like: “What do you think about [fill in blank]?” Pick from a handful of issues that require some explanation like work or current events, but avoid politics, religion, and other potentially sensitive areas.
The versatile conversationalist knows exactly when to pull out his or her back-pocket question—the conversation needs a kick start, and you’re just not ready to give up yet. It may feel like an abrupt subject change. Don’t worry; if it injects life into the conversation, you’ve done well. If there’s still dead air, it might be time to politely include someone else in the conversation or excuse yourself to refill your beverage.
Don’t Take Notes at Meetings
It’s been hammered into our heads that if we want to be successful, we need to learn to juggle a hectic workload and take on more and more. With multi-tasking, the more you can juggle, the more successful you are, right? Wrong. Multi-tasking actually sacrifices your quality of work, as the brain is simply incapable of performing at a high level in multiple activities at once.
Let’s say you’re in a meeting where several ideas are being
Make Timing Everything
You’ve probably heard the phrase “timing is everything” to explain hundreds of situations and scenarios. When dealing with people and their emotions, timing really is everything. You don’t ask for a raise when business is not going well, you don’t try to correct someone who feels threatened by you, and you don’t ask for a favor when someone is under a lot of stress or angry.
To practice your timing as it relates to social awareness, start working on your timing with asking questions. The goal is to ask the right questions at the right time with the right frame of mind, all with your audience in mind.
Just think about how it would go over if you were talking with a colleague who is venting about her spouse. She is concerned about her marriage, and is showing more emotion than ever. As a response, you blurt out the question, “Have you thought about what ideas you have for the project proposal yet?” She stares at you blankly and is blindsided by your question. Her face drops. The conversation is over.
In this case, the timing, the question, and the frame of mind were wrong. You asked the right question at the right time for you; but the time and frame of mind of the other person were way off. Remember, this isn’t about you—it’s about the other person. An appropriate question at that time for her frame of mind would have been, “Is there anything I can do for you?” Most likely, she would’ve appreciated your concern, and calmed down. At that point, you could’ve gently asked your question, most likely acknowledging that the timing was still a little off.
As you practice your timing, remember that the key to social awareness is focusing on others, instead of on yourself, so that you can be more effective.
Develop a Back-pocket Question
Sometimes conversations just don’t go as planned. Either the other person isn’t talking as much as you expected, or you are getting one-word answers. A 10-second chunk of silence feels like an eternity; you cringe because it is so awkward. You need to pull something out of your back pocket fast. How about a handy back-pocket question?
A back-pocket question is what you use just in case to bail you out of any awkward silence or uncomfortable moment. This social awareness strategy buys you time so you can get to know someone better and shows the other person that you are interested in his or her thoughts, feelings, and ideas. It can be something like: “What do you think about [fill in blank]?” Pick from a handful of issues that require some explanation like work or current events, but avoid politics, religion, and other potentially sensitive areas.
The versatile conversationalist knows exactly when to pull out his or her back-pocket question—the conversation needs a kick start, and you’re just not ready to give up yet. It may feel like an abrupt subject change. Don’t worry; if it injects life into the conversation, you’ve done well. If there’s still dead air, it might be time to politely include someone else in the conversation or excuse yourself to refill your beverage.
Don’t Take Notes at Meetings
It’s been hammered into our heads that if we want to be successful, we need to learn to juggle a hectic workload and take on more and more. With multi-tasking, the more you can juggle, the more successful you are, right? Wrong. Multi-tasking actually sacrifices your quality of work, as the brain is simply incapable of performing at a high level in multiple activities at once.
Let’s say you’re in a meeting where several ideas are being
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